CRUCIFY every finger in the room is pointing at me I wanna spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth figures that my courage would choose to sell out now I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets I've been raising up my hands drive another nail in just what GOD needs one more victim why do we crucify ourselves every day I crucify myself nothing I do is good enough for you crucify myself every day and my HEART is sick of bein in chains got a kick for a dog beggin' for LOVE I gotta have my suffering so that I can have my cross I know a cat named Easter he says will you ever learn you're just and empty cage girl if you kill the bird I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets I've been raising up my arms drive another nail in got enough GUILT to start my own religion please be save me I CRY

"Bells started going off every time

I wouldn't stick up for myself I

accepted Quasimodo was a

squatter in my cerebral area. A

rhythmic pattern kept chasing me

around. I dug out the drum

machine and put the pattern

down I would leave that pattern

on for hours while I just sat and

argued with myself about stuff.

The first music to get put to the

pattern was the 'B' section 'I've

been looking for a savior'...a

door opened and the demons

started to show up"

GIRL from the shadow she calls in and in the shadow she finds a way finds a way and in the shadow she CRAWLS clutching her faded photograph my IMAGE under her thumb yes with a message for my heart yes with a message for my heart she's been everybody else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own everybody else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own and in the doorway they stay and laugh as violins fill with water screams from the BLUEBELLS can't make them go away we'll I'm not seventeen but I've cuts on my knees falling down as the winter takes one more CHERRY TREE rushin' rivers thread so thin limitations dream with the flying pigs turbid blue and the drugstores too safe in their coats anda in their do's yeah smother in our hearts a pillow to my dots on day maybe one day sh'll be her own and in the mist there she rides and castles are burning in my heart and as I twist I hold tight and I ride to work every morning wondering why 'sit in the chair and be good now' and become all that they told you the white coats enter her room and I'm callin' my baby callin' my baby callin' my baby callin' everybody else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own

"The beginnings were composed

on an old upright piano in

Virginia. It's horribly out of tune

which is one of the things I love

about it. The chorus was written

but that's about it I threw it

down on tape and forgot about it

months later I was cleaning the

house(truly a happening) and

was throwing tapes away. Eric

intercepted this one out of a pile

I was chopping onions in the

kitchen he brought it in and said

'listen'-I did"

SILENT ALL THESE YEARS excuse me but can I be you for a while my DOG won't bite if you sit real still I got the anti-christ in the kitchen yellin' at me again yeah I can hear that been saved again by the garbage truck I got something to say you know but NOTHING comes yes I know what you think of me you never shut up yeah I can hear that but what if I'm a mermaid in these jeans of his with her name still on it hey but I don't care cause sometimes I said sometimes I hear my voice and its been HERE silent all these years so you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts what's so amazing about really deep thoughts boy you best pray that I bleed real soon how's that thought for you my scream got lost in a paper cup you think there's a heaven where some screams have gone I got 25 bucks and a cracker do you think it's enough to get us there years go by will I still be waiting for somebody else to understand years go by I've been stripped of my beauty and the orange clouds raining in my head years go by will I choke all my tears till finally there's nothing left one more casualty you know we're too EASY easy easy well I love the way we communicate your eyes focus on my funny lip shape let's hear what you think of me now but baby don't look up the sky is falling your mother shows up in a nasty dress and it's your turn now to stand where I stand everybody lookin' at you you take hold of my hand yeah I can hear them

"The bumble bee piano tinkle

came first. This one evolved

slowly but became an obsession

until it was finished. I entered

boxer occupation- part of me not

wanting to hear what 'I' was

saying the other part fighting off

'The Brain Drain.' I finally dis-

tracted THE BRAIN

DRAIN with the task of filing

chocolate cake recipes"

PRECIOUS THINGS so I ran faster but it caught me here yes my loyalties turned like my ankle in the seventh grade running after BILLY running after the rain these precious things let them bleed let them wash away these precious things let them break their hold on me he said you're really an ugly girl but I like the way you play and I died but I thanked him can you believe that sick holding on to his pictures dressing up every day I wanna smash the faces of those beautiful BOYS those christian boys so you can make me cum that doesn't make you Jesus I remember yes in my peach party dress no one dared no one cared to tell me where the pretty girls are those demigods with their NINE-INCH nails and little facist panties tucked inside the heart of every nice girl

"Heavily into the sandman comics

by now the nights were late can-

dles all over the house dripping

where they would. Wax is a bit

more fun to play with than bubble

gum. The doors were open by

now I could resist but there's

always air suction"

