8-21-99
P.C.W. & H.W.A.
Friday Night
8-21-99
(The camera opens up overlooking the crowd. The pyrotechnics ignite, and loud music fills the arena. The audience cheers as the camera zooms in towards the announcing booth.)
Jack: Welcome fans to another edition of P.C.W. Friday Night Blood Bath!
Jim: Hey, wait a minute! It’s the P.C.W. and the H.W.A.!
Jack: The H.W.A.? The Hell?
Bud: Yeah, the Hawaiian Wrestling Alliance. If you would have showed up at the board meetings, you would have known about this.
Jack: Hawaii? Damn, so that explains the free trip. I knew there was a catch.
Jim: I went to the meetings. They were interesting.
Bud: Good for you Jim. Folks, as we try to inform Jack of what all happened, we go to the ring now with the lovely Blood Bath Babes.
(The Blood Bath Babes come out from the locker room area and do a dance routine. The crowd cheers as they finish their routine, and then leave.)
Jack: Well, it’s good to see that some things haven’t changed.
Jim: Like what?
Bud: Unfortunately, Jim’s still here.
Jack: Damn, they could have at least changed that part.
Jim: Change what?
Bud: Don’t worry about it, Jim. It’s a little bit complicated for you to understand.
Jim: OK, if you say so.
Jack: Whatever, Fans, we now go to the ring for our opening bout.
Random vs. Lim Po Po
Harlie Davidson: This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, making his first ever wrestling debut, weighing in at 185 lb., a member of the Union, Random! (Crowd cheers!)
("Final Doom" plays as Random enters the ring.)
Harlie: And his opponent, weighing in at 225, from the Lim Po Po Valley, a member of Jobbers R' Us, Lim Po Po! (Crowd boos!)
("Primal Scream" by Motley Crue plays as Lim Po Po enters the ring. Random checks out the ring. Lim Po Po grabs Random's arm and strikes his elbow. (Ding, ding, ding) Random delivers a short-arm clothesline to Lim Po Po. Random kicks Lim Po Po on the mat. Lim Po Po moves back to his feet. Lim Po Po executes a reverse DDT on Random.)
Jim Been: What a Reverse DDT!
Bud: Somebody’s been studying this summer.
Jack: You mean that Jim finally learned how to read?
Bud: Amazing, isn’t it?
(Random moves back to his feet.)
Jim Been: These guys are almost as good as me. Wouldn't you agree?
Jack Danheils: No way man.
Bud: Sorry, Jim. But I’m not at liberty to answer that question.
(Lim Po Po drives a forearm into the head of Random. Lim Po Po runs and tackles Random. Lim Po Po punches him in the head. Random is back on his feet. Random delivers a kick to the head of Lim Po Po. Lim Po Po stands up. Lim Po Po tackles Random to the mat. Lim Po Po climbs to his feet. Lim Po Po kicks Random on the mat. Random moves back to his feet. Random reverse DDT's Lim Po Po's head into the mat.)
Jim: Did you see that last move?
Jack: No, did you see where my beer went?
Bud: You drank it all.
Jack: Damn it, now I have to get some more.
Bud: Don’t bother getting up. Hell, why do you think that the office hired these interns for?
Jim: Wasn’t Monica Lewenski an intern?
Jack: Wasn’t Jim Been an idiot?
Bud: OK, I think Jim’s confused now.
Jack: Oh well. Random goes on the offensive now.
(Random looks at Lim Po Po and spits in his face. Lim Po Po gets back to his feet. Lim Po Po connects with a flying knee. Random goes down. Lim Po Po knees Random and rolls back to his feet. Random uses a closed fist on Lim Po Po. Random tackles Lim Po Po to the mat. Random stands up. Lim Po Po vertical suplexes Random to the mat. Lim Po Po is back on his feet. Lim Po Po grabs his hand and flips him to the mat. Lim Po Po leg drops the throat of Random. Lim Po Po grabs Random and applies an arm wrench. "Lim Po Po Sucks" chants start in the crowd. Lim Po Po chokes Random with his boot. Lim Po Po puts Random in a reverse chin lock. Referee Earl Hebner is checking for a tap out. ... Random is fighting the hold. ... Random is fighting the hold. ... Random tries to escape. ... Lim Po Po tightens the hold. ... ... ... Random is fighting the hold. ... Lim Po Po tightens the hold. ... Lim Po Po tightens the hold. ... Random taps out.)
Harlie Davidson: The winner of this match, Lim Po Po!
Jim: What an impressive victory for Lim Po Po!
Jack: Shut the hell up!
Intern: Your beer, Mr. Dahniels.
Jack: Thanks, keep them coming.
Bud: Fans, we have to take a commercial break. Please stay tuned for some more Blood Bath Action.
(Commercials: "Hungry? Why wait? Snickers." "The 13th Warrior, starring Antonio Bandaras." "Pepsi. The Joy of Cola." "Hardee’s. Where the food’s the Star.")
(The camera returns with the Blood Bath Babes doing a dance routine. The crowd cheers. The camera then zooms into the announcing booth as the girls leave.)
Bud: Welcome back fans, we are live from San Diego, CA.
