“Hello?”

“Hi, is Judy there?” I asked, my voice shaking.

“This is.”

“Hi, this is Mike Finn...” I said. I hate my name. It’s so choppy. ‘Mike-Finn.’ I t sounds so terrible. And if I try to say it so it’s not choppy, I end up slurring it together, to the point where it becomes ‘Myfin’.

Anyway, I expected her to say ‘hi Mike’ or something. However, I was met with silence, so I started to talk again.

“Who is this?” she interrupted me. Damn two syllable name. Maybe I had slurred my introduction. Or maybe I just said it too fast, because I was nervous.

“Mike Finn.” I said as clearly as I could.

“Oh, hi! I didn’t expect you to be calling.” Judy answered. She didn’t emphasize any certain words, so it was hard to tell what she really meant. I mean, it could have been ‘I didn’t expect you to be calling, as in you are an annoying, obsessive creep, so stop bothering me. Then again, she could’ve just been saying, ‘I didn’t expect you to be calling.’ since I had already pretty much said everything that need be said, in that note I had given her on the last day of school.

“So, you did get my note... right?” I said, referring to that very same note. She was a senior, and I had told her I liked her... something that a freshman with a two syllable name just wasn’t supposed to do. Mind you, I didn’t tell her that I loved her; even I knew that that would have been too much.

“Yeah, I did,” she said at last “It was very good.” That really got to me. I mean, you’d think she’d say it was ‘sweet’ or ‘nice’. ‘Very good’? It was like it was some sort of essay contest or something. ‘Very good’? That just didn’t fit.

There was this kind of awkward silence after she said that. I mean, it would’ve been silence, had I not kept saying “Umm...” and “hmm...”, and if she hadn’t kept reiterating the words, “Very good...very good.” Finally, I broke in with , “Actually, I kind of wanted to apologize... you know, if my noted offended you or anything... I mean, you probably already have a boyfriend and all...” I had planned to say that. I mean, it was largely just to flatter her, and make it seem like that was my only reason for calling. Of course, really, corny as it may sound, I just wanted to hear her voice.

“No, I don’t,” she said.

“Oh.” I hadn’t really planned for that. Honestly, I thought she’d just kind of blow off the comment, so as to not really hurt my feelings, or whatever. It didn’t really matter, though. We just chatted about trivial things for a while after. You know, the usual, ‘How’s your summer going?’ and ‘What’ve you been up to?’ Had I been talking to anyone else, I would’ve deemed the conversation boring. But with Judy, I was too nervous to think about anything like that.

Anyway, after I was through with the call, I sat around, just thinking about what had been said. My friends are always telling me that I think too much. I just can’t help it, though. I have to over analyze everything. It’s just my nature I guess.

And it was right there, sitting and overthinking, that I had a revelation. Well, at least that’s what I’d call it. That’s what I termed it right then, anyway. Looking back, it really fell more under the category of moronic idea. Either way, I was focusing on her saying that she didn’t have a boyfriend. On the surface, it would appear that she had just been responding to my comment truthfully. However, when I dug deeper, I began to interpret her words as meaning, ‘No, I don’t have a boyfriend. But I’d sure like one... one like you.’

It’s funny, because looking back, that was about the stupidest conclusion I could’ve arrived at. But I just couldn’t see that. Maybe I was just blinded by passion or something like that. All I know for sure, is that for that time, it seemed perfectly rational that she liked me as much as I liked her.

So, it was decided. I had to see her. A phone call wouldn’t do, now. I knew where she lived... just a couple of blocks away. I’d just stop by, and things would all work themselves out from there.

By that time, about an hour had passed since I made the call. The cloudy morning had turned into a rainy afternoon. That wouldn’t matter, though. I threw on my hooded sweatshirt, got my bike out of the garage, and started riding. I was soaked by the time I reached Judy’s driveway. It was still raining, but there comes a point when you stop noticing such things. There were three cars outside the house. Judy drove one of them. That was the first moment of realization, so to speak. Here I was, standing in the rain, bike at my side. She could just as easily be driving off somewhere.

I refused to be intimidated, though. I positioned my bike behind one of the cars. I suppose that I saw it as a way of masking my relative immaturity. Whether or not that was the case, my confidence was restored. The presence of a car, the weather, a two syllable name... none of these things would stop me. I would talk to Judy.

