DARKNESS AND LIGHT

In her cabin, Maeve was in the process of putting herself in a trance as a way of communicating with Dim-Dim. She needed his advice and reassurance before tomorrow's confrontation. She had lit special herbal incense candles, and self-hypnotized herself by watching their flames dance around. With her eyes closed, she could see a faint green glow in a vaguely human shape, and finally Dim-Dim's voice. "My child, I sense your spirit is troubled. You will face your greatest challenge soon. You have learned much and have many new powers. Yet none of these will save those you love. Heed my words: your strongest weapon and your greatest enemy both lie within your heart. Resist revenge. Trust only goodness. Only your purity can defeat Rumina." After speaking these words, his image began to fade.

As soon as he spoke, a dozen questions came to mind. But before she could ask a single one, Dim-Dim was gone. Shortly, Maeve awakened from her trance. Every word he had said was etched into her memory. But it was a puzzle. None of her powers could defeat Rumina? Why had she been studying day and night for a year and a half? What weapon and what enemy did she have in her heart? How could purity defeat Rumina? What kind of purity?

She had sought Dim-Dim for reassurance and comfort, but instead she felt uneasy and even more troubled. A feeling of dread gripped her. She felt cold all over. Her mind was frozen and unable to think through what Dim-Dim had said. He had always helped her in the past. Why was he refusing now?

In an effort to calm herself down so she could think, she undressed and put on her nightgown, sat down and brushed out her hair. She wished she could talk Dim-Dim's words with Sinbad. Or just have him hold her like he'd done last night. She blew out the candle and slid into bed. An hour later she was still awake, pondering Dim-Dim's words. She knew he'd given her an answer, but she could not decipher it. Her brain would not work, she was so nervous. She could not hold a thought in focus.

There was only one place she wanted to be. She tried to push away the idea, but every time she shut her eyes, a single image hung before her. Finally she got up, lit a candle, and silently slipped out into the passageway. Maybe just being closer would help.

Silently, she worked her way through the maze of passageways. Finally she stood in front of Sinbad's cabin door. Her heart was pounding and she felt light-headed. She wondered if she hadn't eaten enough at supper. She stood for several minutes, hoping for a miracle. But the feeling of dread had not diminished. She slid the candle onto a small ledge near the door. She needed to see his face. As quietly as she could, she lifted the latch on the door and swung it open a crack and listened into the darkness. She could hear Sinbad breathing. It sounded like he was asleep. She stood listening. The sound of his regular breathing calmed her. She knew she should just shut the door and leave, but she couldn't go. The desire to see his face was so great, she pushed the door open a bit more and slipped sideways through the opening. She knew she had to be extremely quiet. From their various adventures in the past, she knew he was a light sleeper. She didn't want to wake him. She knew he needed his rest to be strong for the next day's battle. Yet she could not help herself. Her feet willed her closer and closer, until she was only a few feet away from his bed. After a few moments in the darkened room, she could barely make out the whiteness of his face amongst his covers. She stood still, holding her own breath, listening to him and imagining his smile. Then suddenly, he began thrashing about in his bed and he called out in his sleep. "No! I'm coming."

The sound of her own name shocked her. Only after a moment of panic did she realize that he was calling out from a dream. Then he sat up in bed, buried his head in his hands and rested his hands against his drawn up knees. She drew a step backward into the deeper shadows, and froze. And then she heard his voice again. "Oh Maeve, Maeve. What if I really lose you tomorrow?"

Her heart broke. She could not bear to see him in such turmoil. She stepped forward and said in the softest of whispers, "Sinbad, it's me. I'm here." He did not move. It occurred to her that he might still be dreaming, so she gently touched his shoulder and repeated, "Sinbad, it's me, Maeve."

Only then did he lift his head. He whispered questioningly into the darkness, "Maeve?"

"Right here." She slid her hand down his arm and took his hand in hers, holding it between both of her hands. He turned, and she brought her face closer to his. "You were dreaming. I heard you calling out."

"Yes. It's the same dream all the time."

She spoke softly, choosing her words carefully. "I thought you said my name. Was I in your dream?" She was not ready to admit that she had been there right beside his bed. She did not want to have to explain why.

"Always. You're always in danger. I try to save you. I can't move. I'm frozen. I can't get to you. Then I wake up." He did not want to tell her that she is about to die in the dream.

"Sinbad?"

"Yes?"

"While I'm here, I just want to say, if something goes wrong tomorrow and I... Well, I just want you to know, it's meant a lot to me to know I matter."

"Matter? Is that all you think?" He trapped her hands between his and pulled her to him. "Know this, Maeve. If anything happens to you, it might as well happen to me, it would be the same thing. Do you see?"

"Yes. I...I... understand." She took his hand and brought it to her lips and then slowly kissed each finger in turn. Then she placed his hand on her breast right over her heart. "And you are... everything to me. I owe my life to you several times over. You rescued me, took me aboard, and made me a part of your... family. I always feel you watching over me. You'll never know how much that's meant to me."

Sinbad could feel her heart beating under his hand, could feel the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. He understood with his hand more than with her words what she was telling him. Never had they been closer than at this moment. He wanted to stay this way forever. He did not move his hand. He could feel the warmth of her body through the thin fabric of her gown. Then suddenly, he pulled his hand away. He could not trust himself to keep it there any longer. He pushed his covers aside and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He slowly stood. Without hesitation, Maeve went to him, put her arms around his waist and rested her head against his shoulder. She spoke softly. "There are many things I have not told you, some that I cannot tell you. There are secrets I must keep though it grieves me to have to do so. Were things other than the way they are, there is much I would say and do differently."

"Maeve, Maeve, my precious Maeve, why have we left so much unsaid until this moment? I finally feel we are one, and I may lose you tomorrow." There was so much more he wanted to say but couldn't put into words. What he wanted her to know, to feel, could not be said. Instead, he lifted her head from his shoulder and found her lips and kissed her. His hands caressed her hair.

Maeve sensed an urgent intensity in his kiss and the way he was caressing her hair. It was like a huge wave that picked her up and swept her along, and she felt helpless in its power. She matched his intensity, overwhelmed by the long pent-up emotions within her. Sinbad was amazed at the power of her response. She literally crushed her body against his, as if she could will herself inside him. As their passion built, Sinbad slid his hands onto her shoulders and inside her gown. His touch on her bare skin sent waves of electricity through her. She realized instantly that she had wanted this to happen for so long. Then suddenly Dim-Dim's words flashed through her head, 'Only your purity will defeat Rumina'.

She forced herself away from Sinbad, though it felt like she was tearing her very soul apart. She immediately began sobbing almost hysterically, "I can't, Sinbad. I can't. I want to, but I can't." She pounded her fists against her arms. Sinbad could not believe what was happening. He wanted to grab her and hold her, but somehow knew that was the wrong thing to do. Instead he asked, "What is it? What's wrong?"

How could she explain? She could not tell him that she thought she had to remain a virgin to defeat Rumina. She could not bring herself to say that to him. She just said, "It's not you. It's me. I can't say more." She whirled and fled out of the room, ran back to her own cabin, locked the door, and flung herself face down on her bed, and sobbed uncontrollably for a long time. She cursed her fate, cursed Rumina, and cursed herself for having put herself into such a situation. She should never have gone to his room in the first place. Finally, from sheer emotional exhaustion, she fell asleep.

Sinbad was left to wonder what had happened. He blamed himself for getting physical with her. He took only small comfort in her words, 'It's not you, it's me.'