Jack: Fans, we have some news for this next match. Apparently, our former jobbers, Beavis and Butt-Head, have gone to college. Therefore, the P.C.W.,
Jim: ..and the H.W.A.
Jack: And the H.W.A., have hired some replacements.
Bud: (Laughs) Jack. Check out the replacement’s names! (Hands Jack the match schedule.)
Jack: (Laughs) The Hell? The name of Beavis’s replacement is "Dick Lick"?
Jim: Hey, that might be my cousin Richie!
Bud: You’re kidding, right?
Jack: Well, it’s Jim’s gene pool, so anything can happen.
Jim: Richard Lick? Yeah, he’s my third cousin on my mom’s side of the family.
Bud: OK? Let’s just go to the ring.
Dick Lick vs. Youth Warrior
Harlie Davidson: This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 215 from San Diego, Youth Warrior! (Crowd cheers!)
Jim: A warm hometown welcome for the Youth Warrior, formerly known as Rey Misterio, Jr.
(Youth Warrior comes to the ring.)
Harlie: And his opponent, weighing in at 160, a member of Jobbers R' Us, Dick Lick! (Crowd cheers!)
(Dick Lick enters the ring. Youth Warrior checks his boots. Dick Lick grabs Youth Warrior's arm and strikes his elbow. (Ring, ring, ring) Youth Warrior tackles and begins punching Dick Lick. Youth Warrior rolls onto Dick Lick connecting with a knee. Youth Warrior measures Dick Lick up and drops a closed fist. Dick Lick executes a neck-breaker on Youth Warrior. Dick Lick goes for a Falling head butt but Youth Warrior dodges the attack. Youth Warrior moves back to his feet. Youth Warrior tries for a Gut-Wrench Power Bomb but Dick Lick avoids it. Youth Warrior applies a Boston crab to Dick Lick. Earl Hebner is checking for a tap out. ... Youth Warrior tightens the hold. ... Dick Lick is fighting the hold. ... ... Dick Lick is fighting the hold. Youth Warrior breaks the hold.)
Jim: That’s right, Richie! Show him who’s the boss!
Jack: Sure as hell isn't you.
Jim: What?
(Youth Warrior sends Dick Lick to ringside. Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) (.2) Youth Warrior tackles Dick Lick. Youth Warrior moves back to his feet. Dick Lick gets back to his feet. (...3) Youth Warrior takes a slap to the face from Dick Lick. Dick Lick gets up. (.... 4) Dick Lick drives a forearm into the head of Youth Warrior. (...5) Dick Lick takes Youth Warrior into the ring. Dick Lick delivers a kick to the head of Youth Warrior. Youth Warrior climbs to his feet. Youth Warrior kicks Dick Lick in the back of the leg. Dick Lick stands up. Dick Lick low blows Youth Warrior. Youth Warrior is up again. Dick Lick tries for a Body Slam but is not strong enough to lift Youth Warrior. Youth Warrior lifts Dick Lick up and drops him on the mat. Dick Lick stands up. Youth Warrior sends Dick Lick to ringside. Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) Youth Warrior picks up a blade and cuts Dick Lick. Dick Lick is bleeding.)
Jim: There’s blood all over the ringside.
Bud: Damn.
Jim: I know. That’s my cousin out there.
Jack: Too bad it couldn’t be you as well.
(Youth Warrior lifts Dick Lick and delivers a back breaker. (.2) Dick Lick tries for a Back Breaker but is not strong enough to lift Youth Warrior. They fight into the aisle. (...3) Dick Lick picks up a chair and throws it at Youth Warrior. (.... 4) Dick Lick runs and tackles Youth Warrior. Dick Lick punches him in the head. (...5) Youth Warrior and Dick Lick move back to ringside. Youth Warrior and Dick Lick move back into the ring. Youth Warrior delivers a short-arm clothesline to Dick Lick. Dick Lick kicks Youth Warrior in the back of the leg. Dick Lick stomps Youth Warrior's head. Dick Lick punches Youth Warrior in the head. Youth Warrior uses a belly-to-belly suplex. Dick Lick is down. Youth Warrior tries for a choke but Dick Lick avoids it. Youth Warrior drags Dick Lick to the floor. Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) Youth Warrior falls headfirst into Dick Lick. (..2) Youth Warrior executes a piledriver on Dick Lick. Youth Warrior kicks Dick Lick on the floor. "Dick Lick" chant starts. Dick Lick stands up. They head back into the ring. Youth Warrior hits Dick Lick with a pair of brass knuckles. Earl Hebner sees it. (ring, ring, ring!) Earl Hebner calls for the bell. Youth Warrior was disqualified.)
Harlie Davidson: The winner of this match, Dick Lick!!!
Jack: Holy Shit! Jim’s cousin actually won!
Bud: What the hell is Dick Lick doing now?
Jack: Who? Jim or Dick?
Bud: Both.
(Jim hands Dick Lick a microphone)
Dick Lick: For those of you who think that you can defeat me, I got a little something to say about that. "LICK ME!"
Jack: Some things I just don’t want to know.
Bud: Let’s just go to the commercials, for Christ’s sake.
(Commercial: "Feed the Need. With beef ravioli. MMMM, Beefy." "Don’t forget to get your Mick Foley Wheaties box, in stores now!" "At Do U, we are happy to enroll students, no matter their GPA. Do U, the college of Beavis & Butt-Head.")
