~Visions of the Past~

by

Sakura-chan

The characters of the rpg Final Fantasy VIII does not belong to me, therefor there is no use in suing me. The chara’s belong to Sony, Amano Yoshitaka-san and Square, and whoever else that wants to claim them as property, within the boundaries of law and copyright. (I could always wish they’re mine, but hey, that’s just me dreaming...)

And now, for the little warning... This is a SHONEN AI/YAOI-fic, e.g: boys with boys and whatever may come along that road...^-^ If you don’t have an open mind, or are just uncomfortable with these circumstances....why are you still reading???>_<

I will not answer politely to any sort of flames, except the flames of love... ^_~

Furthermore, this is a Seifer X Zell, and Squall X Irvine fan-fic, and if you have any sort of problem with that....it’s your choice not to read, ok? ^_^

Don’t send me hatemail because you’re a homophobic or just don’t like the pairing I decided on. Any sort of constructive criticism is welcome though, with open arms, that is. I want criticism!!! Please send me your comments to:

sakura_chan@starplace.com

By the way, this fic does contain some spoilers, so anyone who’s come all the way through the second disc, is open-minded and into shonen ai and yaoi, are free to read it!^_^ ...It’s better to have come through the second disc, so you’ll have some sort of grasp of the things I insinuate could have happened.

Harigatou gozaimasu, minna-san!!!!

Now, on with the fic!

~Chapter one~

It was a fine day in Balamb, the sun was shining, and the birds were twittering their hearts out, perhaps only to make the already happy people a bit more happy.

But there was one, though, that couldn’t wish for anything else but for someone to get rid of the obnoxious twittering. He was sitting on a small rock, his tall legs pulled up to his chest, and his arms wrapped around them. With a sigh he rested his cheek on the hard kneecaps, and brushed his skin against the cool fabric of his pale silvergray slacks. He folded his hands into fists, and listened to the small creaking of the leather gloves he was always wearing. The pale grayblue eyes looked up at the crystal blue sky, meeting with the equally blue ocean. A warm wind blew from the west, but he couldn’t help but to shiver as it made its way through his hair, shining like gold in the brightly shining sun. He grunted as the carefully combed back hair fell down over his forehead, obscuring his face. It wasn’t like him to feel this down and low, and some part of his mind told him he should just straighten up and get over whatever it was that bothered him so.

It was now years since all of those things had happened...those things that he had almost no memory of himself. The things that had been told him as he was put on trial, was enough for him to cling closer to himself.

A small trail of fear made its way down his cheek and stained his sleeve; he still couldn’t believe how he could have done those things to the people he admired most.

Of course he hadn’t been allowed to come back to the Balamb Garden. How could one allow anyone so sinister to move amongst the young students, staining them with his way of thinking...?

He wiped the tears away and told himself big boys don’t cry, and neither should he. He looked at the silvergray jacket he wore, and pondered over how worn-out it appeared. Not even the red mark on his left sleeve had kept its vibrant color. All in all, it appeared ragged to him, and he wondered if that was the way people saw him. Did they look at him as looking at someone without home? Did they look away as they would do to a convicted criminal?

Another heavy sigh escaped him, but he was left to ponder no more, as he heard a soft voice, carried by the wind, singing.

"Toku no kaze wo, mi ni matou.. Anata ni wa, todokanai, kotoba narabetemite mo ..." the voice sang, and he reveled at how mellow it sounded in spite of the sad lyrics, "Mata shisen wa dokoka, mado no mukou..." the voice came to a sudden stop, and it caused him to look up from where his head was resting.

"...Born on a wind from far away... as many times as I say these words, they never reach your heart... My eyes are still staring somewhere through the window..." he recited the words, their meaning, not taking his eyes off the young man standing not too far away from him, staring at his crestfallen figure slumped on the rock. The young man was wearing a loose-fitting white shirt with only two or three buttons at the neck. It was flowing in the wind by his waist, casting frail shadows over the light beige slacks. His honeyblond hair was shorter than usual; it was no longer the big mohawk he had grown so embarassingly fond of making fun of.

"What’s up with the spikes?" he asked the young man. How old could he be by now? Maybe 21, 22 years old or so...he hadn’t really kept track of the years. The big pale blue eyes sparkled in the sun, and the soft honey eyebrows were raised in something similar to cautiousness. The downy eyebrows creased, and there was almost no mellow softness left in his voice:

"Good afternoon, to you too, Seifer."

He winced at his name being said in such an uncaring fashion, but, he

reckoned, what else could he be expecting? Back in those days, he was the one dogging him around, without the slightest thought or consideration. In those days, no one but he himself mattered; nothing but him and building that stupid shell around himself mattered.

"I did like the mohawk better, you know... Now, how am I supposed to call you Chicken-wuss anymore?" he tried to joke.

Zell looked at him with a total lack of interest in his face; his eyes were lowered, and he made a move to start walking away.

"I’d rather have you not calling me anything, thank you very much."

He couldn’t have that, not when they hadn’t seen each other in such an awfully long time.

"Hey, wait a second. I was just trying to start a conversation ..." he tried, but Zell didn’t turn around to face him. He didn’t even stop in his tracks.

"Zell, please, wait ...we’ll..talk. I- ...I’ll tell you what I’ve been up to, and you won’t even have to say anything... Please ... I..."

"Why should I?" Zell said, and stopped, without turning to face him, "You never bothered to be anything but a smart-assed bully back when we went to Garden together. So, how could I care less what you’ve been up to? Why should I care?"

