I had a request to write a story that tied in with Season 5’s premier, "Night". Not one to back away from a challenge, I decided to take it.
Dedicated to Calea, who asked for this.
Disclaimer: Paramount owns all. Good. But only if they keep up with the smash they began with this episode.
She stood and walked over to Chakotay. "Could I see you in my ready room?" Her voice quiet and reserved. He nodded and followed her. She immediately went to the upper level and stared out into the stars, rejoicing silently in their presence.
"I owe you the biggest apology," she began. "I treated you unfairly the past couple of months. I’ve said things that I should have never said." Chakotay began to object, but she silenced him. "Please, let me finish. I’ve been selfish and childish. Yet, you never pressed me." She took a deep breath and ran a hand through her hair. "I suppose I just want to say thank you."
"You don’t owe me anything, Kathryn." Chakotay said, stepping up behind her, keeping a respectful distance. "I think we overlook the fact that you’re not just the captain, but you’re also human. To be honest, I’m surprised you hadn’t did something sooner."
Kathryn sighed and placed her hand on her hip. "Chakotay, the fact of the matter is, I should have been here for the crew, not wallowing in self pity. I don’t want to let them down."
Chakotay took her shoulders and turned her around to face him. "Kathryn, you haven’t let anyone down. This crew believes in you, has faith in you. You saw how they reacted when you wanted to take a shuttle and stay out here to close the vortex. None would let you do it."
"Which brings me to another point," Kathryn began. "You told them. How did you know what I was going to do?"
Chakotay looked down to the floor, not quite wanting to meet her gaze. "I had talked to Tuvok about your behavior." He said, barely above a whisper.
"Tuvok? About what?" Kathryn asked, trying to catch his gaze.
"About the state you were in. He told me you had done went out on your own during your first command, to prove to yourself and the injured crew members that you weren’t going to let some accident keep you from fulfilling your mission; that you were doing it for them."
"That couldn’t have been the only thing that tipped you off."
Chakotay looked at her fully. "No, it wasn’t. It was in your quarters, when you asked if I were ready to captain Voyager. I knew what you were thinking."
"Chakotay, you know me *too* well." Kathryn smiled at him. He was glad to see it. "Actually, if I *had* been thinking, I’d have realized that you’d gotten us through here safely so far. You are an excellent commander and if it ever presented itself, I know you’d make a terrific captain. Sometimes, I forget that you did my job under very different circumstances."
"I hope it never comes to that, me taking over for you." He whispered. His hand moved as if to caress her face, but he stopped short.
"Well, anyway. I owe you." Kathryn said. A mischievous grin spread across her face. "Is the offer still open for a game of Velocity?"
"You know it is, Kathryn. Three hours worth." Chakotay’s face took on his playful grin, the one that was just enough to bring out his dimples. "You think you are up for the challenge?"
"Of course I am. You’re easier to defeat then the Borg."
"Kathryn, I’m going to make you eat your words."
"We’ll see. Let’s meet on the holodeck in two hours."
"I’ll be there."
**
Chakotay was just programming the holodeck for their game when Kathryn came around the corner, ready to play and ready for action. She was outfitted in a royal blue tunic that was sleeveless and black leggings. She had on what Chakotay had dubbed her ‘ass-kicking’ boots.
"Well, commander. Are you ready to have your butt beat?" Chakotay looked down at her.
"Not unless you are." Chakotay said, opening the doors and ushering Kathryn ahead of him. "Be prepared, Kathryn. I’m not going to go easy on you."
"Oh, you mean that the other times that we play, you haven’t given me your all?" Kathryn looked back over her shoulder at him and smirked.
"Not at all. It’s just that you are so adamant about wanting to see action again, I thought I’d give you a real challenge."
"You’re on!" Kathryn said, setting the computer to her specifications for Velocity. "Care to make a side wager on this game?"
"What have you got in mind?"
Kathryn stood in front of him, one hand on her hip, the other dangling at her side with the phaser in it. "If I win a majority of the seven sets, you have to cook me dinner for a week."
"Too easy." Chakotay said. "Can’t you think of anything better?"
"Give me a few days on that one. What do you want if you win the majority?"
Chakotay mulled it over for a few moments. "Holodeck program of my choice."
"Chakotay, talk about thinking of something better."
Chakotay got a strange look in his eye. "Ah, but there is more. You didn’t let me finish. My choice of hologram, but you leave ‘captain’ on the bridge and you follow my lead."
"Fine." Kathryn said, narrowing her eyes at him. She turned on her heel and walked back to the other side of the room. She turned and bent her knees, taking aim and readying herself. Chakotay stood across from her, ready to take aim.
**
*Zip*
*fire*
*grunt*
"*Damn it.*"
"Can’t. . ." ragged breath. "take. . .the heat?"
