Demos Proclaims the Badgers No. 1!
The Beatings Continue….
On October 1, 1999, Demos Ioannou pulled one of the biggest bonehead moves ever known to man. This document is intended to chronicle the events leading up to his royal embarrassment so that others may learn from his mistakes and NEVER BET AGAINST THE WISCONSIN BADGERS AGAIN.
Talk is Cheap:
Ever since the day Demos arrived at the Oscar Mayer – Madison campus, he has been talking smack on how great the Ohio State football program is.
These are just a sampling of the crap he has been spewing around the office over the past year & a half. It was getting so bad that he actually believed what he was saying.
"Just wait until October 2nd. We’ll see who’s the best team in the Big-10." Demos would say when Madison natives reminded him who the defending Rose Bowl Champions were. When tickets became available for the OSU-Wisconsin game in Columbus, Demos decided to score 8 tickets in the Wisconsin section so that he & seven of his OSU buddies could witness the Badgers getting their just desserts.
He would forget his head if it wasn’t screwed on.
The smack was getting deeper than dairy cow manure in March as the big day approached. Demos was flying out of Madison on Friday night and was to meet up with his buddies in Columbus. An all weekend bash was planned to toast the ass-whipping that OSU was to put on the hapless Badgers. The future was looking very bright indeed…except, there were storm clouds brewing.
"This is the final boarding call for flight 2543 to Chicago with connecting service to Columbus Ohio." said the pretty gate attendant. "I’m set to go", thought Demos as he prepared to board the plane. "Got my lucky OSU thong underwear on. Going to meet my best friends. Got my plane tickets, Got my game ticke…OH SHIT!." The game tickets were no where to be found. Thinking quickly, he realized that he had left them at home. STUPID… STUPID… STUPID… STUPID…
"My friends are going to kill me he thought. What should I do? Can I make it back home in time? NO. Is there another flight out tonight? NO. Could I get 8 scalped tickets at the game? For $125 each maybe. "Shit! – I’m dead." But just then the logistical genius that was developed by the outstanding faculty at OSU came to the forefront. "I’ll call someone & have them get the tickets from my house & FexEx them to us." Sounded like the perfect recovery plan.
"But who can I call?" he thought. "Someone I can trust. Someone who knows where my house is. Someone at home." Time was running short. "God I hate to do this, but I have to call Mark – the RABID BADGER FAN. He’s going to have a field day with this." But the thought of seeing OSU kick the snot out of the Badgers made this fear go away. He made the call.
Mark: "Hello"
Demos: "Dude – You gotta’ help me! I’m at the airport & forgot my tickets!
Mark: "Dumb shit! – Serves you right for all that nonsense you’ve been spewing for the past year."
Demos: "Please – I’ll never say anything bad against Wisconsin again".
Mark: "All right, But you’ll owe me"
Demos: "Great – Go to my house, break in and get my tickets – they’re in the hutch in the dining room. FedEx them to my buddy Spencer in Columbus. I don’t know his address, but I’ll give you his phone number."
(Demos gave the phone number which turned out to be the wrong number! Bone head move #2. Luckily, Mark had the common sense to call information & get the right phone number & address)
Mark: "How should I get in the house?"
Demos: "Whatever you have to do is fine, break the window, knock down the door, take an axe to the wall, I don’t care. I NEED THOSE TICKETS. You better hurry because FedEx will be closing in an hour".
Badger Fan to the Rescue!
Sensing that he had a desperate person on the phone and knowing that he could probably use this story to embarrass the hell out of him, Mark agreed to help out. He gathered up all his best "house breaking" tools & headed to Demos’s house. In less than a minute he was in. Quickly moving to the hutch, he began looking for the tickets – to no avail. He thought to call Spencer in Columbus to see if he might know where to look. The call went something like this:
Mark: "Spencer – This is Mark – Demos forgot the game tickets."
Spencer: "That stupid Shit! He is supposed to be a logistical genius, & he forgets to bring the tickets? I’m going to beat that stupid ass silly when I see him. ………………….."
(10 minutes worth of tirade later)
Spencer: "I’m sure he gives you permission to tear the house apart looking for the tickets."
After ransacking the house, Mark finds the tickets. (They were right where Demos said they would be) He heads to FedEx knowing that they are going to close within 15 minutes. He just makes it with no time to spare. Mark thinks to himself "Boy – I hope this is an omen that bodes well for Wisconsin tomorrow."
As Mark arrives home, the phone is ringing. It’s Demos calling from the Chicago Airport.
Mark: "Hello"
Demos: "Did you get the tickets to FedEx?"
Mark: "Yes, but like I said, You’ll owe me"
Demos: "Dude – You’re the best!
(Bonehead move #3)
Mark: (Sensing that he had Demos by the balls) "I’ll think of something."
Demos: "I sure hope this isn’t an omen that Wisconsin is going to win tomorrow."
Mark: "We’ll see. Enjoy the game tomorrow"
Demos: "I will! Go Buckeyes!"
Mark: "Yeah – Straight to hell."
Game Highlights:
OSU Touchdown
OSU Field Goal
OSU Touchdown
(Demos feels great – he thinks to himself "Forgetting the tickets wasn’t an omen. That Badger loving asshole can’t touch me now!")
Wisconsin Field Goal
Wisconsin Field Goal
Half Time score: OSU – 17 Wisconsin – 6
(Demos thinks "No problem we get the ball to start the second half.")
OSU fumbles the second half kickoff
(Was it an omen or not?)
Wisconsin Touchdown
Wisconsin Touchdown
Wisconsin Field Goal
Wisconsin Touchdown
Wisconsin Touchdown
Wisconsin Touchdown
Final Score: OSU – 17 Wisconsin – 42
There was an ass-whooping, just happened to be the Badgers beating the snot out of the hapless Buckeyes.
As Demos is leaving the game. His buddy Spencer says "This is the worst day of my life". Demos replies, "Dude – At least you can forget about this tomorrow, When I get back to work, I’ll have to hear about this for the rest of the week." Little does Demos know that he severely underestimated the amount of time he is going to have to hear about it. He has also forgotten those words that will haunt him forever –
"Anything you want – it’s yours! Anything at all! You name it".
Demos Proclaims the Badgers No. 1!
Demos stands next to the wall of shame - regrets abound for saying "ANYTHING!"
Demos - Badgers No. 1 Fan!? Nope - just takin' his lumps.
Epilog:
As you can see, Demos is taking his beating just like his beloved OSU football team. They have felt the heavy strain of Cardinal & White beating on their heads until they finally cried out "WE GIVE UP!"
All is well in BadgerLand - The Wisconsin football team & fans are making their travel arrangements for the Rose Bowl. Ron Dayne is headed to the Downtown Athletic Club to pick up the Heisman Trophy. The OSU smack that once smelled as bad on the putrid "rust belt" air of Ohio has subsided – At least until next year’s game. But wait…That game will be in Camp Randall. I wonder if that’s an omen too?