He remained silent, couldn’t find anything to answer that remark with. Why did he feel so damn helpless now, of all things to feel? Zell started to walk away once again, and in something so frighteningly similar to panick, he whispered, scarcely audible, only to say something:

"So, have you gone and got yourself engaged? ...I couldn’t help but notice the ring..."

Zell turned around, his eyes blazing with a rage so rarely seen in him, it made Seifer wince. In spite of the anger in his eyes, his voice was awfully calm:

"It doesn’t suit you to be nosy, Seifer. Just so you know it...for starters, it’s the wrong hand, and besides that, it’s the wrong finger!" he gave Seifer that very finger, and turned on his heel, walking away, "Go to Hell, Seifer ..."

Zell disappeared slowly, and not for one second did Seifer take his eyes off of him. He seemed to be glowing, the sun framing him with a blazing aura.

He once again rested his head against his arm, wiping away the hair obscuring his vision.

"...as many times I say these words, they never reach your heart..." he whispered, turning his eyes to the blue sky once more.

There was a knock to the door of the guest room, and inside there was a small stir at the sound.

"Irvine!! Squall!! Are you in there?" the over-happy voice called through the door.

With a small grunt, Irvine turned around and disentangled himself from

Squall’s hold on him. He sat up and started putting his clothes on, and soon he

heard Squall moving behind him, and then felt a warm hand stroking his back.

Squall yawned, his whole face stretched, and blinking his eyes a couple of times, he spoke softly:

"You know, Irvie, we could just ignore her..." his voice was the purr of a kitten, and Irvine sure didn’t miss the invitation. With a small grin, he turned to Squall, and put a little kiss on his lips.

"I know. But...you know how Selphie gets when we ‘ignore her’..."

Squall rubbed his face, and nodded, "Yeah.." this was followed by another yawn, and Irvine finished getting dressed by pulling a dark green shirt over his head.

"You go back to sleep, and I’ll check what’s up with her and her disturbing our only private moment for weeks..." he smiled, and Squall returned the smile before gratefully falling back against the big fluffy pillows, cuddling himself up in the warm downy covers.

Irvine went and opened the door, and outside was an almost jumping Selphie.

"Oh, good, you weren’t sleeping! Come on, let’s go! Let’s go!" her long ponytail swooshed up and down, to the left and to the right, and she smiled.

"What? Where are we going?" Irvine asked, barely managing to stifle a chuckle. Selphie’s eyes glittered mischievously at him, and she whispered:

"You’ll see!" she stood on her toes to see if Squall was anywhere behind Irvine,

"Isn’t Squall coming?" she asked, a small pout crossing her lips.

"...I..think he’d rather stay in bed..." Irvine said, scratching the short hair at the base of his neck. He stepped out of the room and closed the door with care. When he looked up, he saw that Selphie had her eyebrows raised in two perfect arches of red downy hairs. On her lips a grin was playing, and when she spoke she was giggling. She adjusted the short tendrils of hair falling over Irvine’s eyes, and said:

"Man, if Rinoa had heard the two of you...No wonder he prefers to stay in bed...And, quite frankly, I kinda thought you would, too!" she smiled at the blush coming across Irvine’s cheeks, "I’m surprised though that none of the others heard you..."

Irvine gave a nervous laughter, and started leading Selphie away from the door. In a vain attempt to change the subject, he asked her:

"So, Selphie... Have you heard anything from Zell yet? Any idea when he’s getting here?"

Selphie shot a glance at him, very aware of what he was trying to do, but she decided to overlook it for this once.

"No... I haven’t heard anything from him yet... but then again, I haven’t heard from Seifer either..."

"Seifer?! You sent an invitation to that prick?!" Irvine interrupted her abruptly,

and they both stopped in their tracks.

"Yes, I sent an invitation to him! What’s so wrong with that?" she asked, and

watched the now so tense face of her friend.

"You finally get your precious festival, and then you invite that...that bastard! You really want him to destroy everything you’ve worked so hard for?"

"What makes you think he’ll destroy anything? He’s been imprisoned for well over three years, and I think he’s paid well enough for what that sorceress did to him!!"

"He fried my Squall!!"

"Don’t you think he’s paid enough for it? Do you really think he hasn’t lost all of the few friends he had?"

"So, what you’re trying to say, is that we all should put on our happy faces and let him wriggle his way into our lives like the snake he is?!" Irvine’s voice was filled with loathing.

"He is not a snake! Hwo can you say that about him? You don’t even know him!! You have no right!!!"

"I have every right!" Irvine snarled at her, and she almost growled at him in return.

"Fine..." she said, after taking a few deep breaths and counting to ten, "Since you won’t listen to me, I think we’ll have to have this conversation later..."

With angry little steps, she walked away, leaving Irvine with a lot to think about.

The sky had darkened considerably, and Seifer awoke as if from a dream. He blinked a few times, and looked at the sunset, his eyes almost purple in the red rays of light coloring the sky. With a small sigh he got up from the rock, and grunted, his legs and butt hurt a lot. He stretched with a small yawn, and started walking away slowly. Maybe only by chance, something caught his eyes in the red glow of the sun; something was sparkling in the sand. He crouched down and picked it up. It was a silverchain, link by link glistening, and a small plate of silver, with something engraved on it.

Z.D he thought as he carefully examined the bracelet. Within a second he had decided what to do, and he immediately began walking. He directed his steps to the small town of Balamb, and in no time, his long legs had brought him where he set out to go.

