Chapter 3:
Glimpses

I walked behind Jean towards the med lab where Remy was taken after I had hit him. I was thinking how I would rather face a pack of hungry, rabid wolves with a backpack full of meat than face Remy right now. I had hurt him and over what? Nothing if I was honest with myself. I couldn't blame him if he hated me or wanted me to leave. I sure as hell don't deserve understanding. I acted stupidly and irrationally. And he had paid the price for it. I had hurt another person over nothing.

Jean opened the door and stood aside so I could go in. Remy had his back to us and was finishing taping Remy's nose. He looked up then said something to Remy. Hank walked across the room to walk out with Jean. I was to do this all alone, just Remy and me. I felt hank put a hand on my shoulder as he left then..it was just us. I crossed over to Remy slowly. I kept my head down until I was in front of him then I looked up. Big mistake. I could see angry purple & black bruises above the tape. His eyes which once were just strange and laughing, were now cold and steely. It was as he was looking straight through me. I always laughed at that saying if looks could kill.. But in this case..that's exactly how I felt. Like he was trying to kill me by looking at me. I took a deep breath and tried not to stutter. That has happened ever since I was little. I stuttered when I was scared, and hoo boy now? I was petrified.

"Remy..Um...I want to apologize. I should not have hit you. It was a mistake. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I..I don't have an excuse for my behavior. I have a reason..but no excuse. If you want, I will leave. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I wanted to apologize anyway." I started to walk away when I heard his voice. His accent sounded strange because of the tape. Before it had sounded light and musical, now it was thick and almost indistinguishable. "I'd like to hear you reason for hitting me."

I had not expected this..but I tried to explain. "Um..I..I used to get hit..a lot. And well..as a result..I don't trust real easy. In fact..to be honest, I don't at all. Specially guys. when..when you touched me, it set off a trigger in me. One I thought I'd buried a long time ago..I realize..that's no excuse. But you wanted the reason..and that's it. I knew that sounded so so..I dunno . . farfetched? Lame?"

"Juliana. You don have t'leave." Just a word of advice he leaned in so I had to look at him. "Next time..you watch who you hit. Next time de person you hit may not be so nice. I know I won't be." I nodded and backed away. "I am sorry Remy..I really am."

I could feel him watching me as I walked out. I wasn't using my powers, just that his gaze was that strong. I didn't breathe again until I was on the other side of the closed med lab door. I took a few moments to calm down. I have faced death and hatred..why did one man scare me so?

I started upstairs and was so lost in thought that Hank was able to sneak up behind me. Normally that's impossible to do with a psi. And in my case especially as I can read bio signatures as well as thoughts. "Well Juli? How did it go? You are still walking so I am correct in assuming that you survived."

I jumped a bit at hearing his voice so close. "I suppose. He said I could stay. But said that next time I should watch who I hit, that they may not be so nice. That he sure wouldn't be." Hank laughed. "That's Remy. Relax. He wont hurt you. He's just upset at what happened. He realizes it was an unfortunate accident. As do I. I know you too well to think that you would ever hurt another person on purpose. And you know that I will stand behind you if anyone said otherwise." I nodded. Hank had been a good friend to me. It had made all those months in the hospital so much easier. However, I didn't think I should stay. I was too damn scared. And no matter what he said. I had hurt someone. I didn't trust myself that I wouldn't do it again. And I couldn't lie to him..so I decided to tell him.

"Hank..I don't think I'm gonna stay. I only been here what..an hour? and I hurt someone. I don't trust me that I wont do it again. I know what you gonna say..but..maybe it better if I leave."

"Juliana..Do you remember when you were going through the physical therapy? Do you remember how it felt?"

"Course I do..it hurt like hell. And you know it."

"Tell me..why did you continue if it hurt so bad?"

"To prove to my abusers that I could survive. That they hadn't broken me. They may have broken my leg, but not me. But you know this. Why are you asking now?"

"Well then..I'd venture to say that if you left, in a sense they would win. They have you so scared of yourself that you are afraid to do anything anymore. You know that sometimes life hurts and you cant do anything about it. You cant change your abusers. However, you can let them stop having the control over you. And by staying at least the weekend, you can start to cut the control they have."

I thought about what he said. he was right of course. I knew that. My last therapist had said the same. If I left, they won't. "Ok..I'll stay the weekend..not promise anything more. But at least I will give it a chance. Fair?"

Hank nodded and hugged me. "Fair is as fair does. That's all I was asking Cat."

I hugged him back enjoying the feel of his fur on my face. Cat. I had not heard that name in a long time. It was his own private name for me. My dad called me a version of it, JuliCat, but to hank I was just plain Cat. Said it was because my face looked like one.

Specially in the eyes. I finally pulled back and went to see Xavier and tell him what happened.

After talking to Xavier, Jean showed me a room that was mine for my visit..I suddenly thought of the Wizard of OZ. The scene where Dorothy realizes she's not in Kansas. I said something to myself and was startled by a voice in the doorway. "You always talk to y'self Shugah?"

I turned to find a woman with long auburn hair and a skunk streak in it in my doorframe. "Ah..Non..Not always anyway. Um..I'm Juliana Daniels. I'm visitin' to see if I wanna enroll here." She smiled and came into the room introducing herself as Rogue. She sat on my bed and watched me unpack. I noticed her gloves which unlike mine covered her whole hand. Mine left my fingers exposed. I was hiding scars, what was she hiding? She asked me a lot of questions while I unpacked. I answered and found myself relaxing. Had to be the accent. I'm a sucker for accents. I loved hearing the different dialects especially with English. And hers was honey thick. One I never heard too much in the past. I finally excused myself saying I was exhausted. I wasn't lying. Between the flight and all the tension I'd had, I was physically emotionally & mentally drained. She grinned and said she'd see me at dinner. Finally alone I stretched out on the bed and fell asleep. I woke up in a cold sweat about a half hour later. The dream..I'd had the nightmare again. It seemed I couldn't get away from it. It always followed me. My watch said that I had 15 minutes before dinner, so I got up and found the bathroom Jean had shown me earlier. I splashed some cold water on my face to wake up then fixed my shirt and headed downstairs for dinner. Dinner was a lot like holidays at home. Loud. Everyone was talking at once and just in general having a good time. I sat near the head of the table between Jean and Hank. I didn't say much as I had more fun watching everyone else.

This story was written by PsiWolf. It is part three of an ongoing story. Comments and feedback are very welcome.