METHOS Tune: "The Armour Hot Dog Song By: Dannell BARRY MANILOW Lites Methos, oh what kind of fen love our Methos? Fru fen, truefen, fen who don't like beer! Fen of boxer shorts will cheer! Cheer Methos, cheer for Methos, The ROG fen love so dear!! JINGLE TOES Tune: "Jingle Bells" Dashing through the fru, looking for Methos As through the pics we go , drooling, he's the most! Bells on Toes so cute, causing thoughts of sin What fun it is to see his toes and sing a hymn to them! CHORUS Barefoot toes, barefoot toes, Methos all the way! What joy it is to drool and sing a fruish song today! Oh, jingle toes, jingle toes, Methos all the way! Great fun it is to see a fru and play and play and play! HIGHLANDER from Dannell Lites Tune: "Jingle Bells" Dashing to my set in a frenzy I must say Upon my couch I sprawl drooling all the way! What joy it is to watch HL and slowly turn to mush! CHORUS Oh, Highlander, Highlander! HL all the way What fun it is to watch and sing a slaying song tonight! Oh, Highlander, Highlander! HL all the way What fun it is to see Methos and gush and gush and gush!! HIGHLANDER from Dannell Lites Tune: "Green Acres" Seacouver is the place to be Highlander is the Show for me Our Methos is a source of pride Keep Rysher just gimme that TV guide! Right here is where I'd rather play Oh, Methos is the one who may I just adore a fru to see Dunkie, I love ya, but gimme that ROG!! I am His Wife!! Goodby Real Life! Highlander we are here!! AN IMMIE TO GO BATHING WITH HIS SWORD or DUNKIE'S ENCOUNTER CIRCA 1673 by Dannell Lites One day as I was bathing By a Clear Secluded stream A maiden stepped from hiding And said these words to me: "I see that you're an Immie And used to harsh discord For nobody but any Immie Would go bathing with his sword!" "I once had an Immie lover His name was Methos they say And if you'd pour beer upon it He'd eat a bale of hay! "And everybody listened Though quietly he talked Foe he carried so much hidden steel That he clattered when he walked!" He was handy in bedroom And cunning, Oh my Dear! But the thing that made him famous Was his thirst for many beers!" "One night he said, 'I'm thirsty!' I was sleepy but I tried His beer was fifteen minutes late And he shriveled up and died!!" "And so I lost my lover And so I pledged My Lord To wait here for some Immie To go bathing with his sword!!" SONG FOR THE HORSEMEN or THE ROG'S ADVICE by Dannell Lites TUNE: "Supercalifragilistic, etc" Pillage,rape and loot and burn But all in moderation! If you do they things I Plan Then we'll soon rule the nations! Pillage rape and loot and burn But all in moderation! Pillage, rape and loot and burn But all in moderation Kill you foes and enemies And then kill their relations! Pillage, rape and loot and burn But all in moderation!! THE SING-SONG BING-BONG SHAMMA-LAMMA DING-DONG LOWDOWN ROG BLUES or Petey's Nightmare by Dannell Lites Tune: "Lucille" He fell threu the front door of a Seacouver barroom An Immie still paintede all blue He tripped on a barstool, fell over a table And lost his last sweater and shoe Now he was a looker and a high pressure cooker A barefooted cutie for sure He was wide-eyed and frightened what happedned by night's end Would soon have me taking the cure! Just then the front door oif that Seacouver barroom Was smashed by a horde of wild chicks They ripped off his clothing ignored all his loathing Laughed at his cries of protest They grabbed up the cuties of the shapely patootie And dragged him right out of the door My ears were ringing but I swear I heard singing In a high-pitched soprano like roar - CHORUS You picked a fine time to leave us Methos! Your our Blue Faced Love God but you're more than a boast! We really fell for you primevil yell for A Bronze Age lust all night long You picked a fine time to leave us Methos! Oh now there on the back streets of Seacouver town there Raged a battle both mighty and true I follow those wimmin down Seacouver streets While their victim struggled his best He called for his sword then and vowed he would not sin A vow he was destined to rue I was puzzled with no clue to see him skin so blue But tell me what the hell is a fru!? They looked all around for a good place to take him An alley stood high on their list They stripped him and miffed him, kissed him and pissed him He fought them as best as he could But too soon they had him all bound Blue jeans were flying and Methos was cryin' To them girls as he sobbed and frowned: LAST CHORUS!! You picked a