WINTER snow can wait I forgot my mittens wipe my nose get my new boots on I get a littl warm in my heart when I think of winter I put my hand in my father's glove I run off where the DRIFTS GET DEEPER sleeping beauty trips me with a frown I hear a voice ' you must learn to stand up for yourself cause I can't always be around' he says when you gonna make up your mind when you gonna love you as much as I do when you gonna make up your mind cause things are gonna CHANGE so fast all the white horses are still in bed I tell you that I'll always want you near you say that things change my dear boys get discovered as winter MELTS flowers competing for hte sun years go by and I'm here still waiting withering where some snowman was mirror mirror where's the crystal palace but I only can see myself SKATING around the truth who I am but I know dad the ice is getting thin hair is grey and the fires are burning so many dreams on the shelf you say I wanted you to be PROUD of me I always wanted that myself he says when you gonna make up your mind when you gonna love you as much as I do when you gonna make up your mind cause things change so fast all the WHITE HORSES have gone ahead I tell you that I always want you near you say that things change my dear

"Summoned to the piano this

Russian music box round played

me over and over and over til I

was wrapped in a blanket with

the memory of cinnamon apples

on my tongue and boys that

didn't 'We' went back to where

I felt no time-it was all happen-

ing again, presently

HAPPY PHANTOM and if I die today I'll be the HAPPY phantom and I'll go chasin' the nuns out in the yard and I'll run naked through the streets without my mask on and I will never need umbrellas in the rain I'll wake up in strawberry fields every day and the atrocities of school I can forgive the HAPPY phantom has not right to bitch well oo who the time is getting closer oo who time to be a ghost oo who every day we're getting closer the sun is getting dim will we pay for who we been yeah so if I die today I'll be the HAPPY phantom and I'll go wearin' my NAUGHTIES like a jewel they'll be my ticket to the universal opera there's Judy Garland taking Buddha by the hand and then these seven little men get up to dance they say Confucious does his crossword with a pen I'm still an angel to a girl who hates to SIN or will I see you dear and wish I could come back you found a girl that you could TRULY love again will you still call for me when she falls asleep or do we soon forget the things we cannot see

"When the songs began showing

up I wrote their names on sepa-

rate envelopes and made a faery

ring in the middle of the house.

I'd go sit in the middle of the

ring to focus on a song's direc-

tion. All of the songs seemed to

work toward the completeness of

the other they decided we need-

ed to hang out with death for

awhile"

CHINA all the way to New York I can feel the distance getting close you're right next to me but I need an airplane I can feel the DISTANCE as you breathe sometimes I think you want me to touch you how can I when you build the great WALL around you in your eyes I saw a future together you just look away in the distance china decorates our table funny how the CRACKS don't seem to show pour the wine dear you say we'll take a holiday but we never can agree on where to go China all the way to New York maybe you got lost in MEXICO you're right next to me I think that you can hear me funny how the distance learns to grow I can feel the distance I can feel the distance I can feel the distance getting close

"The fifths in the bass represent

the beginning of an ancient cere-

mony This ceremony took me to

China took me to the kitchen

table where most wars get nur-

tured I've always felt China and

secrets are good friends. This

song was the first written on

'Little Earthquakes'"

LEATHER look I'm standing naked before you don't you want more than my sex I can scream as loud as your last one but I can't claim innocence oh god could it be the weather oh god why am I here if love isn't forever and it's NOT THE WEATHER hand me my leather I could just pretend that you love me the night would lose all sense of fear but why do I need you to love me when you can't hold what I hold dear I almost ran over an angel he had a nice big fat cigar "IN A SENSE" he said "you're alone here so if you jump you best jump far"

"A hole opens sometimes that I

fall through a bit like the madhat-

ter I guess where memories

coughing in loose molecules come

and chase me around for a while.

I felt like I had lived 20 different

lifetimes from birth through death

during the writing of this song.

When I looked up from the piano

and at the clock, thinking I was

hours late for someone, it had

only been 8 minutes.

MOTHER go go go go now out of the nest it's time to go go go go now circus girl without a safety net here here now don't cry you raised your hand for the assignment tuck those ribbons under your helmet be a good soldier first my left food then my right behind the OTHER pantyhose running in the cold mother the car is here somebody leave the light on green limousine for the redhead DANCING dancing girl and when I dance for him somebody leave the light on just in case I like the dancing I can remember where I come from I walked into your dream and now I've forgotten how to dream my own dream you are the CLEVER one aren't you brides in veils for you we told you all of our secrets all but one and don't you even try the phone has been disconnected dripping with blood and with time and with your advice poison me against the MOON I escape into your escape into our very favourite fearscape it's across the sky and I cross my heart and I cross my legs oh my god first my left foot then my right behind the other breadcrumbs lost under the snow

"Mother came on a bit like a dream

sleep. It was early morning

when I made my way to the

piano. I knew 'they' were

trying to show me something a

memory of 'the fall', not the one

we've been taught, but the other

side of the story which is the

belief of certain ancient mythol-

ogies. Mother changed me

because I began to remember,

where I believe, we come from"

