Twas the Night Before Christmas binge
Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there While I in my girdle and Pa in chin straps had just settled down to sugar-borne naps When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash tore open the icebox then threw up the sash The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow sent thoughts of a binge to my body below When what to my wandering eyes should appear: a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer! That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick The sweet-coated santa, those sugared reindeer I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox From the top of the scales to the top of the hall now dash away pounds now dash away all Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress my clothes were all bulging from too much excess My droll little mouth and my round little belly they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly I spoke not a word but went straight to my work ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk And laying a finger beside my heartburn I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry if temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by And I mumbled again as I turned for the night in the morning I'll starve...'til I take that first bite! (author unknown)
Twas the night before Christmas
and all round my hips
were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips
Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care
in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there
While I in my girdle
and Pa in chin straps
had just settled down to sugar-borne naps
When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter
Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash
tore open the icebox then threw up the sash
The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow
sent thoughts of a binge to my body below
When what to my wandering eyes should appear:
a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!
That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick
I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick
The sweet-coated santa, those sugared reindeer
I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear
On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS
a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox
From the top of the scales to the top of the hall
now dash away pounds now dash away all
Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress
my clothes were all bulging from too much excess
My droll little mouth and my round little belly
they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly
I spoke not a word but went straight to my work
ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk
And laying a finger beside my heartburn
I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned
I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry
if temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by
And I mumbled again as I turned for the night
in the morning I'll starve...
'til I take that first bite!
(author unknown)
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