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Here are a few interesting and amusing thoughts I
have come up with or come across. Many are amusing,
some ironic, and others just plain weird. Enjoy!
1. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that
you tried.
2. Put on your seatbelt...I wanna try something.
3. There's no future in time travel.
4. Tonight's weather: Dark with continued darkness until dawn.
5. Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
6. A day without sunshine is like night.
7. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count; those
who can't.
8. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
9. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
10. Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.
11. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
12. Death is hereditary.
13. I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
14. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
15. Multitasking - screwing up several things at once.
16. Dyslexics of the world, untie!
17. Beat the 3 o'clock rush - Leave school at noon!
18. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
19. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
20. How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
21. Oh Lord, give me patience...and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
22. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
23. I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
24. Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
25. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
26. Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
27. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened small stain.
28. Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
29. How does Teflon stick to the pan?
30. A cat will assume the shape of the container it is packed into.
31. Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
32. Black holes are where God divided by zero.
33. All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
34. I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in
my nose.