The Bane of Beauty

A dilemma which I often find myself in is whether to give into a whim by looking at an attractive young woman in admiration or deny that the woman is around at all.

As a child, I was often told when I lamented that no-one fancied me, that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and that "the beautiful ones are not yet born". I will not deny that there is some truth to this. However, as the passage of time moves me closer towards age and less from youth, I cannot but ask myself when that time will arrive. Perhaps I am too impatient. "After all", most parents will maintain, what am I worrying about? "There are so many fish in the sea that by the time you finish your studies, they’ll be flocking to your door". Yeah, right. And if only you could see them, pigs would be flying.

Perhaps, I am impatient. After all, why wouldn’t I be? In primary school, I was far too busy worrying about making friends with guys that taking an interest in girls was not really my concern. As a teenager, I became more appreciative of beauty than at any other period in my life. However, I was not very lucky - unlike some of my mates - in attracting members of the opposite sex. I was aware that there were people who had an interest in me but because I was not really in their league, it was a nine-day wonder. I even remember someone asking me out; I passed them off for playing the fool and I stupidly refused. Now, as a young man of almost twenty-one years, I sometimes ask myself with open hands when that someone is going to walk through the door of my soul.

I think I kid myself to a certain extent, though, when I maintain that studies are much more important; that idea is indisputable. However, I believe at this stage in my life, I should be able to encapsulate both mental and spiritual beauty into my life - for I believe that beauty is also important; in fact, I think the two go hand in hand. Moreover, this metaphysical union becomes strong when you can engage actively with someone who shares similar interests with you. Unfortunately, one does not always necessarily share an interest in attractive people

For example, I recently talked to a classmate of mine who has been at university for only a few months. Yes, she is attractive; however when I talked to her, I realized that her views were not as compatible with mine as I had envisaged them to be. Also, there was something about her which scared me : her beauty. Call me strange, but the little experience which I have, dictates that I be careful of young women who are personable. That is basically the crux of my argument - that beauty is potentially dangerous because the more beautiful something is, the more tantalizing it becomes. To me, it’s like that Holy Grail which Indiana Jones has so desperately tried to obtain throughout his many adventures; I believe it is this quality which makes beauty baneful, for there is not only the element of danger but, once again, the element of elusiveness. From objects to human beings, I think this problem is widespread : things and people can be beautiful and/or attractive - both aesthetically and spiritually but also, they can be downright fearful.

In conclusion, I do not think there is anything wrong with beauty. However, I believe it is when things and people exude beauty - both mental and spiritual - that gets me on my guard. I feel threatened by the very fact that if I step in their domain, I may be attracted to and, therefore, trapped not only by the physical beauty, but also by the mental beauty which almost, always, seems to be quivering on the horizon of their personality. If the truth be known, I wish I were much more audacious in my day-to-day dealings with members of the opposite sex. However, it is not really a serious concern of mine; after all, I am neither a Casanova nor a Don Juan; therefore, that quixotic ideal of capturing every beautiful woman I meet is inconsistent with my personal philosophy of social interaction. To be a Don Juan, I feel, would surely be hell-on-earth personified. Perhaps, I am not that bad after all. Maybe, eschewing the beautiful things is a journey which I need to embark upon - for now - to guide me on the right path of my own beauty - the beauty within myself.

 Max Sunrise 1998

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