As he stood outside of Zell’s house, he marveled at how it seemed to have changed; the door wasn’t its old vibrant brownish red color, and the doorknob seemed worn-out. And on top of that, there was something else bothering him; the heartfelt greeting sign, that used to hang on the door, remained absent.

In spite of everything that made his mind heavy with melancholy, he knocked on the door; thought, that mrs Dincht may tell him where Zell lived nowadays.

Obviously, he thought, she had made all the changes because her son didn’t share her home anymore...

He heard footsteps, and laughter coming from inside. Maybe it was those neighbours visiting her, like they so often did, or, so he had heard from Zell

overreacting in the cafeteria at Garden.

The door opened, and behind it stood a small woman, her black hair tied into a braid that hung down her shoulder. She looked up at him with big brown, cautious eyes, as she greeted him:

"Good evening sir... Is there anything I can help you with?" her voice was soft, maybe even kind, but he could see the ways she looked at his worn clothes and face stained by dirt and dust. He showed her the bracelet, and spoke, trying to sound as gentle as he could:

"Ma’am, I was looking for mrs Dincht... Is she in, for the moment?"

The young lady looked at him, her eyebrows raised. With one glance at him, she said:

"I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t know anyone by that name. Now, if you’ll please excuse me, I have dinner to prepare."

At the sound of her words, he could suddenly feel the scent of a pot brewing, and it made his stomach ache with hunger. But he also became puzzled at her words, the way she claimed to never have known mrs Dincht.

"But, ma’am, mrs Dincht lives here, I’m sure of it! I came to return this to her, to her son... I have to know where he lives, it’s very important, ma’am!"

"I’m sorry, sir, but I am afraid I can’t help you." there was another burst of laughter, and he immediately recognized the sparkle of children laughing. He shot a glance over her shoulder, and saw a man the woman’s age, and two small children sitting by the table. The two children were giggling and laughing the only way small children could, and that’s when he saw, they were pointing at him. The smile on his face vanished, and he turned back to the young woman, patiently waiting for him to leave, so she wouldn’t be forced to be rude by shutting the door in his face. He gave her a smile -what he could muster- and thanked her for her help, then turned to walk away.

He heard the door being shut behind him, and he hurried away from the sounds of their happy family. ...laughing at me...they were laughing at me... he thought, and hurried to the only place he knew for sure he would be welcome to. He ran and ran as far as his legs would allow him, and when he reached the fancy restaurant, he ran around to the back and pulled the door, marked with a ‘STAFF ONLY’ sign, open.

"Seifer!" the womanly voice exclaimed, and he looked up to see the smiling face of Fujin. She instantly came up to him brushing away her long hair, and gave him a warm hug.

"Fujin. It’s nice to see you again..." he greeted her, and returned the hug, but not for long, before a not so happy voice broke the silence.

"Seifa’ Almasy. Where exactly have you been today? You’re supposed ta be here before we open, ya know, to make sure ev’rything looks good and clean!"

"I know, Raijin..." he said, running a hand through his damp hair.

It was obvious Raijin didn’t like this answer. He looked at him, silently

"So, where have you been?" he demanded.

"I.. I was kind of at the beach, thinking things through..."

Shaking his head, Raijin then said:

"Seifa’, ya know what I told you, when you first started working here... You’re my friend, and I love ya, but you can’t come here whenever ya like, ya know! There are certain rules, ya know!"

Fujin put up a hand, as if to stop Raijin from babbling, and turned to Seifer:

"You need a bath, you smell like you’ve been to Hell and back again." she turned him around, and winked at him, "Come on."

"No." he answered, "I’m afraid I can’t...not now. I don’t have the time to.."

"What’s wrong?" Fujin asked, her ruby red eye filled with concern.

"I came to ask Raijin something.." he showed her the bracelet, "I kinda don’t know where Zell lives, and if I don’t, I can’t give this back."

Fujin eyed the bracelet closely, and then looked up and smiled at him.

"So, you still have feelings for him, huh?"

Seifer froze, and felt his face tighten as the blush slowly crept over his face.

"You really shouldn’t bother about such things, Fujin." he said, stepped away from her, and went up to Raijin, whose face wasn’t as stone-like anymore.

"You don’t know where he lives? Man, you’ve missed alotta things, ya know." he said, and continued, "Ya didn’t hear that he went and got himself a vice-president position at that fancy dojo-or sumthin’ company?"

"No, I didn’t! Get to the point, why don’t you?!" Seifer was starting to feel a bit annoyed at the young women running around in the kitchen giggling and shooting glances at him. Obviously, they hadn’t missed Fujin’s small inquiry.

"He lives a couple of...well, maybe an hour or so outside of town, up north... He’s got one of the fanciest places I’ve seen in a lotta time, ya know."

Seifer nodded, and unaware of it, he bit at his lower lip. He looked up at Raijin, and gave him a smile.

"Then I had better hurry before it gets dark, hadn’t I?" and hurried to duck before Raijin could hit him upside his head. Fujin tossed him a map that she had just finished scribbling on, and she winked at him once again:

"You go for it, Seifer.."

"Don’t ya come back here ta’morra’ if ya’ain’t here in time!!" Raijin shouted after him, but Seifer was already out the door. He would show Zell, he thought, that he wasn’t so bad after all.

He ran a few blocks, and the stopped under a streetlamp to unfold the map.

Instantly he saw the town of Balamb, and noticed a thin trail of red ink leading the way up north; a small trail going up over the mountains, and into a patch of woods, and there it was. A red cross, just like on a pirat’s map.

