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Howdy, folks, I'm Garth Brooks. I'm a world-famous country music star, and now I've developed a website for all my countless fans, who, by the way, I owe some of my success to, because, without you folks buying my stuff, I'd just be another guy with a guitar and a lame country accent. Recently I announced that I want to sell more albums than the Beatles have in all their years to this day. This may have clued some of you to the fact that I'm a greedy bastard, and that's why I've legally changed my name to "Buy Garth Brooks Music & Merchandise." But you can call me "Buy Garth Brooks" for short. To help you help me earn piles of cash that'll make Bill Gates turn green with envy, I've decided to sell all my crap online and at Wal-Marts, gas stations, Hardee's and baseball stadiums ("Hey beer man!" will now commingle with "Buy Garth Brooks!" as a common call). And to ensure that my weekly albums are worthy of your consumer dollars, I have a supercomputer listening to all the radio stations in the world, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. My new tunes will consist only of the most often-played musical notes compiled from those songs on those stations. I may have to change my name again, to Mr. Top Forty! But seriously folks, being a country star is about more than being an egotistical maniac who can't find a large enough cowboy hat to cover his inflamed noggin, or having swimming pools full of cash. Every year, around tax time, I like to ship a few boxcars of the green stuff to shelters for homeless former country music stars (You all remember the Dixie Chicks don't ya?) and former County Fair Queens whose beauty has faded like my baloney-thin musical talent. That lets me keep all kinds of tax money that your government would just spend on crap like fixing potholes in highways and earned income credit for poor families. So look around, find some merchandise or cd's you think you like, and then sign over that generous tax return you engineered to: |
| Buy Garth Brooks Music And Merchandise Garth Brooks Warehouse Drive #9 City of Garth Brooks Liverpool, England |