Jim: Welcome back, Fans.
Jack: Shit! Why didn’t you guys tell me that the camera was on?
Jim: Well, you were to busy drinking your beer.
Bud: Let’s just go to the ring now, where Harlie Davidson is waiting for us.
Mark Happens vs. Kaptain Kool
Harlie: This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 255 from Los Angeles, CA a member of Jobbers R' Us, Mark Happens!!! (crowd boos!)
("The House That Jack Built" by Metallica plays as Mark enters the ring.)
Harlie Davidson: And his opponent, weighing in at 280 from Washington D.C., Kaptain Kool!!! (crowd boos!)
("Tear Da Club Up" plays as Kaptain Kool enters the ring. Mark Happens strikes Kaptain Kool in the elbow. Kaptain Kool strikes Mark Happens in the elbow. (ding, ding, ding) Mark Happens takes Kaptain Kool off his feet with a short-arm clothesline. Now Kaptain Kool standing. Kaptain Kool tackles Mark Happens to the mat. Mark Happens stands up. Kaptain Kool kicks Mark Happens in the stomach. Mark Happens climbs to his feet. Mark Happens picks Kaptain Kool up and side slams him to the mat. Mark Happens moves back to his feet. Kaptain Kool climbs to his feet. Mark Happens reverse DDT's Kaptain Kool's head into the mat.)
Jim Been: Kaptain Kool really felt that Reverse DDT!
Jack: And that intern is going to feel my foot up his ass, if he don’t get me another beer.
Intern: Here you go, sir.
Jack: That’s a good boy, now sit down and shut the hell up.
(Kaptain Kool is back on his feet. Kaptain Kool lifts Mark Happens into the air and delivers a spine buster. Kaptain Kool puts Mark Happens in a reverse chin lock. Referee Earl Hebner is checking for a tap out. ... Kaptain Kool tightens the hold. ... (AHHHH!) ... (AHHHH!) Kaptain Kool breaks the hold. Kaptain Kool sends Mark Happens to ringside. Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) Kaptain Kool picks up a Steel chair and swings it at Mark Happens. Mark Happens is bleeding.)
Jack Danheils: Now, this is what I call "quality" sports entertainment!
Jim Been: What? That Mark Happens is bleeding.
Bud Wheiser: No, they just brought up a keg of beer to the announcing booth.
(Kaptain Kool runs in and leg drops Mark Happens. (..2) (...3) Mark Happens punches Kaptain Kool in the head. Kaptain Kool executes a neck-breaker on Mark Happens. Mark Happens is back on his feet. Kaptain Kool tackles and begins punching Mark Happens. Mark Happens gets up. Mark Happens and Kaptain Kool move back into the ring. Kaptain Kool shoves Earl Hebner. (ring, ring, ring!) Earl Hebner calls for the bell. Kaptain Kool was disqualified.)
Harlie Davidson: The winner of this match, Mark Happens!!!
Bud Wheiser: Fans, please stay tuned as we take this commercial break.
(Commercials: "Dial 10-10-345 to save on all of your long distance calls." "Burger King. When you have it your way, it just taste’s better." "The 13th Warrior, starring Antonio Bandaras. Starts August 27." "Wal-Mart. Rolling back prices, Always.")
Jack: And we are back from our piss break, I mean, commercial break.
Jim: See, that’s what happens when you drink too much beer. (Points to Jack)
Bud: See, that’s what happens when you drink too little beer. (Points to Jim)
Jack: Whatever, Hell, just go to the ring.
Fireball vs. Mr. Charisma
Harlie: This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 225, from St. Louis, a member of the Demonic Empire, Fireball!!! (crowd cheers!)
("Hells Bells" plays as Fireball makes his way to the ring.)
Harlie: And his opponent, also weighing in at 225, from Charisma Central, Mr. Charisma!!! (crowd boos!)
("Highway Child" plays as Fireball grabs Mr. Charisma's arm and strikes his elbow. Mr. Charisma checks out the ring. (the bell rings) Mr. Charisma takes a slap to the face from Fireball. Fireball drives a forearm into the head of Mr. Charisma. Fireball takes a slap to the face from Mr. Charisma. Mr. Charisma is back on his feet. Fireball kicks Mr. Charisma in the back of the leg. Fireball stomps Mr. Charisma's head. Mr. Charisma stands up. Mr. Charisma vertical suplexes Fireball to the mat. Mr. Charisma stands up. Mr. Charisma puts Fireball in a reverse chin lock. The referee is checking the situation. ... Fireball is fighting the hold. ... (AHHHH!) ... ... Fireball escapes. Mr. Charisma sends Fireball to ringside. Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) Mr. Charisma picks up a microphone cable and chokes Fireball with it. (..2) Mr. Charisma fist drops Fireball on the floor. Now Mr. Charisma standing. Fireball stands up. (...3) Mr. Charisma kicks Fireball in the stomach. Fireball gets back to his feet. (....4) Mr. Charisma kicks Fireball in the head. Fireball climbs to his feet. (.....5) They fight into the aisle. Fireball and Mr. Charisma move back to ringside. Fireball and Mr. Charisma move back into the ring. Fireball short-arm clotheslines Mr. Charisma to the mat. Fireball goes for a pin. Earl Hebner counts the pin. ...1 ...2 Mr. Charisma escapes.)
