Top ten new character classes for AD&D I hope to never see
10. Gansta ‘Ho
9. The kobold monk
8. The pygmy giant
7. The venusion bung plucker
6. The halfling witch
5. The goblin Paladin
4. The anything from a new tv show class (i.e. highlander, vorlon, power rangers etc...)
3. The money grubbing publisher character class, sadly enough this one is real :(
2. The aboleth acrobat
1. Anything with the word “dragon”
10. Its only cheating if the DM catches you
9. My fighter looks just like Leonardo Decaprio
8. What do you mean my 1st level Drow only starts out with 1 +6 vorpal blade of dancing?
7. At what level can I make my character a god?
6. O.K. I use my Eye of Venca to disentagrate him, whew that was lucky that orc almost hit me.
5. I sit with my back to the wall.
4. I just took out a mortgage on my house so I can buy all of those “kits” books.
3. Oh yeah, well my character has/is.........
2. Boy AD&D and Rifts are the best RPG’s in the whole wide world (gag me with a rot grub)
1. Its legal, I got it from one of those “kits” books
Top ten list: things you
will never hear at a game of AD&D
10. Whoa, your character is more powerful than mine, but I’ ok with that.
9. Hi I’m true neutral, and damn near worthless
8. Hey DM dont you think this treasure is a too much, I just dont see why a goblin would have
more than one maul of the Titans of dancing and life stealing?
7. Screw you, I get to open the door this time.
6. Damn, hey DM I rolled a Psuedo dragon as my familiar, can I reroll?
5. You know after playing one, Druids really do suck.
4. My Paladin could never do that, it just is against his nature
3. Hey cool my familiar is a toad, just what I always wanted
2. Say why don’t we just put these books down and go to a bar and go trolling for chicks?
1. But isnt that kinda like cheating?
10. Pee Wees’ gripping hand
9. Dispel sphincter
8. Protection from Jehovah's Witnesses
7. Charm dirt (do not confuse dirt with any elemental, just plain old dirt)
6. Spell of “manhood removal” this evil spell is known only to females, i.e. Lorayna Bobbitt
5. Any spell having anything to do with the Spice Girls
4. Shit fire spell (does more harm than good.)
3. Protection from the IRS
2. Summon one really pissed off old badger
1. Phantasmal food
These lists made possible through the one and only, Glon Pann Dovi