Hello and welcome to my journaling/prayer to God page.

On this page, I'll just write what I'm feeling on my journey through

the desert of testing.  I'm involved in a weight loss program

I have links to my other pages at the bottom of this page.

Tuesday, March 02, 1999 7:00 a.m.

Happy birthday to me!  Thank you God for bringing me to life.

Today I turn 27.  As I refect on how things have been

going so far, I've been blessed.  I've been married for 6

years, have two great children, and I'm comfortable.  Lately Lord,

you know that I've been struggling with feeling "important".

I've been running into old classmates from my high

school graduating class and am feeling a bit inadequate.  One's a

lawyer and another one is a Captain in the Navy.  I guess I realize

that I'm not a kid anymore!  That's scarry to me. I have to admit,

the classmates that I've talked to arn't even married yet let

alone have children, when I tell them that I've been married for

6 years and have two kids, they seem somewhat shocked.  Which

to me is funny because the newness of the marriage and the

children have worn off a long time ago.  Makes ya think.  I just

have to sit back and realize that this is where You want me

to be right now.  I'm very blessed that I only have to work part

time in the evenings and my husband can stay with Zachary

and Rebekah when I work.  I'm so glad that I'm able to stay home

with them during the day and only be away from them 3 evenings

a week. Now, on to the Weigh Down part.  I have not eaten anything

yet and I'm going to wait to eat until I'm only really hungry.

To not focus on eating food when I'm not hungry, I have to keep myself

really, really busy!  I know that this is making me a better housekeeper for

myself and the family and I thank You for that.  Other than food,

I'm also dealing with watching too much t.v.  I know that

that might seem minor Lord, but if I want a close relation-

shop to you, I have to learn to give up all false gods, including those

that I enjoy so much.  Please help me today in my battles Lord,

and keep the devil far from me.

Love, your servant,

Michal

March 03, 1999

I had a good cry last night, I believe every now and then, every-

one needs to release by crying a good, hard cry.  It helped a

great deal.  I recieved the following poem in an email this

morning and it's just what I needed in relation to what

I wrote yesterday concerning feeling adequate.

The Girl I Used To Be

She came tonight as I sat alone..

The girl I used to be....

 And she gazed at me with her earnest eye

And questioned reproachfully:

Have you forgotten the many plans

And hopes I had for you?

The great career,the splendid fame,

all the wonderful things to do?

Where is the mansion of stately height

With all its gardens rare?

The silken robes that I dreamed for you

And the jewels in your hair?

And as she spoke, I was very sad

For I wanted her pleased with me...

This slender girl from the shadowy past

The girl that I used to be.

So gently rising, I took her hand

And guided her up the stairs

Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay

Innocent, sweet, and fair.

 And I told her that these are my only gems,

 And precious they are to me;

That silken robes is my motherhood

 Of costly simplicity.

And my mansion of stately height is love,

And the only career I know

Is serving each day in these sheltered walls

For the dear ones who come and go

And as I spoke to my shadowy guest,

She smiled through her tears at me.

And I saw the woman that I am now

Pleased the girl I used to be.

Author unknown

How cool is that?  The Lord knew I was struggling and He

answered me in His own wonderful way.  I did not do to well

last night.  Munched alot.  Other than not running to God,

I made the excuse that it's that time of the month.  It is, but

I need to learn that I have no more excuses for not tuning

to God when I'm tempted.  I'm also becoming more picky.

If the food does not taste like I thought it would, I don't it and

praise God.  A lot of times, that's how He tells me that

I don't need that right now and I'm not truly hungry.

Zachary has a big day at preschool, so I'll write back

possibly later today.

Thursday, April 15, 1999

Since I made that covenant with God, I've felt restless, but at peace at the same time.

I slept better than I have in a while last night and for once I'm not that tired. I still

Am getting headaches and stuffiness. I'm going to call the doctor and see when I can

See him again.

Exodus 4:2-3

Then the Lord said to him, "What is in your hand?….Throw it on the ground."

At this point in the journey, I've gone back to Egypt and am leaving it again for

the final time today. I'm giving up my false god of food that gives me comfort. I'm

frustrated because I've given up control of what I put in my mouth. I'm scared

of being thin because I have not been thin in 6 years. I've left the security and comfort of

Egypt for the hot, dry sand of testing.