Jim: Fireball almost had him.
Jack: Whatever. Hey, what did you do with the chips?
Bud: What? We’re out of potato chips?
Jim: I didn’t know that we can eat and drink on the job.
Bud: We can, as long as we don’t broadcast the name of the food.
Jack: Who cares about broadcasting the names, I want my chips.
Bud: Hey! Intern Boy! Get us some more chips!
Intern: Right away, sir.
Jim: Fireball continues with the offensive.
(Mr. Charisma climbs to his feet. Fireball kicks Mr. Charisma in the head. Fireball rolls onto Mr. Charisma connecting with a knee. Mr. Charisma moves back to his feet. Fireball executes a neck-breaker on Mr. Charisma. Fireball and Mr. Charisma go to the floor. Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) Fireball picks up a blade and cuts Mr. Charisma. Mr. Charisma is bleeding. Mr. Charisma climbs to his feet. (..2) Mr. Charisma punches Fireball in the head. (...3) Fireball delivers a low blow to Mr. Charisma. Mr. Charisma climbs to his feet. (....4) Mr. Charisma low blows Fireball. (.....5) They fight into the aisle. Mr. Charisma and Fireball move back to ringside. They head back into the ring. Mr. Charisma grabs Fireball and applies an arm wrench. Fireball is up again. Fireball takes Mr. Charisma down with a knee. Mr. Charisma gets back to his feet. Mr. Charisma gut-wrenches Fireball. Mr. Charisma and Fireball go to the floor Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) Fireball is back on his feet. (..2) Fireball tackles and begins punching Mr. Charisma. (...3) Fireball applies an arm wrench to Mr. Charisma. (....4) Fireball connects with a flying knee. Mr. Charisma goes down. Mr. Charisma stands up. Mr. Charisma tries for a Body Slam but Fireball avoids it. They fight into the aisle. (.....5) (......6) Mr. Charisma and Fireball move back to ringside. Mr. Charisma and Fireball move back into the ring. Mr. Charisma forearm smashes Fireball. Fireball kicks Mr. Charisma in the stomach. Fireball measures Mr. Charisma up and drops a closed fist. Fireball is up again. Mr. Charisma is back on his feet. Mr. Charisma takes Fireball down with a knee. Fireball moves back to his feet. Fireball delivers a short-arm clothesline to Mr. Charisma. Mr. Charisma gets back to his feet. Fireball reverse DDT's Mr. Charisma's head into the mat. "Mr. Charisma sucks" chant starts in the crowd. Mr. Charisma moves back to his feet. Fireball puts his arms around Mr. Charisma. Fireball has Mr. Charisma in a sleeper hold. The referee is checking the situation. ... ... Mr. Charisma tries to escape. Fireball breaks the hold.)
Jim Been: Fireball almost won the match!
Intern: Here’s your chips, sirs.
Jack: It’s about time. Now sit down.
Bud: What? No barbecued flavored?
Jim: Hey. Are you two more worried about your food, or this match?
Jack: You really want us to answer that?
Bud: Got to have some food when watching wrestling.
Jim: Well, I suppose. Fireball continues with his offense.
(Fireball lifts Mr. Charisma and delivers a back breaker. Fireball stomps Mr. Charisma's head. Fireball gives Mr. Charisma a crotch chop. Fireball and Mr. Charisma go to the floor Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) Fireball grabs Mr. Charisma and applies an arm wrench. Mr. Charisma gets up. Fireball runs and tackles Mr. Charisma. Fireball punches him in the head. (..2) Fireball head butts Mr. Charisma. Fireball leg drops Mr. Charisma. Mr. Charisma moves back to his feet. (...3) Fireball kicks Mr. Charisma in the head. Mr. Charisma moves back to his feet. Fireball side slams Mr. Charisma. Fireball gets up. Mr. Charisma climbs to his feet. (....4) Fireball drives a forearm into the head of Mr. Charisma. Fireball grabs his hand and flips him to the floor. (.....5) Fireball rolls onto Mr. Charisma connecting with a knee. Mr. Charisma moves back to his feet. Mr. Charisma takes a slap to the face from Fireball. Now Fireball standing. (......6) Fireball body slams Mr. Charisma. (.......7) Fireball executes a piledriver on Mr. Charisma. Mr. Charisma is back on his feet. Fireball connects with a low blow. Mr. Charisma goes down. (........8) Fireball chokes Mr. Charisma. Fireball falls headfirst into Mr. Charisma. Now Fireball standing. Fireball goes to the ring. (.........9)Mr. Charisma heads to the ring but Fireball keeps him out.(...........10).)
Harlie Davidson: The winner of this match, Fireball!!!
Bud Wheiser: Fans, we take you now to yet another commercial break. Please stay tuned for some more Blood Bath Action.
(Commercials: "Pepsi. The Joy of Cola." "Feed the Need. With beef ravioli. MMMM, Beefy." "Hungry? Why wait? Snickers." "Dial 1-800-COLLECT, and save a buck or two or three.")