This’ll be just like treasure-hunting... he thought, but stopped in his tracks, as a

memory slowly made its way up to the surface of his mind. It was a memory of his childhood...

...It was a summer’s morning, the rays of warm sun trailing their way down through the foliage of the trees, as the seven-year-old ran and ran, his laughter echoing through the forest. His laughter mixed with the utterly angry shrieks of the young boy chasing after him.

"No fair!!! Sefie, giff it back!! Gimme back my Teddie!!"

But Seifer only raced even faster, waving the small brown teddybear around in the air, laughing as Zell’s bright voice went even louder; even angrier.

"Stop it Sefie!! Give me my Teddie!!! Now!!"

"Then come and geeeet iiit!!" Seifer giggled teasingly as he looked back at the red face of the smaller boy, his almost white blond hair all tousled up after the rough race through bushes, trees and over small brooks. His clothes were all wet after tripping and falling face down into the last brook they crossed. He went even faster as he saw the steep hill coming closer. He knew exactly where it was, and it was to that very hill he had been racing all along; he knew Zell wouldn’t ever dare coming after him if he swooshed down the hill.

With a sparkling laughter he made a jump and leapt over the edge of the steep hill, and started his journey down, going faster by the second, dodging every big tree and every bush of thorns. He held on to the teddybear tightly, because it was his price, and it would be great fun hiding it without little Zell able to do anything about it. He took a tighter grip on the teddy, and darted down even further. Another dose of laughter came across his lips, and he turned around to see Zell trying to follow him step by every slow step he took. He grinned, and shouted, "Naah-nah-nah-naaah-nah!!!" and then turned around to continue downwards.

His laughter came to a sudden stop, though, when he heard a blood-chilling shriek of utter terror coming from behind. It stopped as soon as it was first heard, and when he turned once more to look at Zell, his whole heart froze to ice. Zell!!! he thought, as he watched how the small younger boy tumbled and bounced down the steep hill, crashing into tree after tree and thornbush after thornbush, never stopping in his tracks. He was thrown around as if he was nothing more than a ragdoll, and Seifer found himself running after him, trying to catch him before he would bump into another tree or bush, but to no avail. Zell just wouldn’t stop tumbling down the hill, and Seifer found himself screaming, tears rolling down his cheeks, his whole body and mind racing in fear of what might happen.

"ZEEELL!!!" his bright voice screamed, over and over again, as he helplessly watched as Zell rolled down to the glen at the base of the hill, coming to a slow stop as there were no more rocks throwing him further away. He rolled further into the sunbathed glen, as he slowly came to a stop on the soft green grass.

Seifer was still screaming, his voice cracking relentlessly, and the tears never ceising to flood his eyes, no matter how many times he wiped them away with the sleeve of his jacket. As he finally came down to the glen, he rushed to Zell’s side, throwing himself down on the ground beside him, rolling him over to face him. No move. He tried shaking him by the shoulders. No move. He looked at the face, once so full with life, lying there, blood seeping from several cuts, and bruises covering his forehead and right cheek.

"Zell..!" he whispered, too afraid to talk any louder; afraid he would disturb the peace of the glen if anything else was said, "Zell..?" he shook him once again, and still nothing happened. He just lay there, not moving the slightest bit. This was when Seifer started to panick for real. He didn’t care any longer whether or not his voice might disturb the glen, he didn’t care. He shouted; from the top of his lungs, he screamed Zell’s name. He grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him over and over again. Nothing. No move. No sound. Nothing came from Zell, and it made Seifer stop. He sat back down on the grass, looking at the silent boy, whose eyes were closed so lightly, even in spite of the many bruises.

Seifer found himself starting to whimper, but he didn’t care anymore. He had killed Zell! He had killed the only boy in that whole orphanage worth the while of teasing. It was all his fault. All his fault, that Zell would never look at him again with those big angry blue eyes... The whimpering went to mix with snivelings and sobs, and soon he was crying his young little heart out. He lifted the small Zell up and held him close in his arms, never stopping his cries of grief.

"I’m sorry, Zell!" he whimpered, pulling Zell closer to him, "I’m so sorry...so sorry... I didn’t want to hurt you! I promise..." he sobbed, his cries no longer silent. His throat hurt, his chest ached, and his mind raced so fast with thoughts of guilt he thought it would burst. He felt like he couldn’t breath. He wanted Matron to come and make Zell all good again. But Matron was nowhere in sight; she was nowhere to be seen, and they were far too far away from their home for her to hear if he called for her. He whimpered pleads to the gods, who they had been told, had created them all, including this world. When no one answered him, he lost himself in his tears and in his guilt.

Then, without even registering it, he felt something move in his arms. He took a tighter grip on Zell, not wanting him to be slipping away. It wasn’t until he heard a muffled cry rising from close to his chest, that he realized that Zell was nowhere near dead. Zell was screaming his lungs out, crying like he had never heard him cry before. But Seifer felt happier than ever, and he gave Zell the biggest hug he ever had dared to. He rocked him back and forth, just like Matron used to do, hushing him as best he could. Zell clung to him, still crying so painfully, and Seifer ran his hand through his soft wet hair telling him it was ok... Telling him that it was all right.

Seifer winced at the memory, remembering just how terrified he had been at watching Zell tumbling to a stop not making the slightest move. He shrugged, and hurried on to get out of Balamb as fast as he could. It was getting darker

every second.

