Austin Powers, The Spy Who Shagged Me

Well, Mike Myers has returned with his long-awaited sequel to Austin Powers, International Man Of Mystery. His sixties sidekick is shooting star Heather Graham, the cutie-tootie who spiced up Lost In Space (and boy, did it ever need spicing up) and rocked the house as Rollergirl in Boogie Nights.   Also along for the ride: Kristen Johnston, from 3rd Rock From The Sun, and Rob Lowe-and-behold (who has worked with Myers before).  While Elizabeth Hurley does cameo, she is replaced by the woman most downloaded from the internet, Cindy Margolis (says Yahoo Internet Life magazine).  If Liz and Cindy are not enough, Myers has brought in Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, the famed Sports Illustrated model.  And in the past he has worked with Salma Hayek and Neve Campbell in the film 54. Maybe his new movie should be entitled, The Spy Who Avoided Major Genital Diseases.

Heather Stands Out

For the women, male "actors" include: Jerry Springer, Willy Nelson, Elvis Costello and Burt Bacharach.  I can't wait for Elvis to make Burt jealous when he hugs Willy Nelson; Burt could throw a huge hissy-fit, and then pimp-slap Elvis's Buddy-Holly-like baby-face.  Good thing Rob Lowe's quit banging minors for a hobbie and returned to acting, or Austin Powers could lose its female audience. Nothing I like seeing more than has-beens and wannabe's stooping to sure-thing sequels to revive careers long since cooled on the back burner of the nation's collective pop culture stove.   What confounds me is that currently Myers is enjoying the type of A-List celebrity that somehow fell upon Tom Hanks.   While Hanks starred in Bachelor Party and The 'Burbs and some other lukewarm schlock, he went on to Forrest Gump and (shudder) You've Got Mail.  I'm still trying to figure out the success behind Gump (and that review is still under construction), as well as Big and Sleepless In Seattle.  And by the way, when under the scorching sun and plagues of locusts did Meg Ryan become so popular?  I guess I'm just a feeble-minded, snuggly-underwearin' movie goer who doesn't understand the ways of Hollywood.

"And We'll Be Dancin', Dancin' In The Streets

Mike Myers began with Saturday Night Live, giving us Wayne's World with his equally witless partner, Dana Carvey (who still milks his George Bush impersonation for all it's worth and drums full-time for Twisted Sister in his Church Lady outfit).   This sketch begat two Wayne's World films (the likes of which the MovieHound won't even sniff the hind-end credits of), and then out of nowhere, the spy spoof Austin Powers found that niche crucial to the stratospheric success actors long for.   However, it seems that whenever you bring in the hurley-burley girley-twirlies of beautiful women, take pride in your sex toys, and dance like Beck (I'm A Loser, Baby) Hanson (not one of the brothers) at a high school prom, you're bound to have a few nerdling admirers.  Go figure.   A denuded cat named Mr. Bigglesworth; spontaneous disco interludes (like a Kasey Kasem show on acid); spoofing 007 James Bond films; and ramblings-on about childhood...these are the stuff of Austin Powers.  When the lines get too long for Star Wars, The Phantom Menace, and South Park has seen its audience come and go, then Austin Powers will still be around for a good shagging.  If I go, I may have to fake my excitement.