(The camera returns with some more pyrotechnics igniting. Loud music enters the arena again, and the camera then focuses in on the announcing booth.)
Bud: Yes, fans, we are starting the second hour now of the P.C.W./H.W.A. Friday Night Blood Bath!
Jack: And to start off the second hour, we go to the ring now with the lovely Blood Bath Babes.
(The Blood Bath Babes then enter the ring, and proceed to do a seductive dance routine. Once the girls had finished, the crowd cheers, as they return to the locker room area.)
(Jack looks over at the young intern, who’s distracted by the Blood Bath Babes.)
Jack: Hey, HEY! Intern Boy! Those are women. Get your own.
Bud: Careful, Jack. He’s the one who fetches our beer.
Jim: Uh, let’s just go to the ring now for our next match.
Porn Star vs. Beast Master
Harlie Davidson: This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 245, from The Jungle, a member of the NWO, Inc., Beast Master!!! (crowd cheers!)
("Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns ‘N Roses plays as Beast Master walks down the aisle.)
Harlie Davidson: And his opponent, weighing in at 225, from Las Vegas, Nevada, a member of the NWO, Inc., Porn Star!!! (crowd cheers!)
("Some Hoes For You" plays, as the wrestler formerly known as Val Venus enters the ring. Beast Master checks out ringside. Porn Star grabs Beast Master's arm and strikes his elbow. (ding, ding, ding) Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) Beast Master tackles Porn Star. Now Beast Master standing. Porn Star is back on his feet. (..2) Porn Star low blows Beast Master. Beast Master climbs to his feet. (...3) Beast Master uses a closed fist on Porn Star. (....4) Porn Star drives a forearm into Beast Master. (.....5) They fight into the aisle. Porn Star and Beast Master move back to ringside. Porn Star takes Beast Master into the ring. Porn Star uses a closed fist on Beast Master. Porn Star takes Beast Master off his feet with a short-arm clothesline Beast Master is back on his feet. Beast Master lifts up Porn Star and delivers a gut-wrench power bomb. Beast Master applies a Boston crab to Porn Star. Referee Earl Hebner is checking for a tap out. ... ... Beast Master breaks the hold. Beast Master drags Porn Star to the floor. Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) (..2) Beast Master applies an arm wrench to Porn Star. (...3) Beast Master knees Porn Star and rolls back to his feet. Porn Star gets up. (....4) Porn Star kicks Beast Master in the stomach. Now Beast Master standing. (.....5) They fight into the aisle. Beast Master and Porn Star move back to ringside. Beast Master takes Porn Star into the ring. Beast Master tackles Porn Star and pummels his head. Beast Master measures Porn Star up and drops a closed fist. Beast Master gets up. Beast Master slaps the face of Porn Star. Beast Master delivers a kick to the head of Porn Star. Porn Star is back on his feet. Beast Master kicks Porn Star in the stomach.)
Jim: Beast Master sure is giving Porn Star a beating.
Jack: Uh, would you mind re-phrasing that last sentence.
Jim: Why? Was there something wrong with it?
Bud: Jim, just shut up.
(Beast Master uses a belly-to-belly suplex. Porn Star is down. Porn Star gets back to his feet. Porn Star tackles Beast Master. Porn Star is back on his feet. Beast Master is up again. Porn Star kicks Beast Master in the head. Porn Star covers Beast Master. Referee Earl Hebner makes the count. ...1 Beast Master kicks out. Beast Master climbs to his feet. Beast Master takes Porn Star down with a knee. Porn Star stands up. Porn Star tackles Beast Master and pummels his head. Now Beast Master standing. Porn Star connects with a low blow. Beast Master goes down. Beast Master is back on his feet. Beast Master tries for a Side slam but Porn Star avoids it. Beast Master puts Porn Star in a sleeper hold. Earl Hebner is checking for a tap out. ... (AHHHH!) ... Beast Master tightens the hold. ... Porn Star tries to escape. Porn Star escapes. Beast Master and Porn Star go to the floor. Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) (..2) Beast Master short-arm clotheslines Porn Star to the floor. (...3) Beast Master kicks Porn Star on the floor. Porn Star gets back to his feet. (....4) Porn Star delivers a kick to the head of Beast Master. (.....5) They head back into the ring. Porn Star applies an arm wrench to Beast Master. Porn Star fist drops Beast Master on the mat. Porn Star is up again. Porn Star kicks Beast Master in the back of the leg. Beast Master climbs to his feet. Beast Master vertical suplexes Porn Star to the mat. Beast Master is back on his feet. Beast Master measures Porn Star up and drops a closed fist. Beast Master chants start. Beast Master moves back to his feet. Beast Master chokes Porn Star. Porn Star stands up. Beast Master flips Porn Star to the mat. Beast Master chants start. Porn Star gets up. Beast Master kicks Porn Star in the head. Beast Master goes and sets Porn Star for the Rattle-Snake Bite!! Beast Master covers. The ref. starts the count. (...1) (...2) (...3).)
Harlie Davidson: The winner of this match, Beast Master!!!
Jim: That match was entertaining.
Jack: I thought Bud told you to shut up?
Jim: Well, I just wanted to state my opinion.
