**** Opening shot...down a hallway into a living room, girl sitting on a couch watching XF

It's Sunday night; I am curled up in my room

**** Shot of another girl watching

The tv light fills my heart like a balloon

**** Shot of another girl walking down a hallway, looking up wistfully -

I hold it in as best I can;

**** Shot of anothe girl walking through a living room

I know I'm just another fan,

**** Split shot of all of the above people -

But I can't help feeling I could love this secret agent man.

**** Shot of elderly (is that PC? ) woman on the street

And I can't wait any more for

**** Shot of a woman standing on a corner (er, kinda looks like a woman who *would* stand on a street corner, if you get my drift)

Him to discover me,

**** Three girls on an escalator

I got it bad for

**** Shot of a guy in leathers, leather cap, sunnies, moustache (kinda looks like, er, one of those who would frequent the Blue Oyster Bar, for anyone who saw the Police Academy movies )

David Duchovny

**** Two guys sword-fighting in a play (think Hamlet or something like that)

David Duchovny, why won't you love me,

**** A motorcycle cop, then shot of DD diving into a pool, from underwater (from Playing God)

why won't you love me, why won't you love me?

**** Two guys dressed as women. One playing with Ken and Barbie versions of Mulder and Scully, the other singing to him/her. (Note: he/she makes Ken!Mulder knock Scully out )

My friends all tell me, "Girl you know it's just a show,"

**** Shot of DD, close up of his eyes, from XF, and also from Twin Peaks as Denise

but deep within his eyes

**** Guy/girl with Ken!Mulder held to his/her chest

I see me wrapped up like a bow,

*** Shot from The Red And The Black, the group on the bridge watching the lights overhead

Watching the sky for a sign,

**** Shot of Mulder's badge from the opening sequence

the FBI's on my mind,

**** Shot of an elderly woman in a chair (not miming the song)

I'm waiting for the day

**** Shot of a large group of teenaged girls sitting together, pointing up to the sky

when my lucky stars align

**** Shot of DD, as he appeared to Scully in the 'I've come back to be with you' sequence from Anasazi, then of him getting out of the pool in his red speedo, with NL nearby

In the form of

**** Guy and girl outside a movie theatre, DD's name up in lights

David Duchovny, floating above me,

**** Shot from Blessing Way, at the mine when Mulder sees the ship fly overhead

in the alien light of the spaceship of love, oh,

**** Girl on bed, looking up at the ceiling, a poster of DD on it (Playing God poster)

David Duchovny, hovering above me,

**** Shot of DD from Humbug, looking Mr GQ (end of ep, foot on the step of the trailer, hands on hips)

American Heathcliff,

**** Shots from RSD (maybe..not sure, but naked chest!!) and The Rapture

brooding and coming,

**** Shot of Frank Spotnitz and John Shiban (I think!),

David Duchovny

**** then Vince appears between and from behind/below them

why won't you love me,

**** Shot of WBD, in character as CSM - smoking -

why won't you love me,

**** Shot of the crew (?) looking up to an overhead camera yelling

why won't you love me?

**** Shot of Rob Bowman and Kim Manners holding hands and skipping (yes, SKIPPING!!!)

So smooth and so smart, he's abducted my heart,

**** Dan Sackheim (I think!) walking along, talking into a cell phone

and I'm falling apart

**** Shot of DD from movie when he enters the bee dome with Scully (Sorry, can't make out the words here, but they were missed when the words were posted) I think the words are:

Cos his cool is disclosed

**** Mitch Pileggi, singing very sexily I might add lifting his eyebrows

From his ten little toes

**** Shot of DD, close up

right up to his

**** Bruce Harwood

jagged

**** Dean Haglund

Jewish

**** Tom Braidwood

nose

**** Nic Lea air-drumming (and looking so damn fine!!) before somebody tackles him****

But it's his eyes I can't leave.

**** Chris Owens, singing into a phone held the wrong way up

Well you can say I'm naive,

**** GA at the door of her trailer, pulling it closed as her line finishes

But he told me to believe

**** Shots of CC at his p.c., doing the ooo's

Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo

Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo

Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo

**** Shot of DD in the 'headboard' scene from Kalifornia (nice naked butt profile!)

Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo

**** Girl packing a bag

My bags are packed,

**** Another girl packing a framed pic of DD into a bag

I am ready for my flight,

**** Another girl with a bag over her shoulder, walking across a room

Gonna put an end to

**** Another girl sitting staring out a window

my daydream days and sleepless nights,

****Janeane Garafalo (?) cigarette hanging loosely out of her mouth

Sitting like a mindless clone,

**** Charles Nelson Reilly in a phone booth!

wishing he would tap my phone,

**** Two Baywatch (?) girls

Just to hear the breath of

**** Bebe Neuworth (?) with big screen pic of DD in the background

the man, the myth, the monotone...

**** Jerry O'Connell riding a push bike

And I would say

**** Alex Trebek, a bank of TV screen behind him with DD's name on each one.

David Duchovny,

**** Two women,(and dog) from Frasier

why won't you love me,

**** Erik Estrada on a motorbike in leather jacket

why won't you love me,

**** Hector Elizondo

why won't you love me?

**** Kevin Nealon

David Duchovny,

**** Calista Flockhart

why won't you love me,

**** Whoopie Goldberg and Rosie O'Donnell

why won't you love me,

**** Melissa Etheridge, with guitar

why won't you love me?

**** Jenna Elfman, sitting on a bed

David Duchovny, I want you to love me,

**** Gary Shandling in a spa (topless), stands up and holds his arms out

to kiss and to hug me,

**** Dennis Franz, in character for NYPD Blue

debrief and debug me,

**** Brad Pitt, leaning against a wall

David Duchovny, I know you could love me,

**** David Spade

I'm sweet and I'm cuddly,

**** Sarah Michelle Gellar, wielding a knife 'pyscho' style

I'm gonna kill Scully!

**** George Clooney in blond wig

David Duchovny,

**** Pamela Anderson and some other actress

why won't you love me,

**** The members of KISS, in costume

why won't you love me,

**** Three women (From Xena?) crawling on a floor towards the camera

why won't you love meeeeeee?

**** Shot of DD relaxing in a recliner chair, eyes closed, smile on his face, apparently dreaming

Yeah.......

THEN....

Mark (Assistant Director on XF) appears through the trailer, waking him up saying...

"Yo! Duchovny! What are you deaf? You're wanted on set!! Now!!!!"

DD gets up, sleepily, walks out of the trailer, Mark following and shaking his head, then looks back at the camera, still shot on his face as Bree Sharp sings...

"I'll be waiting"

AND THEN!!!!!

Jerry Springer, sitting on a chair, about to deliver one of his deep and meaningful monologues.

"From birth, all we ever truly want is for people to love us. Whether we're black or white, business men or crack-whores, or satanic lesbians or self-mutilating homophobes, Barbra Streisand or Gary Coleman, it's what makes the world go round. So if you're out there David Duchovny....why won't you love me? Why?"

THE END! (Plus a whole lotta funny out-takes)

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