Uggh, we're out of bread so I'm eating chocolate for lunch. -me

My passport photos make me look like a convict. -Strider

And I suppose that's all we can possibly hope for. Below happiness, above horror. -from a fic

YOUR SOLE REMEDY FOR DISSATISFACTION WITH THE SITE IS TO STOP USING THE SITE. -belief.net’s terms and conditions

This was the best day ever except for everything that happened -from a fic

“If you don’t eat anything, you will become fat. That is why you should eat lots and lots of brownies.” -someone's PE teacher

When I press on my brakes, the car doesn't stop. Do you think this is something I should have fixed?

If you record silence on a tape and then play it back with the volume all the way up, will that drown out the noise in the room?

“IT’S A BOX!!! SANTA GAVE ME A BOX FOR CHRISMAS!!!” Me. I say this when I find something in a box I can’t see it. Teehee. -Gabe

In a video we're not going to watch because of time constraint, it says that to get somebody sober, you give them a cold shower and very strong black coffee. That is completely wrong. All you'll get is a cold, wet drunk who's also high on caffeine. -a Driver’s Ed teacher

I used, thankee, blessee, really truly, that's what you think, and I love "incoherent sputterings" which I heard ... somewhere to describe ... something. -DNM

Seriously, I see everyone as toothless, chuckling old men. I don't know why... -Mouse

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-seen in a .signature file

My parents pray for him every night, which I refuse to do because I am not religious. I think when you are not religious, it is horrible to start praying just because you need something or are in a bind. -carrina

I like to sleep. Newton's fourth law of physics states, 'A body at rest tends to stay at rest.' It's a law. Really. I like to think of myself as a law-abiding citizen. -Kumanoki

Would you like to join this web ring? If you do, you really need to get a life. And you most likely need a bath too. In fact, why don't you jump off a bridge and kill yourself. You'll be doing the human race a favor by removing yourself from the gene pool.

But I'm no pin-up. The only way I'll get a staple into my navel is if I trip while carrying the stapler. -Kumanoki

Sure, I cried when I saw Titanic. I'm not made of stone. A technological wonder like that ship going down on it's maiden voyage would make any man with a subscription to Popular Mechanics weep. I'm the guy you confide in. I'm 'safe'. Non-threatening. A teddy bear, if you will. I'm big, I'm sweet, I feel, I understand, and I listen, if the game isn't on. -Kumanoki

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow the world will be eaten by ANGRY TURNIPS -MT

The Almighty Fungi -HH

A good drum is pretty much indestructible, provided that you don't drop it off the roof of your house! -Olse

No, you don't look scary, The only way it's possible for someone to look scary is when they're bearing down on you with a broken bottle in one hand and a face that promises you they're going to use it. -Strider

A life? Where do you download one of them?! -Dragon

Normal? I've seen normal people, and I'm a lot happier than most of them. I'll stay odd, thank you. -DZ

What does it feel like when you discover that the true reflection of your inner soul is a squirming pink thing which belches skulls and eats people? -ID

HMM, I DIDN'T NOTICE THE HOT SAUCE ALL OVER MY DOUGHNUT! I THINK I'LL JUST EAT IT! -RM in response to a bad April Fool's prank

Yep, this is educational. Now after this conversation, all of 70 will know what to do next time they ar attacked by a hoard of evil vampires. - maths teacher after having an in-depth conversation about Buffy with the class

Who needs horror films when you've got AOL? Or Microsoft for that matter.

When your life gets boring, there's only one thing to do....Go on a killing rampage.... -TIE

It's hard to type withn a sock on your thumb! -CH

you can hide in the music.. -HOV

First rule of unpredictability: be unpredictable.

And no, you are not God. God lives above us, not below us. -PN

But, really, getting over your fear of losing organs is the hardest part of serious martial arts. -MC

I don't know how you do things in your world, but we use these things called, "words"... -HJ (to an incoherant person with bad spelling)

I'm just a F#&%*ING ray of sunshine, aren't I? -VR

I think you should let me go, or else I will use my fluffy bunny-style of martial arts on you. -VR

I am neither Enchilada nor Burrito; I am the instrument of your defeat; ENCHIRITO!!! Yeah.... -MT

You shall fear me, for I have nothing to lose. -MT

I was so corrupted that no one actually knows any example of my corruption. -MT

We have a spell chack now... use it! -PR

I heard there was a personality sale at the store. Better go get one. -WC

If everyone that said speaking up doesn't make a difference spoke up for what they believed maybe they could make a difference. -Sandslash

Maybe it's a diversion -ES, referring to a nice plant in a dirty bathroom.

I thought the tube actually did something, but it turns out that it's just a tube. -ES

I'm not beautiful, and I'm not a star; I'll never get rich, and I'll never go far; I'm too moody, odd, and bizzarre, but I can deal with that. I'm happy right where I'm at.