fine time to chase me you fools! With Dunkie in trouble Now, Kronos might rule! You smeared me with blue yak lard, cought me off my guard You aought to be feathered and tarred! You picked a fine time to chase me you fools!! WOULDN'T IT BE R-O-G Tune: "Wouldn't It Be Loverly?" All I want's to survive, I swear! Far away from MacKeod's dour glare About The Prize, who cares?? Oh, wouldn't it be R-O-G? Lots of Kimmies For Mac to beat! Fighting and swords that are so neat! My Ivanho's real sweet! Oh wouldn't it be R-O-G? Oh, so R-O-G manipulating MacLeod for fun! Then I'm not forced to listen To comments about my gun! Someone's head whizzing past my knee In the end one's all there can be! Now, why can't it be me?? Oh, wouldn't it be R-O-G? R-O-G R-O-G R-O-G IF I WERE THE WINNER OF THE PRIZE "If I Were King Of The Forest" If I were the winner of The Prize The One! The One! The One! My sword would attack'em My Ivanhoe would be whackin' I'd command each thing be it Kimmie foul With a swish and whack and a Hoerseman growl - GRRRR! As I'd click my heels Amanda would kneel And Joe would bow and Duncan kowtow If I - If I - were The One! There'd be no need to run! Each Mortal would show respect for me The Immies genuflect to me Though my sword would be lashin' I would show compassion For every underling! If I - If I - were King! (Hastily: "I mean -") The One! I SAW MOMMY KISS THE ROG! Tune: "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus!" I saw Mommy kiss the R-O-G! Oh, down at Joe's Bar late last night! She didn't see me creep through the doors to have a peek She thought I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep! Then I saw Mommy tickle her Methos open his lips oh so fru My what a fight it would have been If Daddy had only seen Mommy kissing Methos painted blue!! WHATEVER METHOS WANTS OR THE FANNISH DAYDREAM Tune: "Whatever Lola Wants" Whatecver Methos wants, Methos gets! And little fan - the R-O-G wants you! Make up your mind to have no regrets Recline yourself, resign yourself - you're through! He always gets what he Plans for And your bod and heart are all he'll stand for! What ever Methos wants, Methos gets! Take off your frock Don't you know you can't win? You're no exception to the rule He's ir-re-sist-i-ble you fool! Give in! THE ROG'S EXCUSE Tune: "If Ever I Would Leave You" If ever I would cleave you It wouldn't be in Summer! Cleaving you in Summer, it would pain me so Whacking you in Summer - it's to hot for that Paris in the Summer is hotter than heck! But if ever I would cleave you How could it be in Autumn? How I'd cleave you in Autmn I never would knwo! I've seen how it rains then; I hate getting wet! My sword might rurn rusty then where would I be? And could I cleave you fighting merrily in the snow? On a Wintry evening When I'm freezing so? If ever I would cleave you How could it be in Springtime? Knowing how in Spring I'm Too lazy for blows! Oh no! Not in Springtime! Summer, Winter or Fall! No, never would I cleave you at al!! PLEASE DON'T SQUEEZE MY METHOS OR ALEXA'S LAMENT Tune: "Please Don't Squeeze My Charmin" Did you hear what happened last Saturday night? While dancin' and drinkin' We all got half tight My sweet thing, My Methos Was dancin'with a hon When I had to jump up And I hollered off key! CHORUS Please don't squeeze my Methos! Don't hold hjim so tight! You'd best heed my warning It's your last one tonight! He's lean and he's sweet now And cute as can be And if Methos needs squeezin' Just leave that to me! Along about midnight They were feelijg no pain And Mwthos and honey - were dancin' ag'in Then Dunkie and Mandy got into a fight And I heard someone holler As out went the Light! Repeat Chorus! ON TO THE AIR WITH OUR METHOS Tune: "Up In The Air, Junior Birdmen"! On to the air with our Methos! On to the air Rysher, please! Onto the air with our Methos! You mustn't dis or tease us And when you give us our Methos With his gorgeous face the most - Oh, then we'll know all us ROG fen Have sent our complaints in! LADIES LOVE METHOS! Tune: "Ladies Love Outlaws Alexa was a liovely maid from Joe's bar, you see Methos was an Immie - baretoed and lean One night she saw him standing aned it thrilled her to the bone Knew she had to have that BFLG bod all for her own! CHORUS Cause Ladies love Methos Like trufen love to Post! Ladies touch Methos, oh, like Methos touches beer! And Methos Touches Ladies somewhere deep down in their - uh - souls?? Oh, Cassie hates Methos and prays to see him dead! Methos