How to be a "Cool" Asian
1) Be racist.
2) Dye your hair...reddish brown for best results (but then again, blonde turns out to be
reddish-brown anyway).
3) You must drive an Acura Integra or Honda Civic (stick shift for da fellows--it's a
testosterone thang).
4) Never wear glasses out of class--only FOBs can do so (colored contacts are required).
5) Be racist.
6) Girls, wear dark lipstick (the browner the cooler--no matter if you end up lookin like you
stuffed your face in chocolate).
7) To achieve the natural look, apply layers and layers of make-up on...if it starts to look
unnatural (heaven forbid) just apply another layer.
8) Curl your eyelashes till they touch your eyelids.
9) Never be caught dead in a group of less than 10.
10) Be racist.
11) Only associate with fellow yellows.
12) When you want to speak about a non-Asian in front of their face, speak your own
language very loudly and rudely.
13) Interpret every little thing as a racial issue.
14) Never be on time when meeting friends.
15) Be racist.
16) Dog on inter-racial couples.
17) A pager is a life necessity. (or a cell phone...or both).
18) Only wear clothes in the exciting shades of black and white (occasionally cream, brown,
gray allowed).
19) Girls must stare at each other more guys stare at them.
20) Be racist.
21) Always dress like you're going to a party...even when you’re going to Walmart.
22) Hang out in coffee shops when there's nothing to do.
23) Girls must be masters of Bust-A-Move.
24) Guys must be masters of Killer Instinct or Mortal Kombat III.
25) Be racist.
26) Make every event a social one--church, school, funerals...
27) Guys must wear their choice of: Eternity, Escape, Cool Water.
28) Girls--dress skimpy on a cold day so that a guy has to lend you his coat.
29) Guys are not allowed to leave the mall without at least one set of digits...that means a
phone numbers for you morons who didn't know.
30) Be racist.
31) Always change your pager greeting at least 3 times a day...sometimes add cheesy music
for the full 30 seconds to piss the callers off.
32) Carry at least 1000 pictures around w/ you wherever you go--pictures only of Asians of
course...
33) Take pictures everywhere you go...even in your own driveway, guys--always look rough
and all hard-core, lifting your chin up to the lens, girls--fake smile, or no smile.
34) Guys--never say hi verbally back to a girl...either lift one eyebrow, nod your chin
(very cocky), or wink (the most annoying one).
35) Be racist.
36) Fit 9 people in a car, when the limit is 5.
37) Wear a jade necklace, even if you’re not into Buddha.
38) There must be a stringy, oriental-looking ornament dangling from the mirror of
your souped-up car.
39) Girls--be abnormally obsessed with Sanrio (Kerroppi, Hello Kitty, Pochacco, Pekkle,
etc...)
40) Be racist.