**********

"Irvie?" Squall asked, looking up from under the covers as Irvine came into the room after being away for a couple of hours, "Is there something wrong? Where have you been all this time?...I was getting kind of worried you know..."

Irvine grunted something and went over to the small couch and slumped down on it, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. Squall smirked, pulled on a shirt, and got up and went over to the couch, and sat down beside him.

He ran a finger across the short hair behind Irvine’s ear.

"Sometimes I miss your long flowing hair..." he ran his fingers through the now much shorter hair, "Just as long as you won’t cut it even shorter, I won’t mind..." he smiled, and kissed his cheek, "And as long as you won’t grow a beard, or anything..."

Irvine turned to him, and kissed his cheek, but remained silent. Squall looked at him for a moment, and then cuddled up closer, and leaned his head on Irvine’s shoulder.

"What’s wrong Irvie? Did Selphie show you some disturbing part of her festival ..?"

"No.." Irvine smiled, "She just told me something disturbing ..."

"What?"

"She invited Seifer..." Irvine sighed.

Squall nodded, and continued playing with Irvine’s earlobe, "Uhuh..."

"What do you mean ‘Uhuh’?! She invited *Seifer*!!!"

To Irvine’s further annoyance, Squall only chuckled and kept on tickling his earlobe. After Irvine shot him an angry glance, he stifled his chuckling, and began talking to soothe his love’s hurt male pride.

"I think that it’ll be fun to hear how things have been going for him after he got out of prison... And I don’t see any reason for you to be all upset just because Selphie’s in a reunion-mood."

"But...what about all the things..? ...What about what he did...to all of us!!

..You can’t just..."

"Hush. Irvine, think about it... Didn’t you ever see all the doubt flashing over his face? And, then he’d snap back into that psycho-...act... as if he had never been anything but a sadistic maniac with a romantic dream..." Squall went silent for a brief moment, and then continued, absently playing with a curl at the back of Irvine’s neck:

"It was so obvious... And still I never had any idea...not until ..." he once again stopped, turning his attention to Irvine’s hair instead. Irvine took his hand, and caught his eyes, his own widened in anticipation and curiosity.

"What..? You were gonna say something, weren’t you?"

"When we were kids..." Squall started, "Didn’t you ever wonder why Seifer bugged Zell the way he did?"

Irvine nodded:

"But...What has that got to do with anything? So he bugged Zell, so what? He

bugged all of us, didn’t he?"

Squall hushed him with a slender finger on his lips.

"You’re talking to much...I’m trying to evolve my theory into something more than just images of my mind..." he sighed, and took away his finger from Irvine’s lips and replaced it with his own lips.

"But then that day came along..."

"What day?" "I thought I told you to be quiet ..." Squall smiled and continued, "That day

when Seifer found Zell’s teddybear, and ran off with it, Zell screaming at him to give it back..remember? They were gone for hours..."

"Yeah..." Irvine said, his eyebrows creased, "And then, they came back, and Seifer was carrying Zell in his arms... They were both crying their eyes out."

Squall nodded:

"And, do you really think Seifer would have been that devastated if it had been anyone of us? Do you really think that he would have lowered himself to shedding tears if it had been you or me?"

Irvine shook his head, "No..." and looked up at Squall:

"What are you trying to say? That that prick had a thing for Zell?" Irvine shook his head in disbelief, but Squall stopped him.

"You didn’t see his face when Zell was sent off with his new family... And you didn’t spend years with him at Garden. All that teasing and name-calling...I think it was just a way for Seifer to protect himself, and still be able to be close to Zell..."

"Protect himself from what!?" Irvine grunted.

"I don’t know... Maybe from getting hurt... You know how people can be... Remember how everyone looked at us when we made it known what we felt for each other?" Squall gave Irvine a look full of meaning, and he nodded:

"Yeah, I remember... But I still can’t believe, no matter how much you try to sugarcoat it, that Seifer could hold such feelings towards Zell..."

"Why not? Zell’s cute isn’t he?"

"I didn’t say anything about Zell’s looks! I’m just saying, that..."

"...That Seifer never seemed to be gay?"

"... Yeah. I mean, think about it... He sure never gave me any reason to suspect anything..."

"Yeah, right! And you never went after Selphie like a madman who hadn’t got any in years, did you?" Squall grinned when Irvine’s cheeks stained with a blush.

"Ok. You’re right, and I’m wrong. Happy now?"

"No. I’m not saying that I have to be right. I’m just saying that I had the time to watch Seifer more closely than you during those years at Garden. You never

saw his face when Zell laughed at some joke in the cafeteria... You know that way he used to laugh so infectiously, he’d make the whole cafeteria smile,

but Seifer never did. He would just sit by that table he always did, with Raijin and Fujin, and glance over at Zell when he thought no one noticed."

"So, you’re saying, you did, or what?"

"Yep, I did. Sometimes I think Zell never even noticed once... It’s a shame though, to know that they could have been at least friends if ..."

Squall went up to pull on some more clothes, and as he finished getting dressed by pulling the bright red shirt into place, Irvine asked him:

"If what?"

"Huh?"

"...‘they could have been friends if’.. what?"

"Nevermind... I’m starving! Let’s go have some breakfast!"

Irvine rolled his eyes up to the ceiling and made an over-dramatic gesture of ‘Why me!?’ with his hands, as if to beg for an answer from the gods. Squall chuckled, and took hold of both his hands, and pulled him to his feet.

"Come on now, you big baby!! Let’s have something to eat, and then we’ll go take a tour of the town..."

