Welcome to my page. My name's Matt. This is my webpage. If
you're confused by the pages title, it refers to McBain from the
Simpsons. He's a big macho action hero. Just thought I would
clear that up. Anyway, I just added two more links to my list
of links so maybe you should check them out. I know Tito and Heff
would appreciate it. Also, SIGN my guestbook. I also added a new
page full of Deep Thoughts and other cool quotes. Visit!
Click here to go to the funny quotes page
Random Stuff:Need to know today's news? Your horoscope? How 'bout a funny joke. Click here.
How many people do you think have visited my page? If you guessed
I didn't write all of these 50 things, that's why they're not all supremely hilarious. Matt Clancy, Keith Turner and some other
people that I can't think of wrote some of these. (I know there aren't really 50 things on this list, but do we really have 50
states? My point exactly.)
1. When no one is looking, take down your pants and crap all over the table. When a waitress walks by say, "Excuse me,
there's poop all over my table. Would you clean it up?
2. Deleted for taste
3. Ask for water that is exactly 38.9 degrees. That's the way you like it.
4. Pour red food coloring in your water and put vampire teeth in your mouth. When a waiter comes, take a drink, smile, and in
a low voice, ask him/her to take of their shirt.
5. Have a wallet full of chicken pictures. Come to the restaurant and order chicken. Sob while looking at the pictures saying,
"Clucky was my best friend."
6. Order your food, take a bite, then pretend to fall over in convulsions. Get back up, smile, then do it again and again.
7. Order your food, take a bite, and fall down pretending to be unconscious. When no one's looking, run out of the restaurant.
A week later, order the same thing. Repeat this process 5 times.
8. Hold your breath until you pass out. When you come to, do it again.
9. When your waiter or waitress leaves, take all your clothes off, when they come back, insist that it's to cold and they turn up
the heat.
10. While your waiter/waitress is taking your order, whip "it" out and piss on their shoes.
11. Ask your waiter if you can see a cock fight in front of your table.
12. When you get your drink, spill it all over yourself and then ask your waiter for another. When you get it, do the same thing.
Repeat forever.
13. Ask your waiter if they have "Happy Meals." When they say no, order a Happy Meal.
14. Order and eat your entire meal under the table.
15. If in a restaurant with very few people, after you get served, move to a new table. Stare at the food at your old, empty
table.
16. Turn around to another family and ask them "How much for the little girl?"
17. Go to a family restaurant. Take porn with you. Cut out pictures and tape them to the inside of the menu. Strategically place
them.
18. When the waiter asks for your order, say, "No thanks, I'm not hungry."
19. Go to a fancy restaurant and order Extra Value Meal #4. When they tell you they don't serve Extra Value Meals, order #5.
20. Ask what the special of the day is. When they tell you, shout "Oh, god! That's disgusting. How can you serve something as
grotesque and sickening as (fill in the blank). I'll have your leg of small child."
21. Go to a restaurant that doesn't get much business. Walk in with about 40 other people and go, "We're starving!" Wait a bit,
then go, "Can you point us to the next restaurant?"
22. Order potatoes. When you are asked how they are, calmly say with a British accent, "These breasts are delicious. I mean
potatoes, not breasts, Potatoes. Not breasts."
23. Ask the waiter for a piece of gum.
24. Order a ham platter. When you get it, dump all the food off and bite the platter. Say "This doesn't taste like ham."
25. Write "Credit Card" on a piece of paper. Pay for the meal with it.
26. If it's a resturant that plays soft background music then get up on your table and do a funky dance.
27. Bring a football. Play catch with the other tables.
28. When you get your food chuck it at other people in the resturant while laughing uproarisly. When out of food thank the
waiter and leave.
29. Insist that you will need at least six tables to build an adequete "fort."
30. As soon as someone in the restuarant laughs jump out of your seat and run over to them trying to knock over as many
tables as possible. As soon as you reach them begin pummeling him/her screaming "HOMEY MCBEAL WILL PAY THE
PIPER!!!"
31. As soon as someone in the restuarant laughs jump out of your seat and run over to them trying to knock over as many
tables as possible. As soon as you reach them begin the heimlech manuever on them.
32. Challenge the waiter to game of hungarian wrestling.
33. When your waiter asks for your order laugh and go "Whoa, slow down there, spacecowboy!"
Visit the developing McBain Archive of McBain info. Under heavy construction but you won't even notice.Images courtesy of McBain Forever.
12 Fabulous links!
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Mike's Page This is my brother mike's page. Oliver's page: Includes the top 50 things to do in a restuarant (Something we both wrote) The Official Foxtrot Page: I love foxtrot! It's hilarious! (Sometimes) The Darwin Award This award goes out to the person who kills himself in the most spectacularly stupid way. I Like Food.Com: This page took a lot of work. The Flaming poptart page: Everyone knows that if a kellogs poptart is put in a toaster and held in it starts shooting flames. This page features pictures of this phenomenon. The Exploding whale page: This page is all about the exploding whale incident in Oregon The Twinkie Project:Have you ever wondered what happens to a twinkie when set on fire, microwaved, dropped from high buildings and other stuff? The answers are here. Find the Spam:This is a challenging game developed by highly intelligent people. Try it. McBain Forever:Probably the best McBain source out there. PhatsoHeff's Page:This is a new link, but an old favorite The page of...Kieth Turner!:This is another new link. I don't know if it really qualifies as an old favorite though. |
My E-Mail is mcbainiv@hotmail.comWrite me with suggestions.