As I rang the doorbell, I could hear that little sound of it’s ringing inside. That was it. If I were to wuss out, I still could... this was my last chance. I actually did take a half step away from the door, but then reestablished my footing, and stood firm.

And there Judy was, standing in the doorway. “Hello?” she said. I threw back my hood, so she could see my face.

“Hi.” I said.

“Oh my gosh, you must be freezing. Come inside...”

“No,” I interrupted, “I’m fine.”

She didn’t look too sure about the truthfulness of that statement, but went on, “So, umm... what can I help you with?” She was standing inside, in a loose-fitting red and white sweater and jeans, completely dry and warm. And there I was, shivering, and practically drowning in all that rain. The idea of my inferiority rose again.

I persevered, though. There was no chickening out now. “Well, I just wanted to speak to you about something... face to face.” My voice was quivering. I absolutely hate that. It’s the surest possible sign that someone’s nervous.

“What did you want to talk about?” she asked.

“Well, it’s just that... well you know how... I mean...” I was stammering far too much. Finally, I slowed down, and was able to say with relative calm, “Look, when we were taking on the phone earlier, you said quite clearly... almost too clearly, that you didn’t have a boyfriend. And I was thinking, and had the idea that you may have been hinting that you wanted one... umm... namely... uhh... me.”

I had spoken steadily up until that last sentence. As I said the words... not just asking her out, but insinuating that she had wanted me to do it... I realized just how ludicrous the idea was.

For a while, neither of us spoke. Judy had this look on her face, like someone who had just seen a little dog getting run over by a Buick. Pity. That’s the only feeling she had for me... the only positive feeling at least. “Look,” I started “Forget what I just said. Just... just forget everything.” I hurried way from the door, and pulled my bike out from behind the car. It didn’t matter if she saw it now.

I climbed onto the seat, and began peddling furiously. I heard Judy calling my name. I was no longer in a state where I wanted to talk to her.

I don’t know what it was; the slipperiness of the wet ground or my lack of concentration, or what, but just moments after pulling out of the driveway, bike tipped over, and I fell to the road. That’s when I started to cry. It wasn’t from pain or anything; just my general patheticness. And very honestly, I’m not the type to cry often - much less, in the view of Judy. I prayed that she had stopped watching.

She hadn’t, though. In a moment, she was kneeling beside me. She wore a yellow slicker, and kept saying, “Come inside. Come inside.”

She held my shoulders, and tried to lead me into her house. I shouldn’t budge, though. “No,” I said. “No.” I said louder. “No! No! No!” I got louder and louder. I really wish that she would’ve let me go then, because I truly regret what happened next.

I shoved her. It wasn’t that hard a shove. Well, at least I hadn’t meant it to be. Either way, she fell backwards. “Oh my God!” I said at once, as I squatted next to her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she said slowly. I offered her my hand to get up, but instead, she said “Sit down.” I complied. For a few minutes, all I could hear was the sound of the rain falling. I stopped covering my face. I wasn’t crying anymore, and besides, it was nearly impossible to distinguish tears from rain drops.

“Look, Mike, I really don’t know what to say,” she said... kind of a contradiction really, but that’s beside the point. “It was really sweet... everything you’ve said and done, but...”

“I know, I know!” I said, a little louder than I had intended. I sighed and continued. “I mean, I just really like you... and I guess I went too far - trying to convince myself that you’d ever like me back. I know it’s not your fault or anything. I’m just sorry I put you through all of this.”

Judy look at me and then said, “I think you’ve thought over things way too much..” I kind of stopped listening then. If it wasn’t such a somber situation, I would’ve cracked up right at that moment. It’s like I’ve said... people are always telling me I think too much.

I came back to the conversation just in time to hear her say, “So, if you want to be, like friends, I’m cool with that. otherwise, things have to end here.” She paused. “Are you okay with that?”

“Yeah... I mean.. I’m really sorry about everything. If you’d be friends with me, that’s more than I should really be able to expect anyway.” I didn’t mean a word of it. I mean I was sorry I had shoved her down, and I was sorry that I had made such an ass out of myself, but that was about it. What else could I say, though?

So, we said our good-byes, and parted. I didn’t get my fairy tale ending. But, hey, I was just a freshman with a two syllable name. Judy was a senior... and there were two syllables in her first name alone. I guess I was a little out of my league trying for her. After that day, I only saw her a couple of times, and I avoided speaking to her. Things had gone too far already.

THE END