He pulled the slightly protesting Irvine out of the room and down to the diningroom, and put him down on one of the chairs before making both of them something to eat.

"But... I already had breakfast!! ...Just because you decided to stay in bed until noon ..." Irvine complained, but to no good use. Squall was too busy laughing his head off to even notice the glare of fury he received from Irvine...

Seifer hurried up the path down to the patch of woods, still able to see that beyond it was a vast area of green grass and trees here and there. And beyond that, he could see a small source of warm light, his beacon in the growing darkness.

As he ran through the forest, and all of the shimmering colors of green and brown merging with the white and red of flowers making a colorful appearance in the verdure, he found himself smiling. It was a truly beautiful place, unlike any he had seen in a very long time. It was so unlike the stiff coldness of the walls of the prison. He shuddered at the thought of it, and went back to admiring the breathtaking scenery instead of lingering at painful memories.

As he approached the clearing, the edge of the forest, he started running, as if

he had never run before. It felt so good; to feel the wind rushing through his hair, and it was a mere joy to be able to stretch his aching muscles. What a simple joy there was in freedom; to be free to do such a childish thing as to run down a slope at the edge of some forest. Simple joy, it was.

It was not long until he got as close to his beacon of light, that he could see the path up to the small house.

As he slowed down, and got around a pair of big bushes, his eyes went big with an exhilaration of sorts. It was as if every color he saw had a new vibrant tone to it; a more vivid animation was there to behold in every piece of the rough-cast wall he saw of the house. Every branch of the trees rising up towards the sky behind the house made him stare in wonder.

The warmth shining from within, made him suddenly feel cold, right down to the bones in his body. He fingered the bracelet in his pocket, and decided to march right up to the door and ring the doorbell. But as he walked up the path of stairs up to the door, his mind was overtaken by the sense of being at the wrong place. Was it really for him to bring back this bracelet to someone who would rather drop dead than to stand face to face with him? Even less, would he be welcome on Zell’s property? He swallowed dryly as he stepped up on the big porch, and glanced to the left; where there was one of those swings made out to resemble a couch. It was a two-seated, cosy sofa made of wood, which hung from the ceiling of the porch, by two rustic chains. It was covered with big cushions and a pair of pillows, and on the right seat, there was a big fluffy blanket.

Seifer furrowed his brows as he looked at it; it looked so comfortable to just cuddle up in. He told himself to stop such foolish daydreaming, and rang the doorbell.

Soon, he could hear footsteps approaching rapidly, and then move further away. He stepped back one step, wondering if he might as well just leave while he could, but then he could hear the footsteps once again, approaching the door. There was a click or two, and then the door opened halfway, a chain blocking whoever might want to intrude.

Seifer braced himself for what might come, and when he looked up, he saw Zell’s puzzled face, staring at him.

"...Seifer..." he said, seemingly in lack of other words. He looked at him through the narrow opening, and asked:

"What are you...doing here? ...How..how did you...?"

Seifer felt a blush slowly creeping across his cheeks, and for once he was thankful it was getting dark. A white and brown cat slipped through the crack of light, and ran casually out on the field. It distracted Seifer, and he lost track of what he was going to say.

"...er...uhm...Fujin kind of gave me a map, and marked the way for me..."

Zell seemed to be not quite believing Seifer’s words, but at least, Seifer

thought; he didn’t shut the door in his face. Zell turned to look after his cat, and

then looked back at Seifer. His face still held a lack of interest.

Seifer showed him the bracelet, and said, trying not to sound too embarrassed:

"I just wanted to give you this..."

"..Where did you get that!!" Zell exclaimed, and snatched it from his hands. He glared at him, as if he was some monster, ready to be taken care of, "Don’t you ever dare lay hands on my things again!!!"

He shot one last glare at Seifer, and shut the door with a loud bang.

"But..but Zell! I was only trying to help!!" Seifer said through the door, his voice raised, in both anger and disappointment, "I thought you might *want it back*, that’s all!!!" Dammit!! he cursed inwardly, That’s what you get for trying to be nice... That *moron*!! he turned on his heel and started walking rapidly down the steps of the porch, when he heard a click behind him. He turned around, expecting at least a gunbarrel pointed at him, but went stunned beyond his wildest imagination, when he saw no gunbarrel ...only Zell, holding open the door, looking at him, his face tense.

"...I..." he sighed, it was obviously difficult to get out what he wanted to say, "...I guess I should start by apologizing... It was very kind of you to bring back my bracelet... Thanks..."

Even though the words weren’t sounding too sincere, Seifer felt the corners of his lips turning upwards in a true smile; not the superiour smirk that used to be almost like a trademark of his.

Zell was surprised, finding his mouth hanging open wide and that he couldn’t stop staring at that smile. It was so genuinely happy, he couldn’t help but smile back. Could it be that Seifer’s actually human, and not some tyrannical freak? he thought.

"...It’s ok..." Seifer said, embarrassingly scratching the back of his neck, "..No problem... any time..." he stopped, thinking it was for the best before he started babbling. Then, just as he was about to turn around once again, he thought he saw an almost concerned look on Zell’s face.

"Uhm.. Seifer..look.. It’s getting dark, and it’s a long way back to Balamb..."

He turned around once again, to see it was Zell’s time to be embarrassed.

"Yeah...so?" he asked, trying not to let his imagination run off with his common sense. Zell continued:

"...Wanna come in and have a cup of coffee?" he didn’t really look Seifer in the eyes, but he didn’t notice - he was to busy trying to hide his own joy. With the biggest amount of force, he managed to say, positively sure he was wasting the chance of his life:

"I...don’t drink coffee."