had a reputation as a dread Horseman! Then one night the R-O-G, he finally gave a sign! Cassie left her hate behind and took her place in line! Repeat Chorus WE'RE OFF TO KILL THE ROG NOW Tune: "We're Off To See The Wizard" Follow that Scotsman MacLeod! Follow that Scotsman MacLeod! Follow, follow, follow, follow Follow that Scotsman MacLeod! Follow that Scotsman MacLeod! Follow that Scotsman MacLeod! Follow that Scotsman MacLeod! We're off to kill the ROG now The Really Old Immie Guy! You'll find he is a ROG of a ROG If ever a ROG there was If ever, oh ever a ROG there was Because, because, because! Because of the cunning things he does! We're off to kill the ROG now - The nythical R-O-G!! THE METHOS ROVER Tune: "The Irish Rover" Now MacLeod was at peace , the challenges were few On the Barge I was feeling uite bored So, I bought me a Ford and took to the road Just to see what fun that might afford! In the rear was bar, she could quickly range far So fast were the engines that drove her! She was weaponed near and far She was my kind of car And I called her the Methos Rover!! She had six dozens pistols and guns by the score thre were some tha tcould fit in your palm There were bunches of knives and three dozen grenades Sayuing, "Hi! I'm a thirty second bomb!" ( 29 -28- 27 ...) She had front mounted missles that strick with a force Much like that of a very small nova! And five dozen cases of Pete's Ale, of course! In the trunck of the Methos Rover!! METHOS THOUGHTS Tune: "Rosin The Bow" Well, some people say I'm a cynic I'm quick with a sarcastic retort! Since joing the Watcher I've got a new Plan - I research myself then report!! CHIORUS Now Duncan he says I'm a Devil! And Richie and Joe think so too! But I think that I'm only practical Beer mooching and clever it's true! I never did car much for Challenge Beheading is not what I do! Just light a fire under their asses and - The enemy will come to you! Repeat Chorus WHAT EVER BECAME OF METHOS Tune: "Whatever Became Of Hubert?" Whatever became of Methos? Has anyone heard a thang? Is he lost, is he cross - Is he gathering moss? Herding yaks as he sang? Once a fiery Horseman in spirit But now ehen he wahcks he must clear it! Second fiddles a hard part I know When DM won't even give you a bow! We must protest thios treatment Methos! Says each Highlander viewer As someone once remarked to Rysher - Take us to your cue-er! Whatever became of you Methos? We miss so tell us please Are you mad? Are you bad? Or is Duncan still sad? Oh say do you flap in the breeze? Does Duncan recalling when he was bid time Say, "Listen, I pine; for your fate give a dime?" "Do you dream about staging a coup?" Oh, Methos what happened to you!! METHOS TONIGHT! OR A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE RYSHER FORUM! Someone familiar Someone so clever! Someone for everyfan The R-O-G tonight! Someone appealing Someone revealing Someone for everyfan The R-O-G tonight!! Something of Joe, somone with a past Bring on the Kimmie's Fitz and laughs! No BKC's now We are so pleaed - wow! Nothing of Richie in sight:(:( Dunkie tomorrow The R-O-G tonight! Someone beheaded Quick'ning we've dreaded Something for everyone Our Methos tonight! Someoen so lean now Someone so keen now Someone for everyfan Our Methos tonight! We're glad he's back - we'll celebrate Real Life affairs wil just have to wait! Flashing katana's Scenes in the sauna! Oh, we love the Ivanhoe, right? So, up with the curtain Methos tonight! Something Highlander Something to pander To our lust for candor Our Methos tonight! Something in blue, now Something so fru, now! Something for everyfan Our Methos tonight! We'll soon be sated How long we've waited! To see the R-O-G Our Methos tonight! The B-F-L-G is plenty for me So up with the curtain Methos tonight! THE R-O-G OF WONDER Tune: "The Yellow Rose Of Texas" There's an R-O-G of wonder Oh, he's the guy for me! And no one can out think him for he's the R-O-G! Now, once he was a Horseman And was quite a sight to see! He's the B-F-L-G! CHORUS He's the smartest Immie going and he's the oldest, too! His eyes are green-gold jewels, they make us want to fru! You may lust after your Dunkie-Poo and drool for Richie, too! but the R-O-G of wonder is the sexiest, that's who! There's an R-O-G of wonder And Methos is his name! There's no Immie who can whack him for he wil wion The Game! When he unsheaths his Ivanho it deals a mighty blow! And if that don't work he'll doff his shoes to reveal THE TOES! CHORUS Oh, bit we really miss him And our hearts are full of woe! The Powers have betrayed us and crushed our spirits so! We'll play our ep tapes daily And remember days of yore Then the R-O-G of wonder shall be ours forever more! THE METHOS RAG Tune: "The Sounds Of Silence" I am Methos, that is me! And I'm devious as can be! I'm slso mean and low and tricky Call me Highlander's main sickie! And the cunning, oh, that's planted in my brain - Will remain Until i win The Prize!Q In the end, now, there can be Only one and that is me! See, I'm not really very picky Long as I'm the one that gets the Quickie!! 