TEAR IN YOUR HAND all the world just stopped now so you say you don't wanna stay together anymore let me take a deep breath babe if you need me. me and neil'll be hangin' out with the DREAM KING Neil says hi by the way I don't believe you're leavin' cause me and Charles Manson like the same ice cream I think it's that girl and I think there're pieces of me you've never seen maybe she's just pieces of me you've never seen well all the world is all I am the black of the blackest ocean and that tear in your hand all the world is DANGLIN'...danglin'...danglin' for me DARLIN' you don't know the power that you have with that tear in your hand maybe I ain't used to maybes smashing in a cold room cutting my hands up every time I touch you maybe maybe it's time to wave goodbye now time to wave goodbye now caught a ride with the moon I know I know you well well better than I used to HAZE all clouded up my mind in the DAZE of the why it could've never been so you say and I say you know you're full of wish and your 'baby baby baby babies' I tell you there're pieces of me you've never seen maybe she's just pieces of me you've never seen well

"Emotionally all these songs come

from experiences that trigger

them. I haven't chosen to talk

much about that side of the song-

writing-the seed for all these

songs. On the technical side I

heard the music as a steady

motion no change really from

verse and chorus only the bridge

that leads straight back like a

loop to the same toll booth where

you threw in some change to go

around only to end up surround-

ed by the place you left. The only

difference is by taking the loop

ride you see the place you

left exactly as it is; some sadness

a whole lotta corn field and a

puddle"

ME AND A GUN 5am friday morning thursday night far from sleep I'm still up and driving can't go home obviously so I'll just change direction cause they'll soon know where I live and I wanna live got a full tank and some chips it was me and a gun and a man on my back and I sang 'holy holy' as he buttoned down his pants me and a gun and a man on my back but I haven't seen BARBADOS so I must get out of this yes I wore a slinky red thing does that mean I should spread for you, your friends your father, Mr.Ed and I know what this means me and Jesus a few years back used to hang and he said "it's your choice babe just remember I don't think you'll be back in 3 days time so you choose well" tell me what's right is it my right to be on my stomach in Fred's seville and do you know CAROLINA where the biscuits are soft and sweet these things go through your head when there's a man on your back and you're pushed flat on your stomach it's not a classic cadillac

LITTLE EARTHQUAKES yellow bird flying get shot in the wing good year for hunters and christmas parties and I hate and I hate and I hate and I hate elevator music the way we fight the way I'm left here silent oh these little earthquakes here we go again these little earthquakes doesn't take much to RIP us into pieces we danced in graveyards with vampires till dawn we laughed in the faces of kings never afraid to burn and I hate and I hate and I hate and I hate disintigration watching us wither like black winged roses that safely change their COLOR I can't reach you I can't reach you give me life give me pain give me myself again

"My eye twitches sometimes. I

was surrounded by the thoughts

I smash they decided I would

be a good dinner I decided I

wanted 3 bridges in the song

UPSIDE DOWN god I love to turn my little blue world upside down god I love to turn my little blue world upside down inside my head the noise chatter chatter you see I'm afraid I'll always be still comin' out of my mother upside down Don't you love to turn this little blue girl upside down oh I know you love to turn this little blue girl baby upside down but my hear it says you've been shatter shatter shatter SHATTER shattered and I know you're still a boy still comin' out of your mother but when you gonna stand on your own I say the world is sick you say tell me what that makes us darlin' you see you always find my faults faster than you find your own you say the world is getting rid of her DEMONS I say baby what have you been smokin' well I dreamed I dreamed I dreamed I loved a black boy my daddy would scream oh yeah don't you love to turn this little blue girl upside down any kind of touch I think is better than none even upside down but you see I'm tangled up got kitten kitten kitten KITTEN in my air Cincinatti I like the word it's the only thing we can't seem to turn upside down well I found the secret to life I'm O.K. when everything is not O.K.

"sticks rocks food all sundry items

came into the faery donut includ-

ing my feet over my head and a

littl blue girl"

THOUGHTS right now I picked up a magazine ooh here we go fifteen hundred years fifteen hundred years right here burning witches burning books burning babies in their LOOKS yes indeed burning everything that's sacred in my jeans yeah yeah thoughts right now she's been everybody else's girl thoughts right now right thoughts right now right right now am I here am I here I'm never here I'm never here I'm NEVER here I'm never here never a bird or a FLOWER in the tree or the pain of the respect there of yes indeed thoughts right now what will become of me become of her becom of we

"'Girl' was being recorded and I

couldn't get a take. I was freak-

ing out. Eric was in the booth

playing air ball encouraging me

to take a ten minute. Glued on

the bench I started this thing

coming from nowhere singing

nonsense into the mic. When I

finished Eric said 'it's a take' I

said 'what'-he had left the

machine running"

---