To his surprise, Zell smiled at that reply.

"You don’t drink coffee?" he said, but then quickly added, "Then, a cup of hot

cocoa, maybe?"

Seifer smiled nervously, at the verge of being shocked that Zell would make another offer.

"Sure..." he said, suddenly feeling utterly self-consious.

Seeing how Zell was all handsome; his face clean, and his clothes smelling of the spring, like a field of flowers, made him doubt himself. He shrugged, looked down at his own clothes, and gritted his teeth. So filthy...so... he thought, and ran a hand over the rugged cloth of his sleeve. So out of place...

"Are you gonna join me for that cup of cocoa, or not?" Zell’s voice interrupted him. He looked up at Zell, and silently cursed at himself. He shook his head, and said:

"Thanks, but... I better get going..."

Zell’s eyebrows furrowed, and he looked at Seifer, who had changed so suddenly right before his eyes. Instead of the bully of his time at Garden, he seemed lost, like he didn’t know where to go. Just moments ago he had seemed so happy, only because Zell had given him some credit, and now... What was left of that joy, but a lingering sadness in his eyes.

"Come on, Seifer... I’m inviting you for a cup of cocoa, for crying out loud. What’s there to be afraid of?" he said, tried to turn those gloomy eyes into the sparkling ones of just moments before.

Everything... Seifer thought, silently replying Zell’s question. With one more cursing of his own coward self, he said:

"Nothing." and looked at Zell, who then said:

"Well, come on then!"

Seifer looked at him for a second, and then thought, that he might as well give it a try.

"Ok.." he said, trying to smile, but failing. He went back up the porch and let Zell show him in.

"..wow..." he couldn’t help but gasp, as he saw the interior. A decoration that seemed to have been done with the Chinese feng shui in mind; lots of space, and lots of light, even more during the day, he reckoned. There were no trifles, and neither was it cramped with furniture.

"It’s ... I...can’t find the words..." he found his throat obstructed by some invisible object at the unspeakable beauty; he was, bluntly put, speechless.

"Yeah," Zell said, walking past him into the livingroom and further into the kitchen, Seifer following him closely, "..it is pretty neat, isn’t it?"

He motioned for Seifer to sit down by the table, and went over to the cupboard and took out a small jar of the old-fashioned design. He put it aside on the table, and went to take out some milk from the small fridge in the corner.

After he had fetched a small sauce-pan he poured in some milk and put it on the stove.

"So, Seifer..." he said, adjusting the heat of the stove, and turning around to

face the older man sitting by his table, "What have you been up to lately?"

"What?" Seifer asked, surprised that Zell would even bother asking.

"Well, earlier today, you did offer to share your endeavours, didn’t you?"

Seifer nodded, "Yes...yes I did."

"Then, why don’t you?" Zell continued.

"’Cause.. you didn’t seem too eager to ..." Seifer said, but went silent; he saw no goal in trying to make friends with Zell. It was, and had always been, hopeless.

Zell went up to the table, and sat down across the table from him. He rested his chin on both his hands, and watched him. This made Seifer feel utterly awkward, and not knowingly, he did anything not to look at Zell.

"...There’s not much else we can do while the milk is warming up, is there?" he said, still watching Seifer, marvelling at his strange behaviour.

He noticed how Seifers cheeks went slightly towards a warmer tone of colour, and he couldn’t help but frown. What the..? he thought.

Seifer himself, almost went berserk at how he was reacting; how could he be so foolish as to let what Zell said get to him? He could think of a number of things they could do while the milk was warming up, and that was precisely why he cursed at himself over and over again.
He is just trying to be nice to you, Seifer! Is that so damn hard to understand?! Ok, so he just said the worst thing possible, but it’s still you who’s reading things between the lines!!! Get over it! Dammit!! He looked up at Zell, still waiting for him to say something, and so he started:

"Well... I’ve kind of..just been trying to get re-acquainted with the surroundings..."

"Mhmm." Zell nodded, urging him on.

"..and it’s all so changed! Hardly anything looks the same anymore..not even the beach. And the buildings...I mean... wow! I thought they were awesome when I went to Garden, but now..." he shook his head, smiling sadly while turning his eyes to his hands, wringing themselves, "I guess I never thought anything would change... and certainly not that fast! It is as if.." he hesitated slightly. Still not looking at Zell, he decided to stay quiet instead of babbling like some madman.

"Go on. Please.. it’s... interesting." he heard Zell’s voice say, and he suddenly felt so cold all over. But his face was still burning, even though it had lost its blush.

"It is like the whole world just kept going... as if my life wasn’t necessary for something to happen..." he said, furious over how corny it sounded, "I mean..."

"I know what you mean." Zell interrupted him, and he felt he just had to look up. Zell was looking straight into his eyes, not giving way one inch. He turned his eyes away, afraid that he might drown in those blue depths. Zell went on,

saying:

"...it feels like what you ever did, or had planned to do, never made any difference. Like all those dreams you had when you were a kid, how they never came true, no matter how hard you tried... and then, when you grow up, you realize that you never even tried to make them come true. That all that time, you were too afraid to even take that first step..." he said, and turned around when the milk started making bubbly noises. He went over to the stove and turned off the heat, while pulling the sauce-pan away from the stove. He put it down on a round plate of cork, and then opened a cabin and took out two cups.

