HOW TO PREPARE FOR A HAPPY REUNION
Talking about your feelings is an important part of preparing for a happy homecoming.
SPOUSES
may be thinking:
* How much has my spouse changed?
* Have I made good decisions about our money
* Did I do OK with the kids?
* Will I have to stop seeing my friends so much?
* Will we still have things to talk about?
SERVICE MEMBERS
may wonder:
* Will my family still need me?
* Will the kids recognize me?
* How did things go while I was gone?
* Will they be happy to see me?
CHILDREN
wonder, too:
* Will Dad (or Mom) come to meet my teacher?
* Will I get punished because I wasn't nice sometimes?
* Will the rules change at home?
* How long will Dad (or Mom) stay?
Remember, it's natural to feel anxious -- as well as excited!
You can help ease the tension in a variety of ways:
COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR SPOUSE DURING SEPARATION
During the time leading up to reunion, communicate through letters, calls, or other available ways. Discuss what you're doing and feeling -- and be honest! Compare expectations.
REACH OUT TO OTHERS
Talk with others in the same situation. Share your feelings -- you'll find that you're not alone!
TALK WITH CHILDREN
Ask them questions, and help them express their feelings. Help them be excited AND realistic about the reunion.
Learn more...
BE REALISTIC
It's nice to be romantic, but don't expect more than is possible.
Realize that:
EVERYONE CHANGES
It's only natural that children, spouses, service members, family and friends change with time. They won't be exactly as you remember.
COMMUNICATION MAY BE DIFFICULT AT FIRST
Since everyone has changed, it will take a little while for people to get to know each other again.
ROLES HAVE CHANGED
A family member may have learned a lot about managing a home or working outside of it.
A service member may have new job skills and added responsibilities.
INTERESTS MAY HAVE CHANGED
People's tastes and interests may have changed. For example, they may have different:
* preferences in food, clothing, and recreaton
* beliefs in politics and religion
* thoughts about money or careers.
OLD PROBLEMS DON'T DISAPPEAR
It's nice to remember people at their best, but separation doesn't usually solve problems. Concerns about family communication, schoolwork, or household habits don't automatically disappear -- there may be new ones. (And don't expect to resolve any of them right away!)
SOME TIPS FOR HOMECOMING
For that exciting day when the service member returns:
MAKE IT SPECIAL
Plan time for a special celebration. Get everyone involved.
STAY CONFIDENT
Even though people may look or act differently than you remember, they're not different people!
STAY FLEXIBLE
Realize that people may be very tired or have spur-of-the-moment ideas for fun. Leave room for changes.
NEGOTIATE ACTIVITIES
Make time for everyone's favorite activities on reunion day or after. Ask everyone for their ideas.
During the weeks that follow:
MAKE INDIVIDUAL TIME
It's important for spouses to spend time together without family or friends. It's a way to learn and grow together.
ADJUST GRADUALLY
Start with small changes and make them slowly. Large or rapid changes in roles are often a shock for the whole family.
BE PATIENT
Don't expect everything to happen at once. Readjustment may take up to 8 weeks or longer.
RE-THINK YOUR BUDGET
Costs will be different with the service member at home, and pay may change, too. Set realistic goals for saving.
SOME TIPS FOR SERVICE MEMBERS
When you arrive back home, be patient and expect some difficulties.
DON'T CHANGE SYSTEMS THAT HAVE BEEN WORKING WELL
If your spouse has been doing the checkbook, or a teen doing some cooking, don't demand an immediate return to "the way things were."
GO EASY ON DISCIPLINE
Don't try to "whip things into shape." Take some time to understand how your family has changed during separation.
EXPECT OTHERS TO BE A LITTLE RESENTFUL
Others usually think of deployment as much more exciting than staying home -- whether you think that way or not.
SPEND SOME TIME WITH THE FAMILY
Have a true "family reunion" -- before taking special time alone with your spouse.
EXPECT SOME SEXUAL TENSION
When two people have been separated, it usually takes some time to become relaxed and reacquainted sexually.
SUPPORT POSITIVE CHANGES
Show pleasure and interest in how your family has grown.
EXPECT TO MAKE SOME ADJUSTMENTS
Though you're looking forward to getting home, it may be a challenge to adjust to changes in:
*where you sleep and for how long
* what and when you eat
* the people you see
* what you do for fun.
RESIST SPENDING SPREES
It's exciting to suddenly have money and places to spend it, but spending without planning usually causes trouble later.
ABOVE ALL -- TALK WITH YOUR LOVED ONES!
Communication is the basis of healthy, growing relationships.
SOME TIPS FOR FAMILY MEMBERS
When you and your spouse are reunited:
AVOID TIGHT SCHEDULES
Service members often look forward to fewer demands on them.
UNDERSTAND THE SERVICE MEMBER'S DISCOMFORT
Some discomfort in communicating eating or sleeping, or some sexual tension doesn't mean your spouse is unhappy with you or the family.
ALLOW TIME TO ADJUST
And, don't expect the service member to do things exactly as before.
STICK TO YOUR BUDGET
Don't spend money you don't have. The service member may not remember how much money a family needs.
EXPECT UNUSUAL FEELINGS
The service member may be a little hurt by your success at home. This is natural -- everyone likes to feel needed.
You can make it easier for children if you:
GIVE THEM TIME, TOO
When a parent hs been away, it takes a while to remember and accept the parent again. Young children may also be mad at a parent for leaving them. Babies may be afraid of a parent they've rarely seen.
EXPECT TO TEST LIMITS
When a parent returns, it's natural for children to find out how things have changed by acting up a little -- or a lot.
PLAN FAMILY TIME
Make time for a picnic, a trip or a special meal. It helps bring the family back together.
PLAN INDIVIDUAL TIME WITH THE SERVICE MEMBER
Plan some special time for just the child and returning parent to get reacquainted.
STAY INVOLVED WITH SCHOOL, ACTIVITIES AND INTERESTS
It's important for parents to be involved in their children's lives. Ask them about what's going on -- and support their positive efforts.
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF SOURCES OF HELP
These include:
SUPPORT AND SERVICE CENTERS
The Family Support, Community Service, or Family Service Center offers expert assistance in meeting the challenges of the deployment cycle.
SPOUSE/FAMILY SUPPORT GROUPS
These can be a source of emotional support and understanding, as well as practical help.
CHAPLAINS
Religious personnel are always ready to help service members and their families.
OMBUDS OFFICES
They're often the best source of help for solving specific problems or answering questions.
OTHER RESOURCES
These may include the Red Cross, the USO, Armed Services YMCAs, and a variety of other military and civillian agencies. Most are listed in the phone book.
If you're still having trouble adjusting
after more than a couple of months, or if problems seem overwhelming, seek professional help. It's available at your installation or through CHAMPUS.
Soo--
MAKE REUNION A JOYFUL TIME!
* Create reasonable expectations.
*Take time to readjust.
*Communicate your feelings.