Bud: You have an opinion?
Jack: There’s a first time for everything.
Jim: Well, sort of.
Bud: Whatever. Fans stay tuned as we go now to a commercial.
(Commercials: "Surge. Life’s a scream." "Spree. It’s a kick in the mouth." "Did somebody say McDonald’s?" "Feed the need. Eat some Beef Ravioli. MMMM, Beefy.")
Jim: And we are back.
Jack: No kidding.
Bud: Let’s go now to the ring for our next match.
Miguel Blood vs. Warlok
Harlie: On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 275, from the Insane Asylum, a member of the Demonic Empire, Warlok!
("Sweet Dreams" by Marilyn Manson plays as Warlok enters the ring.)
Harlie: And his opponent, weighing in at 205, from Boca, Argentina, Miguel Blood!
("Brood’s Theme" plays as Miguel Blood enters the ring. Warlok checks out the ring. Miguel Blood checks his boots. (ding, ding, ding) Warlok delivers a low blow to Miguel Blood. Miguel Blood delivers a low blow to Warlok. Warlok short-arm clotheslines Miguel Blood to the mat. Miguel Blood is back on his feet. Miguel Blood lifts Warlok up and drops him on his knee. Miguel Blood applies an arm wrench to Warlok. Miguel Blood knees Warlok and rolls back to his feet. Warlok is up again. Miguel Blood takes a slap to the face from Warlok. Warlok tackles Miguel Blood and pummels his head. Miguel Blood stands up. Miguel Blood piledrives Warlok. Miguel Blood applies a Boston crab to Warlok. The referee is checking the situation. ... ... ... Warlok tries to escape. ... Miguel Blood breaks the hold. Miguel Blood sends Warlok to ringside.)
Jim: If Warlok or Miguel Blood could get a weapon it would change the course of this match.
Jack: That’s curious. I wonder why Warlok didn’t bring his sledgehammer to the ring with him.
Bud: He’s seems a little distracted without it.
(Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) (..2) Miguel Blood stomps Warlok. (...3) Miguel Blood fist drops Warlok on the floor. (....4) Miguel Blood knees Warlok and rolls back to his feet. Warlok gets up. (.....5) They head back into the ring. Warlok connects with a flying knee. Miguel Blood goes down. Miguel Blood is back on his feet. Warlok drives a forearm into Miguel Blood. Miguel Blood takes a slap to the face from Warlok. Warlok low blows Miguel Blood. Warlok rolls onto Miguel Blood connecting with a knee. Warlok tries for a Body Slam but Miguel Blood avoids it. Warlok grabs his hand and flips him to the mat. Warlok tries for a German Suplex but Miguel Blood avoids it. Warlok drags Miguel Blood to the floor.)
Jim Been: They’re going to be counted out!
Jack: Look! Here comes Abaddon and Asherah!
Bud: And Asherah has Warlok’s sledgehammer!
(Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) (..2) Warlok stomps Miguel Blood. Miguel Blood stands up. (...3) Miguel Blood delivers a short-arm clothesline to Warlok. Warlok is up again. (....4) Warlok short-arm clotheslines Miguel Blood to the floor. (.....5) They head back into the ring. Abaddon and Asherah stand at ringside. Warlok measures Miguel Blood up and drops a closed fist. Warlok stands up. Warlok runs and tackles Miguel Blood. Warlok punches him in the head. Miguel Blood is up again. Miguel Blood hits the mat. Warlok gets up. Warlok sends Miguel Blood to ringside. Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) (..2) Warlok applies an arm wrench to Miguel Blood. Miguel Blood climbs to his feet. (...3) Miguel Blood runs and tackles Warlok. Miguel Blood punches him in the head. (....4) Warlok drives a forearm into the head of Miguel Blood. (.....5) Miguel Blood and Warlok move back into the ring. Miguel Blood kicks Warlok in the stomach. Miguel Blood measures Warlok up and drops a closed fist. Miguel Blood climbs to his feet. Warlok is back on his feet. Warlok takes Miguel Blood down with a knee. Warlok short-arm clotheslines Miguel Blood to the mat. Warlok kicks Miguel Blood on the mat. Warlok covers Miguel Blood. Earl Hebner counts. ...1 Miguel Blood kicks out. Now Miguel Blood standing. Warlok delivers a spine buster to Miguel Blood. Warlok chokes Miguel Blood with his boot.)
Jim: I wish every match could be like this!
Bud: With the members of the Empire out here, anything can happen.
(Warlok grabs Miguel Blood and applies an arm wrench. Warlok measures Miguel Blood up and drops a closed fist. Now Warlok standing. Miguel Blood is back on his feet. Miguel Blood takes a slap to the face from Warlok. Warlok climbs to his feet. Warlok lifts Miguel Blood into a vertical suplex. Miguel Blood climbs to his feet. Asherah stands on the ring apron. Abaddon enters the ring. Asherah distracts the referee. Abaddon hands Warlok the sledgehammer. Warlok swings the sledgehammer at Miguel Blood. Miguel Blood goes down hard. Abaddon gives Miguel Blood the Severed Head Suplex. Warlok gives Miguel Blood the Sledgehammer Slam. Abaddon rolls out of the ring. Miguel Blood is out. Warlok covers Miguel Blood hooking the leg. The ref. starts the count. (...1) (...2) (...3).)
