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Since so many people are finding out that the world may come to an end after midnight on December 31st this year, and since so many companies feel that it is important to confess how little they are doing to prevent this disaster, I felt it was important to tell you just exactly what I plan to do in order to keep these virtual pages wrapped snugly in this virtual comic book. First, let me say that the world will not come to an end. Too many rich people have too much money invested to let the computers in America or anywhere else whisk it all away on an electronic whim. Second, online businesses like Tripod, which hands out free, spiffy goodies like this here website homepage thingie, have too many advertisers paying them to keep things running smoothly. Besides, wouldn't it be embarrassing if Tripod turned into a huge virtual pumpkin right at midnight? So, listen up folks, the world ain't gonna end when the new year knocks on the door and walks on in. Sure, a few of your credit cards may try to take advantage of the situation. Your phone and cable companies will try to bill you for all you've got (in other words, business as usual). But mostly, it will just be limited to a general lack of water pressure and electricity. As long as you've got a few guns, a barrel full of ammunition, and a lockbox full of accessible cash, Y2K shouldn't affect your life in any but the most minor ways. So, in honor of the upcoming new year, and to look like a professional website, I've decided to post my own Y2K Disclosure Statement, in order to let you know what I plan to do to keep things up and running, so you can keep laughing. (Or whatever it is you do here.) |
Things I'm Doing To Prepare For The Year 2000 |
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(NOTE: None of the following have anything to do with this website. I fully expect the world wide web to be over-run by the government secret police. Why they would do this is still not clear to me, but I'm expecting answers any day now from several militia groups as to why this would happen.) Discreetly taking all my funds out of the bank on the last Friday of this year. Increasing my gun collection from a mere 231 pieces to a robust 700. Digging several large bunkers in the yard so I have a place to live after angry mobs burn down my house. (That's not to say I'm disliked in my community, just that angry mobs have this innate characteristic of burning down houses and mumbling loudly so as to seem concerned, enthused, and with a sense of purpose. By the way, several bunkers are necessary, because decoys are always a good idea.) Buying the book "Iron John" by Robert Bly. Stocking up on five years worth of Wonderbread. Making sure I have plenty of snuggly underwear to last through the Dark Ages. |
Things I'm NOT Doing To Prepare For The Year 2000 |
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Plucking all my follicles and having my body covered in camouflage tattoos. Partying like it's 1999. Realizing we're all going to die and suddenly loosening up, caring for others, and becoming human. Re-scheduling that lobotomy thing all my friends keep talking about. I don't break appointments. Giving in to the urge for one last wild hoo-ha and letting my hair grow out past the scalp. |