5,000 years I've managed to survive Watch me hide! Until I win the Prize! My favoriye drink is cheap, warm beer! And you should see me when I sneer! I'm also mouthy, droll and witty! You know it's really such a pity I was Death on a horse, the nightmare we all dread - Watch your head! Until I win The Prize! IRREGULAR WATCHER Tune: "The Irish Washerwoman" All my sweater are baggy, my jeans they are black! We "Brothers" Four Horsemen tied Rome in a sack! I am not regulation I don't try to be I'm a pain in the ass of the standard Immie! I'm a pragmatic cynic though only a myth I make deadly comments brimming with pith I will honor a bargin and stand by a friend But right about there is where my mannes end! Well, if you mess with Methos then be ready to fly Just be sure not to cross him The Really Old Guy! He'll strike in the time that it takes you to cough The next thing you know is your heads coming off! If you bother Methos you are sure to regret it Whatever your plan is he's bound to upset it Thee's two types of warnings you'll get when he's hot: One when he's smiling and one when he's not! THE ROG LULLABY Tune: "The MLF Lullaby" By: Tom Lehrer Sleep, Methos, sleep In peace may you slumber No danger lurks your peace to encumber You'll need your sword your head to defend So keep it shap and aleays duck then win! Why shouldn't you just take more and more heads? Duncan says, "No!", but he's just a sorehead I say the object whould be beheading And guess who's the one on which I'm betting?? So, sleep well, dear Methos, the Sandman can linger We hope that Duncan won't give you the finger! We love The Old Man - I mean the R-O-G! Here's to your loyal ally (Duncan? Duncan Who?) The R-O-G will be the One Because he sleeps so bloody well! He sleps in boxers, so slender and lean Sword 'neath his pillow - so it goes ... He loves going barefoot - for his feet we're keen! Oh yes, we're all lusting for his toes! Ok, remember YOU asked for it!!:):) HOT PATOOTIE!! Tune: The Same! Whatever happend to Highlander night?? When you saw Methos and you felt just right! It don't seem the same since all the hype Came into my life, I thought he was divine! I used to read SF and I'd watch TV I thought channel surfer was the thing to be! Saw a Bristish guy playing in that Highlander show And there I saw Methos and my lust did grow! (Spoken: "He's got a -" CHORUS Hot patootie, blessed be he! I really love that R-O-G! Hot patootie, blessed be he! I really love that R-O-G Hot patootie, blessed be he! I really love that R-O-G! Hot patootie, blesse be he! I really love that R-O-G! My head starting swimming from his lazy smile And then the sound of his voice made my heart go wild Well it was there I fell in love with his cunning guile He was a great liar, man oh man, he really has style!! REPEAT CHORUS His sense of humor it's so perverse And Queen was singing "Princes Of the Universe" Now it was was so very easy to fall for his charms And besidesm I like the way that he's always well armed!! REPEAT CHORUS!! I'VE GROWN ACCUSTIOMED TO HIS TOES Tune: "I've Grown Accustomed To Her Face" DANNELL Yes! Yes! Yes! I've grown accustomed to his toes They alsways make me want to sin! I've grown accustomed to his wit Cynical I must admit His smirks, his sighs His lips , his eyes Are all I think of constantly Like Watching him and fruing him Now I was happy with my man before we met Surely I can always be that way again? And yet - I've grown accustomed to his beer Accustomed to his sword I just love to see him "doing cute", oh, everyday! His accent! His nose! His hands! His toes! Are all I think of constantly Like Blue Frosting and His Harem Yes, I'm just thrilled that he's the ROG! And so very old and wise! Just like an addiction One can always shake and yet - I've grown accustomed to his foes Who take me hostage now and then I've grown accustomed to his toes ...