Harlie Davidson: The winner of this match, Warlok!!!
Jack: Now that’s what I call a match!
Bud: Miguel Blood didn’t even stand a chance against the Empire.
Jim: Yeah! I just hope that my cousin Richie can defeat them.
Jack: I highly doubt that.
Bud: Fans, when we have to take a commercial break. We will be right back with some more Blood Bath action.
(Commercials: "Corona. Change your whole latitude." "Everybody loves fruit. Fruit of the Loom." "Alero, by Oldsmobile. Start something." "Pepsi. The Joy of Cola.")
Jack: Welcome back fans, we take you to the ring now where the Blood Bath Babes are waiting for us.
(The Blood Bath Babes do a dance routine, and then wave to the audience as they return to the locker rooms.)
Jack: Must they go?
Jim: Yes, they have to leave in order to get the next match started.
Bud: They could always stay up here at the announcing booth.
Jim: But there’s not that much room here.
Jack: Well, if you would leave, it might help out.
Jim: Ha, Ha. Let’s go to the ring now for our next bout.
Poison Elves vs. Demons of the Night
Harlie: This match is a Standard Match tag match. On there way to the ring at this time, making their P.C.W./H.W.A. debut, the Poison Elves!!!
("Happiness in Slavery" plays as Talon and Morachi enter the ring.)
Harlie: And their opponents, representing the Demonic Empire, the P.C.W./H.W.A. Tag Team champions, the Demons of the Night.
("March of the Undead" plays as Abaddon and Molech enter the ring. Morachi checks out the ring. Molech strikes Morachi in the elbow. (ding, ding, ding) Morachi clotheslines Molech. Morachi tags in Talon. Talon sets Molech up DDT’s him into the mat. Molech fist drops Talon on the mat. Talon is back on his feet. Molech tackles and begins punching Talon. Molech tags Abaddon. Abaddon sets Talon up DDT’s him into the mat. Abaddon is up again. Abaddon kicks Talon on the mat. Talon is back on his feet. Abaddon tackles Talon and pummels his head. Talon tags in Morachi. They lockup. Talon sends Abaddon to the corner of the ring. Morachi grabs his hand and flips him to the mat. Talon suplexes Abaddon. Abaddon measures Talon up and drops a closed fist. Abaddon gets up. Morachi tags Talon. Talon tries for a Side slam but is not strong enough to lift Abaddon. Talon tries for a Spine Buster but is not strong enough to lift Abaddon. Abaddon makes the tag to Molech. Talon connects with a flying knee. Molech goes down. Molech is up again. Talon tackles Molech and pummels his head. Molech climbs to his feet. Molech uses a closed fist on Talon. Molech delivers a low blow to Talon. Molech goes for a pin. Earl Hebner counts. ...1 ...2 Talon escapes.)
Jim Been: You just can't win this early in a match. Especially with an opponent like Talon.
Bud: True, the Poison Elves are making quite a debut.
Jack: And the Demons are making them earn it too!
(Talon stands up. Talon tags Morachi. Morachi tackles Molech to the mat. Morachi stands up. Molech is up again. Molech picks Morachi up and side slams him to the mat. Molech gets back to his feet. Molech goes for a figure four. Earl Hebner asks Morachi if he quits. ... Molech tightens the hold. ... Molech breaks the hold. Morachi uses a closed fist on Molech. Molech tags Abaddon. Morachi hits the mat. Abaddon kicks Morachi in the stomach. Morachi short-arm clotheslines Abaddon to the mat. Morachi tags in Talon. Talon tries for a Piledriver but Abaddon avoids it. Talon and Abaddon go to the floor Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) Talon picks up a Steel chair and swings it at Abaddon. Abaddon is bleeding. Talon chokes Abaddon. Abaddon is up again. (..2) Talon tries for a vertical Suplex but is not strong enough to lift Abaddon.(...3) Talon reverse DDT's Abaddon's head into the floor. (....4) (.....5) They fight into the aisle. Talon and Abaddon move back to ringside. Talon and Abaddon move back into the ring. Talon rolls onto Abaddon connecting with a knee. Abaddon makes the tag to Molech. Talon tackles Molech to the mat. Talon is up again. Now Molech standing. Talon punches Molech in the head. Molech tags in Abaddon. Now Abaddon standing. Abaddon connects with a flying knee. Talon goes down. Abaddon grabs Talon and applies an arm wrench. Now Talon standing. Abaddon low blows Talon. Talon tags in Morachi. Abaddon takes Morachi off his feet with a short-arm clothesline. Morachi gets up. Abaddon punches Morachi in the head. Abaddon delivers a kick to the head of Morachi. Morachi tags Talon. Talon sets Abaddon up DDT’s him into the mat. Talon gets up. Abaddon reverse DDT's Talon's head into the mat. Abaddon drags Talon to the floor. Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) Asherah clotheslines Talon. Abaddon executes a piledriver on Talon. Abaddon chants start. (..2) Abaddon picks up a microphone cable and chokes Talon with it. Asherah clotheslines Talon. Abaddon rolls onto Talon connecting with a knee. Abaddon chants start. Abaddon applies an arm wrench to Talon. Abaddon and Talon move back into the ring. Abaddon head butts Talon. Abaddon is up again. Abaddon runs in and leg drops Talon. Abaddon chants start. Abaddon sets Talon up for the Severed Head Suplex. Talon is down. Abaddon covers Talon. The ref. starts the count. (...1) (...2) (...3).)
