My plan was to set you free, but it didn't work out that way. Instead more doubt entered an already confused mind. Seems like a lifetime ago, but July 14, 1966 a year when my little world fell apart.

I remember how horribly hot and humid that summer was. And how I kept running to our bedroom to cool off. In there was a little room air conditioner. When I couldn't take the heat any longer I ran in there so I could breath again and cool off. I couldn't wait to get to the hospital, because I knew it would be cool there they have AC. The laugh was on me because when I got there it wasn't working. What I'm trying to do is to talk right to you Steven. And I believe that you will hear me, because what I need and have to say is coming right from my heart.

Not a day goes by that I'm not thinking of and about you. What might have been, who you would have taken after in your looks and what you would be doing? I never had the chance to touch you, to hold you and most importantly to me, to put my finger in your little hand and feel your warm little hand in mine. The day I decided to go see you I could look at you for a brief moment, thank God I did that. If I hadn't done that on my own I would never have seen you at all. I wanted to go in and pick you up and hold you and never let go. My little daydream came to a sudden end when I was escorted back to my room. I figured they knew what they were doing so I didn't question them at the time.

That was the only time I saw you. But in the few seconds that I did see you, the memory of your beautiful face, has stuck with me for all these years. I miss you so very much. And its why I'm doing this.

You see I have been having a real hard time letting go. It has been 32 years and I still can't. I want to believe you are out there somewhere and one day you will find me and knock on my door. I can't tell you how many times I have had those dreams. People have told me I'm crazy. It's dumb thinking, I should let it go. Well that's all well and good, but how has always been a problem for me. People tell you what you should do but they don't tell you how. I've held you in my heart and soul for a very long time and you will always be a part of my life. I know I have to let go and I'm trying, I just don't know how. If only you can help; I really don't know how to let you go. I know you have not had rest because of me and I'm sorry for that. Why do I insist on keeping you alive? If only in my heart and mind, why can't I let you rest in peace? Why can't I say good-bye? Last night had to be the roughest night in a long while. I had finally decided to set you free and it didn't work like I wanted it too. I felt as though you were here with me last night. I felt as though you just passed through me. It was only a feeling and nothing more so I really couldn't tell.

So if it wasn't you then I'm again back too believing that maybe I've been right all these years and that you didn't die. Perhaps that you were taken from me. Just a few more things I insist on letting get to me. When I see a young man on the street, I think and I wonder things like age. Could he be my son, could he have been given the same name? And did they spell it the same way? The priest telling me that it was Gods way of punishing me for not marrying another catholic. The person that gave me a hard time because she said I spelled your name wrong. Hey! That's the way I wanted it spelled. And the biggest thing was not defying that nurse that chased me back to my room. I should have gone back and picked you up and held you in my arms at least for as long as I could have gotten away with it. Then maybe I wouldn't be wondering if you really did pass or if you were still here somewhere in this world of ours! "I Will Always Love You" In loving Memory of My Steven 'Til We Meet.