I stand where we so often stood in the past. And like we so often did I gaze upon the setting sun. And I remember.

I remember the way we fought. Side by side, struggling in our quest to defeat evil with an ever lasting trust in each other. We never voiced it though. There was no need for words for our souls knew what was needed to be known. You were my other half and now I am left with no choice but to try to survive without it. You were there for me and I could always count on you. I smile as I realize that maybe it was not on your magick that I could rely on but on your hope. Your hope that one day she will be defeated and that "everything would be has it should be". You were my hope for a better future. Now I have no hope, except the one that I will eventually find you.

I shiver now at the thought that I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most. It has been 5 months now since you left us, since you left me. I miss you Maeve, I miss you dearly.

As I turn my head slightly I see the one that has taken your vacant place in the crew. But no matter what happens, she will never replace you. Not in my heart. There is too much missing in her to allow myself to even think about that possibility. To be honest, with her at my side it is just not the same. It is not the way we fought.

Oh yes she can handle herself in a fight but she lacks this eagerness, this ultimate goal that made you keep going forward. She doesn't have the energy, the confidence, the radiant smile you had even in the worst of our past battles. She would not argue like you did whenever I give her an order. You never could listen to orders Maeve. And I am glad. Because you fought for your independance and you knew what you wanted. Because you weren't a little sheep but a member of this crew. You voiced your opinions and made sure we would listen to them. Sometimes I wish she would show a little bit more of this fiercy side of you I loved so much.

But who am I fooling? Of course it is not the same because she is not you. She is doing what she does, not what you were doing. But it is not the way we fought. For we not only fought evil, we also fought each other. Our little bickerings, innocent in the end, were our way to show each other how much we cared. It was our way to try to deny what was there. We didn't want to see it until it was too late. Even now that time has ran out on us, I cherish those moments. They were our way to say "I love you". If only I had known...

Mad at myself I hit the rail with my fist, again and again until my knuckles start to bleed. Physical pain I can endure but not this longing after you that's eating my heart. I know that the others are looking at me right now but I won't turn to them. Because the only face that could make me stop is not among them.

Sometimes I hear your laugh and I think to myself that if I could turn around quickly enough, I would see you. You would stand right there, grinning at me, ready to fight once more. Maeve I miss you. And I miss the way we fought. I raise my haed and in the setting sun I can see you, waiting for me. I'll find you Maeve and then we will fight some more. I promise.