Harlie Davidson: The winners of this match, the Demons of the Night!!!
Jim: What a nice debut for the Poison Elves. Even though they lost.
Bud: OK, if you say so.
Jack: Fans, stay tuned as we go to our last commercial break of the evening.
(Commercials: "Hungry? Why wait? Snickers." "Snap into a Slim Jim. Oh, Yeah!" "Surge. Life’s a scream." "Everybody loves fruit. Fruit of the Loom." "Dial 10-10-220 to save an all of your calls.")
Bud: Fans, we are running low on time, so we will take you to the ring now for our main event of the evening.
Archangel vs. The Terminator
Harlie Davidson: This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 310, from Heavens Gates, Archangel!!! (crowd cheers!!)
("This Means War" by Petra plays as Archangel enters the ring.)
Harlie: And his opponent, weighing in at 275, from The Future, The Terminator!!!
("T2 theme" plays as The Terminator enters the ring. Archangel grabs The Terminator's arm and strikes his elbow. The Terminator grabs Archangel's arm and strikes his elbow. (ding, ding, ding) Archangel drives a forearm into the head of The Terminator. Archangel kicks The Terminator in the head. The Terminator connects with a low blow. Archangel goes down. The Terminator grabs Archangel and applies an arm wrench. Now Archangel standing. Archangel connects with a flying knee. The Terminator goes down. The Terminator gets back to his feet. The Terminator delivers a spine buster to Archangel. The Terminator covers Archangel hooking the leg. Referee Earl Hebner makes the count. ...1 ...2 Archangel escapes. Archangel climbs to his feet. Archangel grabs his hand and flips him to the mat. Archangel chants start. Now the Terminator standing. Archangel and The Terminator go to the floor. Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) (..2) Archangel short-arm clotheslines The Terminator to the floor. (...3) The Terminator kicks Archangel in the stomach. Archangel gets back to his feet. (....4) Archangel shoulder tackles The Terminator. Archangel moves back to his feet. The Terminator stands up. (.....5) The Terminator and Archangel move back into the ring. The Terminator drives a forearm into Archangel. Archangel uses a closed fist on The Terminator. Archangel tackles The Terminator and pummels his head. The Terminator stands up. Archangel tackles The Terminator. Archangel moves back to his feet. Archangel delivers a spine buster to The Terminator. Archangel chokes The Terminator with his boot. Archangel goes for a figure four. Earl Hebner is checking for a tap out. ... The Terminator is fighting the hold. ... The Terminator tries to escape. ... The Terminator escapes. Archangel knees The Terminator and rolls back to his feet. Archangel takes a slap to the face from The Terminator. Now The Terminator standing. Archangel punches The Terminator in the head. The Terminator connects with a flying knee. Archangel goes down. Archangel gets up. Archangel forearm smashes The Terminator. Archangel tackles The Terminator and pummels his head. Archangel covers The Terminator hooking the leg. Earl Hebner counts the pin. ...1 ...2 The Terminator escapes.)
Jim: This is a good match.
Jack: You’re damn right.
Bud: Folks, we are still running low on time, but we will show you the rest of this match in its entirety.
(The Terminator moves back to his feet. The Terminator flips Archangel to the mat. The Terminator goes for a figure four. Earl Hebner asks Archangel if he quits. ... Archangel is fighting the hold. ... (AHHHH!) ... Archangel is fighting the hold. The Terminator breaks the hold. The Terminator drags Archangel to the floor. Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) (..2) The Terminator knees Archangel and rolls back to his feet. Archangel moves back to his feet. (...3) The Terminator delivers a kick to the head of Archangel. (....4) The Terminator runs and tackles Archangel. The Terminator punches him in the head. (.....5) The Terminator and Archangel move back into the ring. The Terminator stomps Archangel's head. Archangel gets up. Archangel lifts The Terminator into the air. Holds him and drops him to the mat. Archangel chants start. Archangel stands up. Archangel puts The Terminator in a reverse chin lock. Earl Hebner is checking for a tap out. ... ... The Terminator tries to escape. ... Archangel tightens the hold. The Terminator escapes. Archangel and The Terminator go to the floor Earl Hebner starts the count (.1) The Terminator moves back to his feet. (..2) The Terminator uses a closed fist on Archangel. Archangel kicks The Terminator in the head. Archangel chants start. Archangel kicks The Terminator on the floor. They head back into the ring. Archangel measures The Terminator up and drops a closed fist. Now Archangel standing. Archangel falls headfirst into The Terminator. Archangel chants start. Now Archangel standing. Archangel puts The Redemption on The Terminator. Archangel covers The Terminator. Referee Earl Hebner makes the count. (...1) (...2) (...3).)
Harlie Davidson: The winner of this match, Archangel!!!
Bud: Folks, we are out of time. Please join us next week for P.C.W./H.W.A. August Anarchy!