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The year 2000 is just nine months away. For those of you with unfounded fears that the coming millenium will bring the world to a halt, I have a solution. After all, changing those numbers in your vcrs and clocks takes about fifteen minutes out of your day; and who feels like buying a new calendar? Boring. So why change anything anyhows? If you would like to remain in the 20th century, I can help. Ever hear of a government auction? They sell everything from code-cracking manuals to illegal surveillance equipment. Once in a while, they sell something so drab, so hum-drum and ordinary, that it goes right before your sleepy eyes and you never miss it. But in this case, I was passing gas, which requires mental effort and happened to catch this little pop culture gem. Yes, that's right, for $25 I picked up one of our nation's atomic clocks. Even got the original owner's manual which explains proper maintainence and tuning. But that $25 bought so much more. You see, that quarter c-note bought an investment in our futures. Because I now have the scientific know-how to make time move as I desire. Now you're asking, "Max, what does this mean for me, the average, un-informed, nuerotic citizen with a paralyzing fear of change?" And the answer is, "A chance to sit back on your lazy, ignorant ass and continue living your life as a money-making tool of the super-rich elite." The Plan: to continue 1999 into infinity. The days, the weeks, the months will cycle around as they always have. But instead of slipping into that 21st century abyss, each new year will reset to 1999. Some might say this is the ultimate way of living life to the edge...the edge of time! If you would like to relive the same year over and over, if you believe that you might finally get your life in order if you just have enough chances, if you believe any of this at all, then for a small fee I can place you in chronological limbo. For only $2000 dollars US, I can send a digital transmission to your house. You'll also need the digital receiver, a one-time cost of only $500. But what it does for you is priceless. It takes that signal from my atomic clock and over-rides all of your mechanical and electronic equipment, basically slapping its gears and circuits silly and hynoptizing them into the false belief that the year is still 1999. (Excuse the technical mumbo-jumbo, but sometimes it's important to spell these things out.) Just remember to send your annual payment of $2000 so that I receive it by the last day of November. I need a few weeks to process the paperwork so you can remain right where you belong: an island lodged in the river of progress. |
SEND CASH ONLY TO: 1999 Plus 1 Helluva Idea Equals $2000 Isle Of Luddite c/o The Tax Free Institute Momo Missouri, 97989-9999 |