He poured some milk into the cups and then put the saucepan away on the cooling stove, to keep the milk warm a little while longer. He took two long spoons and with one of them he added a few spoonfuls of cocoa to the warm milk and swirled it around until it was just the right shade of cocoa brown. He put the cup down in front of Seifer, who took the spoon and swirled it around a bit more. He took a sip after carefully blowing a bit on the surface of the hot cocoa. It was lovely. Not too sweet, not too bitter. Just perfect.

Zell sat down once again when he had fixed his own cup of cocoa, and with a small chuckle, he said:

"...I sure never thought I’d be sitting here, 22 years old, having cocoa with the biggest prick on the planet..."

He noticed Seifer’s attempt to smile, and how he failed, and so he said:

"... Sorry, ‘bout that, Seifer... I didn’t mean to offend you, I promise. It just.."

"It’s ok. A lot of people would use much more graphic words than ‘prick’ to describe me..." he said, and added to himself, A lot of people would kick my ass, rather than wasting time calling me names...

After a short moment of silence from both of them, Zell spoke, his voice almost caring, but Seifer dismissed it as being something he imagined.

"...how was it in jail?... If you don’t mind me ..."

Seifer nodded, and looked down the cup, swirling the spoon ‘round and ‘round.

"...I learned a lot there..." ..like how to take a blow to the ribs... "..for instance, I learned how to ..." ... take the wip without breaking down...

He went quiet, and waved his hand, as if to change the subject to something more important.

"..I understand... you don’t want to talk about it.." Zell said, still looking at Seifer, slowly coming to senses with why he seemed so changed.

Seifer shook his head, and took a sip of the cocoa. So did Zell.

Suddenly, there was a silent knock on the door, and Zell went up to answer it.

It was the strangest thing, because when he passed Seifer, he put his hand on his shoulder, and squeezed it gently, before walking back into the hall. Only when it was too late, did he see what he had done. He stopped in his tracks, froze, and felt how all the colour drained from his face. He hurried away to

answer the door, not knowing that Seifer was even more freaked out.

He touched me!! He touched me! Oh Gods!! ...What the hell did that mean?!!

he looked down at his hands, which were clutching the cup in a very firm grasp. His whole being was locked in the position, he was unable to move, all of his muscles stiff as a ramrod. He silently thanked the gods his muscles were the only part of him stiff as a ramrod.

He heard how Zell was talking to someone by the door. He could almost hear him smile. When he came back he was holding a small bundle of mail, and he was smiling. He exclaimed, happier than Seifer thought he had ever heard:

"I’ve got mail!!"

"...At this kind of hour?"

"Yeah. Old mailman Morris had a lot to deliver today in Balamb. You should meet him sometime.. He’s really cool for being over seventy years old.."

"Seventy years!? What is he? Some Super-mail-man??" Seifer spluttered, and instantly cursed at himself. He could imagine perfectly how he had looked in SD-land.

Zell nodded, still smiling, not knowing it made Seifer warm all over. He sat down and started plowing through the stack of mail and stopped as he came across a very small envelope, and his features were run over with one of those familiar grins of his.

"Remember Selphie?" he asked, and Seifer nodded, already starting to forget the sense of panic as Zell had touched his shoulder:

"How could I not?" he replied, and it made Zell’s grin stretch even wider, the small fangs even more prominent, making him look like a cute little predator.

"Well, have you heard that she’s planned to have a Garden festival of her own? ..up at her old Trabia Garden, you know, where she went before transferring..?"

"Yeah. I think I read about it somewhere, back then. The usual p.ms they’d post whenever there was a change about to happen. ‘Students of Balamb Garden, we are happy to inform you that we will have yet another increase in our group of top-ranking students, which consists of all of you.... blah blah blah...’ and so on, and so on..." he stated, remembering how all of his expectations of the young transfer student had been surpassed by her actual appearance; she was a bit annoying, a bit too joyous, but always kind, "So, what about it? Has she invited you?"

"Yeah. And it’s the weirdest thing... It begins tomorrow, and she sent it over two weeks ago.. I didn’t think it would take such a long time to deliver..."

Seifer took another sip, and finished his cup of cocoa. To his own annoyance, he felt slightly envious, that he hadn’t received any invitation. But, he told himself, what was he to expect? He had literally ruined all of their lives, so how could they possibly want him there? He smiled at Zell, and thanked for the cocoa, and told him that he might as well be leaving.

Zell looked out the window, and saw that the sun had already started to glow in its morning garment. He nodded and got up to follow Seifer to the door.

Seifer stepped out on the porch, and involuntarily shuddered at the chill of the morning. He turned around to look at Zell one last time before leaving, and saw that his face was nothing like it had been on the beach. It even seemed friendly in the glow of the dawn.

"Thank you so much for the cocoa, Zell. It was really nice of you..."

"No prob’.." Zell said, leaning against the doorpost, "Just remember what I

said about making your dreams come true."

"I will. In fact, I’m gonna start this very day. I will make my dreams become reality!" he said, smiling, his hope renewed by Zell’s words.

"You’re talking about that ‘romantic dream’ of yours, aren’t you?" he asked.

"Yes. Yes, I am."

"I wish you all the luck in the world, Seifer." Zell smiled warmly, "Make it count this time.. show everyone your true self."

"...I will." Seifer said, suddenly moved by the sincerity in Zell’s words. No one had wished him good luck since his time as the Sorceress’ knight. He turned around and started walking away, the cold digging its claws deeper into his flesh by every step he took. He pulled the jacket closer, and hurried home, everything seeming a bit brighter than it had just hours ago.

To be continued...