This is a loosely based version of Shakespear's classic play "Romeo and Juliet". There is only one scene to this play. It seems that this is an actual rough draft of the classic play. There is reason to believe that the Newcaster survived into the final draft, but was cut in the books for some odd reason. People are currently looking into it.
Romeo: Oh Juliet, Juliet, wherefore are thou Juliet?
Juliet: Down here in these stupid thorn bushes!
Director: [Director comes on to set] Wait, you have got it all wrong! Didn't you pay attention to rehersal? Its Juliet on the balcony! Not Romeo! [muttering] God, why can't we get some real actors??
Romeo: Are you sure? Let me see the script! [Is handed script by stage hand]. Oh God help us! He's right for once! Ok, guess we gotta change!
Director: [muttering to self] He's right for once. Stupid! How low budget can you get? [Walks off set] Ready? [Actors nod yes]. Action!
Juliet: Oh Romeo, Romeo, wherefore are thou Ro--
Director: Skip that part!
Juliet: Man, I liked that part too!
Director: Lines! Lines!
Juliet: Oh, yeah the lines. Oh Romeo, come save me from that dreaded dude from Translavania!
Romeo: What dreaded dude from Translavania?
Juliet: Hmm, what was his name? [Thinking hard] I've got it! Dracula!
Romeo: Oh, that dreaded dude from Translavania! Yeah, hes some one to dread alright!
[Romeo climbes ip onto balcony, reaches for Juliet's hand. Graspes Juliet's hand. Noth fall down. Juliet breaks right leg]]
Juliet: AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHH! My leg, my leg! You stupid oaf!
Romeo: Hey now, I won't take that kind of abuse! I may be stupid, but I'm no oaf!
[Frank, Elizabeth, and Jeremy enter]
Frank: Watcha' doin'?
Romeo: Trying to escape from the dreaded dude from Count Dracula. Sorry can't remember his name. Translavania or something!
Jeremy: You need that fairy tail ending "And they lived happily ever after."
Romeo: Yeah, would help.
Juliet: Yeah, no kidding. Then I wouldn't have this stupid broken leg! [She bobs Romeo on the head].
Elizebeth: I likes fairy tails! Read Grims's latest work?
Newscaster: Hello there. Back from our dreaded commerical breaks. Don'cha hate those? Now we move onto the weather. Light drizzels expected till the morrow. In Sports today Deion Snaders brok another world record in --
Jeremy: Hey, but out igit! Yr not in Romeo and Juliet!
Newscaster: Want to make a bet! [Shows Jeremy script]
Jeremy: Well, I'll be da ....
Juliet: Get me a doctor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Newscaster: My, your lucky! I am a man of mayn talents! I am also a doctor!
Juliet: Why are you a newscaster?
Newscaster/Doctor: Well, my liesence got taken away. But wasn't my fault. Stupid nurse! Go me drunk! [Begins to operate]
Juliet: AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGHHH! Wrong leg, stupid! I'm going to sue you for malpractice!
Newcaster: Oops, my mistake. [Juliet bobs him on head with a stick].
Jeremy: Why didn't I think of it before! I got a ship! Lets got to Mercury or Mars.
Elizebeth: Lets go to Venus!
Jeremy: Nope, can't go there. Stole the ship from a spice captain there. Margo was his name.
Frank: Well, take us to this blasted ship!
[Jeremy leads the way to the spaceship. Romeo and the Newscaster drags Juliet over to the spaceship and loads her up (none to gently of course!) When they are all in, they blast off.]
[Director comes and tells the rest of the story].
Director: After they blast off into space, they put into the Martian Space Port Gwalemaka. The Martians run them off because they are too troublesome. It appears that Cap'n Jeremy had a bad rep there too. Jeremy took sick after being three weeks in space after they left. Frank too the controls. He made for what he mistakenly thought was Pluto (or Uranus, can't remember which. Neither can Fank for that matter. Scotch does that to him, it seems.) Somehow or other they put into Venus. Jeremy was put in prision. He served 300 earth years. Something in the atmosphere makes you live longer there. Romeo and Juliet got married and had a bunch of kids. Frank and Elizebeth started a hair beezer shop. (A Beauty shop where they send electric currents through the Venetion's hair to make it writhe about in the air. Is has very much the effect of Medusa. If the humans did it it would kill us. There are two possible explanations about this. Either the women are vain and want to look really good, or the men want the women to look good, or both!) Brad Tadshaw the newcaster became a monk in the Ice Hills of Daphon. They all lived happily ever after.
Faerie: Wait a minute! Thats an insult to us faeries! There's not a single fairy in that whole script, and faerie tales don't end in space! End on ground, and --
Director: What do you rank as? An Elf? Or prehaps a Gnome?
Faerie: I demand you write me in a part!
Director: Tale the stupid script up with the author, and no thats not me! Good night everyone! Hope you enjoyed the play!
Faerie: Hey now! What about me?? You promised me! What about my star preformance?
Director: I didn't promise you anything! You ain't even in the play! As I said, Good night everybody!
Faerie: But - but - but -.
Director: But nothin'!
[Director drags faerie off angrily for ruining his play]
Copyright 1997 M. A. Clark