It's funny how we adapt to things without truly being aware we are doing it. During this period of sickness, I was making adaptations, many without realizing it. I had adapted to being a silent smiler most of the time. I had adapted to eating very little, and making sure there was some place I could throw up. I had adapted to thin, dry hair and bought a couple of cute hats to wear. I had adapted to being tired and given in to taking a nap nearly every day. I had adapted to not making plans and commitments very far in advance, because I never knew from day to day (hour to hour?) whether I would feel up to keeping them. Even grocery shopping, which always used to be done on Sunday afternoon, was now done if and when I felt up to it. I didn't accept invitations without reservation, always saying, "I'll try to make it, but can't make any promises."
The one adaptation I had been unconsciously making was in clothing. I didn't even realize it at first. I've always loved light, pastel colors. Most of my clothing is in soft pinks, pale blues, and delicate lavenders. I've never been really fond of dark colors, nor have I felt comfortable wearing them. Then, one day, I started sorting through my spring clothes. I do this from time to time, usually at the beginning of a new season. I make three piles - consign, donate, and throw away. As I was going through my clothes, I saw more dark colors - navys, blacks, browns, and dark greens. Hmmm... This didn't look like my things.
All of a sudden it occurred to me what I had been doing. With all the prolonged bleeding, I had been shying away from the pale colors I truly liked and choosing dark colors that would not show a tiny accident as easily. I've got to admit, blood doesn't show anywhere near as much on marroon as it does on ivory. Not only was my life changing, even my closet and drawers were changing too. Yup, that's me - the thin quiet one in the dark brown skirt. See her running for the ladies' room? That's me.