ADD: Another Damned Distraction
As an adult with ADD, I have difficulty deciding just what to say about it. Being such a complex affliction, there are hundreds of possible avenues. The basic problem all ADDers have is a mind that doesn’t know when to quit. Each moment, each thought, each and every stimulus presents numerous others, which can lead us down obscure paths. Contrary to most, I know a great deal about the disorder in adults, though very little about it in children. Everything here is directed toward those who never “grew out of it.” It is a challenge here to sort through it all and write a piece that will result in a better understanding, without writing an entire book. Sifting within our minds to reveal the essence of a situation, and to act accordingly, is a basic process used by all humans to make decisions. For people with ADD it never becomes second nature. But what is live without challenges?
First of all, it’s important to note that the symptoms of ADD are things all people experience at one time or another. The difference is that with ADD, these problems are chronic and severe. Secondly, a person’s environment and genetic makeup determine how they are affected. The examples I use here are common, however they will not apply to all, and may even be opposite what many experience as adults with ADD.
There is a sense of urgency in the heart and head of an ADDer. Being constantly distracted by everything, we know that if we don’t act on this now, it may never get done! “If I stop to put this away, I’ll forget what I was trying to do.” “If I stop to answer you now, I’ll lose my train of thought.” “If I don’t interject with my question or idea, I will forget about it before it’s my turn to talk!” It is hard for us to determine when something is important. There is no hierarchy. To ADDers, everything is important. It is so difficult to focus on anything, that once we do, even the slightest interruption or hesitation could result in a total loss. This sense of urgency also pervades our social lives. We may alienate people by rushing them, unable to wait through all the normal steps in building a relationship. It makes people uncomfortable being treated as a “best friend” by a mere acquaintance, and then we are confused as to why they back off. The cycle of rushing things, being misunderstood, feeling resentment, and disassociating adds to a sense of desperation. This desperation and lack of control in our lives can result in a pattern of highly destructive behavior. We become desperate to find some understanding and validation. These restless people are chronically discontent, always “searching” for something (consciously or subconsciously), but they don’t know what.
Having a high level of intelligence often makes the situation worse, adding to the feeling of detachment. It’s like having the world at your fingertips, though you have no arms. You’ll find that many ADDers with high IQs do not reflect it. In fact they may appear just the opposite, being labeled as spacy, rude, self centered or slow, when in fact they are none of these. Their handicaps prevent them from utilizing (or being recognized for) a vast store of talent and knowledge. At the same time, many ADDers are embarrassed by how much they don’t know. Attention Deficit Disorder is a misnomer. It is not attention “deficit” that we suffer from, it is attention “inconsistency.” Hyper-focusing is the ability to focus so intently on something that we are oblivious to everything else, i.e. our spouse or children trying to get our attention. We do have this intense focusing ability, though not at will. Because an ADDer was able to complete a task brilliantly in the past does not mean that he could repeat it “if he wanted to.” The hyper mind does not have the patience to focus on uninteresting or tedious presentations. As a result, he may not have any knowledge of the “Great American Classics,” though he has no trouble retaining every detail of the last Indy 500, or any other thing that captures his attention. It is not a matter of discipline. ADDers are at the mercy of their disorder. Being repeatedly chastised for not paying attention, being lazy, uncaring, ignoring people, forgetting things, etc., when we honestly did not mean any harm, can take a heavy toll on self image by the time we reach adulthood. It also does not help that many people regard ADD as a modern excuse for not taking responsibility for one’s self.
Now for the good news. Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo, two women who have ADD, explain in their book You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?!, how the same things that cause us problems can work to our advantage. While a “normal” mind stores information in a filing system, the ADD mind often resembles its messy surroundings. Normally, when confronted with a situation, the mind will retrieve the appropriate file from memory, and apply any pertinent information stored regarding the subject. The system is altogether different in the ADD mind. Files are loose, disorganized or nonexistent. This allows us to wander through, pulling information from diverse experiences others may not regard as relevant, picking and choosing which to apply. The result is a high degree of creativity, and unusual problem solving skills. For the same reason, many ADDers are also a great deal of fun, possessing a clever wit and engaging sense of humor. Perhaps you know someone who, though exasperating and irresponsible, can be so endearing it is hard to stay mad at them? Being impulsive, creative, and in many ways childlike, can be alluring to those craving excitement. It can also be annoying when the situation calls for sobriety. The advantages of ADD are often wielded as “coping mechanisms” to compensate for disabilities; obstacles which they have been trying to work around every day for their entire lives.
I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder at 28. Since my diagnosis just over a year ago, I have read everything I could find on ADD. It’s been fascinating. So many of the mysteries of my life, and the people around me have been explained, and every day it seems there is a new revelation. I now understand why sometimes I can create the most beautiful and imaginative things, conquer tough or intimidating challenges, and see so much more than the rest, but then fail miserably, produce some pretty sorry work, try way too hard and misread people and things. I also understand now that I have a handicap. I shouldn’t expect people to put up with annoying or rude behavior just because “I can’t help it,” but their education about ADD, I think would be more liberating than my own.
It is possible to “recover” from ADD’s negative effects, but there is no cure. Recovery consists of recognizing and understanding the things you do, forgiving yourself, and accepting yourself (and/or the ADDers you love. It does appear to be strongly genetic.) There are also medications which may have a startling effect on you, or may not help at all. It is a trial and error process that can be well worth the effort. Once that’s done, you define the things you can not do, and can not change, and discover alternative ways of doing them or getting them done. Often the solution is to get someone else to do them for you (like housework!) It is not “shirking your responsibilities,” or a reflection of your being “weak.” It is being smart enough to recognize and accept your inabilities, and making sure things are taken care of so you can focus on your strengths! It’s a package deal. As an ADDer, you may posses unusual insight and perception, intense passion (good or bad!), artistic gifts, exuberance, and unique and inspirational innovation. We all know you should not judge a book by it’s cover, but very few recognize when they are doing it to themselves.
If you would like more information on Attention Deficit Disorder, I suggest reading You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?! by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo. Also Women with Attention Deficit Disorder by Sari Solden (especially good for the non-hyperactive), and Driven to Distraction by Edward Hollowell. Also, you might look into “http://www.chadd.org/” CHADD is a nationwide ADD support group. (954)587-3700.
One last note. Many, many adults with ADD have compensated and coped quite well. Regardless of past problems, it is up to each individual to determine whether ADD is causing a problem at this point. Do however, take into consideration the opinions and feelings of family and friends. It may not be a problem for you, though if your family has a tough time dealing with your ADD, set aside stubbornness and consider treatment. Pessimism is usually the biggest obstacle, showing itself in stubbornness and fierce doubt. Money is usually the second. Books about ADD are available for free at the public library. Just learning about the disorder, if nothing else, would be vastly rewarding. Human behavior and interaction is something everyone should study. After learning what your're dealing with, base your next moves on the fact that, regardless of how something operates, if it’s not broken, you shouldn’t try to fix it. If it is “broken” however, simply remember that once you have answers, you lose all excuses.