If you can show me a man who can turn a washing machine into a bullet, then he's a better man than I am. -AL, upon being told that manufacturers were using metal from washing machines to make bullets during the Civil War.

We should just ship them all off to an island and put a dome over it so they can't get out. I don't want them breathing my air anyway. [Dreamy look on his face] Yeah, that would be neat. -algebra teacher commenting on those students whom he refers to as "THOSE kids"

My English professor smokes a pipe. Supposed to be some arrogant thing, to place a burning barrier between you and the rest of the world. It's supposed to imply thoughtfulness or intelligence. It's not intelligent to stand around with a controlled fire sticking out of your mouth!" -KR

This music always makes me think of rich people who commit murder. -AM, listening to classical music

Another one bites the dust... figuratively, of course. -Mike

I don't know about you, but I'm not going to any dentist with a drive-thru. -KR

Teenage flirters (who I only know about) seem to try to act seductively eg. sliding one leg slowly over the other to cross them, or tossing their hair back, or walking slowly but as if they need to go to the toilet (tops of thighs pressed together so their hips swivel).

'Tis not the season to be jolly.
Fa la la la la... screw this. -_- -TP

--

This post was brought to you by a noodle packet. well, that's what inspired it ^^;;;; It had "exploding with real flavour!!!!!" written on the packet. Which reminded me of some other things I've read, like "Can your tastebuds stand our new, amazing zinger flavours??!!??" or "bursting with powerful taste!" etc etc

What worries me is that our food seems to be getting more and more dangerous every day. It's scary. One day it might be "erupting with real barbed wire!!" or something o_O;; I like my food to be nice and quite, and not to try and fight back/explode while I'm trying to eat it.

ss

--

If you ever do get the CD, try singing along with it ^^;; It's great fun. Though the words are in another language, so it could possibly be something really depressing and not at all positive like "Ow, my foot hurts! Very much! But I must eat a rock for my true love." or something ^^;

Eh, another problem with singing songs in another language is that if you want to do it under your breath in a public place, you get very weird looks. Or people walking up to you and starting to speak to you in another language, like "Oh! You speak Spurglefug??? How wonderful! Where are you from?"

ss

--

What is your favorite TV station?
1 . comedy central
2. VH1
3. MTV
4. fox
5. 64 (its a black screen with a line going across it)
6. 31 (its a black screen with a blue box saying "password" in it)
I like the blank stations cuz you can use your imagination.
(boy i really need to get to bed)

--

Mr. Goldenberg: Does anyone happen to know which country was third into World War I?
Katie: Um, wasn't it Europe?

Nich: You know, every time you supress a sneeze, it kills 200,000 brain cells.
Matt: Hey. You just made that up, just now.
Nich: Yeah you're right.

Lea: I'll be back soon!
Ash: Don't leave! I'll stay up till 3 if I have to, just to keep you happy =)
AK: Aww XP Too bad you're talking to me now, lover boy
Ash: =(
AK: Serenade her
AK: So when she gets back, she'll see a beautiful token of your love
Ash: Serenade? OK
Ash: Hmmmm.....
AK: *Plays bongos in background*

[Ash suggests he bring his two friends to hook up with Lea and her two friends]
Lea: Um. How old are Dirk and Tim?
Ash: Am I too young for you?
Lea: My two best friends are 18.
AK: Dirk's 14
Ash: Dirk'll be 17, and 6"2'!!! And Tim'll be 15
AK: Tim is imaginary

Ash: Ahhhhh, I'm just imagining what it would be like to come thru the gate, drop my bags, and have Lea jump into my arms.
AK: And you'll collapse considering you're skinny as a twig..
AK: And have to be taken to a hospital

Lea: I would love to go to the UK.
AK: She would?
Lea: I was supposed to go next year, actually.
Ash: YOU WERE?
AK: Until she learned you lived there

AK: Lea, do you have any guys that are considered your boyfriend?
Lea: No...
Ash: =)
AK: Or 'partners in sweet love making'?

Ash: Goodbye sweetie, goodbye.... thing
Lea: Byeeee
AK: Lea, he called you a thing!
Ash: I'll think about you both... Lea more
AK: Don't think about me
AK: Please don't
Ash: On a ratio of about 1,000,000,000,000,000:1

Cat: What breed of pig is this?
Older Sister Who Is Training To Be A Vet: Sheep.

[following from rinkworks.com]

Tech Support: Are you reading an error message to me?
Customer: No, I'm reading an error message to you.

Patron: I am looking for a globe of the earth.
Librarian: We have a table-top model over here.
Patron: No, that's not good enough. Don't you have a life-size?
Librarian: (pause) Yes, but it's in use right now.


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