*dodge*
"Of course I can!" *grunt*
They each dodged the disk. Playing off one of Kathryn’s shots, Chakotay ducked, rolled over on his back, came up on a knee and shot the disk. Using the chance, he sat back on his leg to catch his breath. Unfortunately, when one, or in this case two, don’t watch what they’re doing, things happen.
Kathryn backed up, unaware that Chakotay had not moved from his last move. He looked up just in time to see Kathryn stepping backwards, right toward his extended leg.
"Kathryn! Watch ou. . ." He said, but too late. Kathryn, while trying to take a shot, backed up, tripping over his leg. As she fell, he reached up and he caught her, but the momentum bowled him over with her.
"Computer! End game!" Kathryn grunted. Chakotay’s arm was under her and she had hers locked securely over his shoulder. She looked up at him and grinned. "Computer, what is the final score?"
"The final score is tied." The computer replied.
"Computer, who has one a majority of the games?" Chakotay asked, looking over Kathryn’s shoulder to the floor.
"Chakotay, eight games. Janeway, eight games."
Kathryn looked up and met Chakotay’s look. "Well, do we go for a tie breaker or call it even?"
"We had a wager."
Kathryn looked at him and narrowed her eyes. "So we did. ‘*You’ll not win this night.*’"
Chakotay raised an eyebrow. "What is *that* supposed to mean?" Neither had moved since they had ended up in this position.
"Simply, that you nor I won." Kathryn smiled, one of many she’d given since Voyager had come back into the open space cluttered with stars. "However, since we had a wager, I’ll make you a proposal. You have to cook me dinner, but we’ll eat in a holoprogram of your choice. Does that sound fair?"
Chakotay chuckled. "Sure. Why not?" He started laughing in earnest. This started Kathryn off. "Why. . ." Chakotay said between breaths. "didn’t…you tell me. . . like it. . .so fa—fast and. . .fur—furious?"
"It never came up." She said, laughing every bit as hard. "The more fast and furious, the better!" They both fell into peels of laughter. As they began calming down, the air about them electrified. He looked at her, she caught his eye and was drawn in.
They moved closer, almost touching when they heard the doors open.
"Captain. Commander." Seven said, oblivious to what she had just interrupted. The two pulled slowly apart, each covering their almost moment with comments such as ‘are you all right?’ and ‘did I hurt you?’ and ‘clumsy me.’
"Yes, Seven?" Kathryn asked. She stepped away from Chakotay’s protective hold and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.
"I just wanted to inform you that we will be entering a star system with three Class-M planets."
"Thank you, Seven." Kathryn smiled, glad that her embarrassment was hidden by the fact that it looked as if they had just finished a game. "Well, if you will excuse us."
"Of course, captain." Chakotay and Kathryn exited the holodeck and started walking slowly toward their quarters.
"Well, Chakotay. It was. . .interesting." Kathryn said, stopping at her door.
"Uh, yes. It was. So, any idea when you want to do this double wager pay off?" Chakotay said.
"Soon. I think I need to get in touch with my crew again." She keyed the door. "Chakotay, about what almost happened on the holodeck. . ."
"I know." He ran a hand through his hair. "Probably be best if we thought about it, maybe talk about it later."
"Agreed." She stepped into her room and turned back. "You know, you’re really a good opponent. You keep me on my toes."
"One of my duties as your first officer. ‘Rule 2: A First Officer shall keep his/her/it captain on his/her/it toes at all times.’"
"I’ll keep that in mind." And Kathryn disappeared behind her closed doors.
Chakotay continued to his quarters, entering the semi darkness. He ordered a glass of water from the replicator and sat down with it. He kept replaying the moment in his mind. As he showered and went to bed, the moment kept repeating, each time, getting a little further.
His dreams were good that night.
In the quarters next door, Kathryn slept as well. One hand over her stomach, the other in the empty spot beside her. On her face, a smile as her dreams kept repeating the moment again and again.
**
Chakotay entered the mess hall the next morning. Neelix appeared from behind the counter. "Well, good morning, commander. Sleep well?"
"Actually, Neelix. I did." Chakotay gave the Talaxian a smile. "How about you? No more jitters?"
"No, commander. Being in open space again has given me back my courage." Neelix leaned in a little closer to Chakotay. "Commander, may I ask you something?"
"Sure, Neelix."
"What is a ‘cowardly lion’? Tom said I reminded him of a cowardly lion."
Chakotay began laughing. "Neelix, don’t worry. You’re far from that. And, I know for a fact that the cowardly lion found his courage."
"He did?" Neelix rubbed his hands on his apron. "Well, then. I guess I was suspicious over nothing." Neelix gave Chakotay’s arm a couple of slaps. "Enjoy your breakfast, commander."
Chakotay took his tray and headed toward a corner table. He situated himself so that he could see out the window. He liked watching the stars pass and especially now, he appreciated the view even more. He was daydreaming, therefore not noticing the figure that stood beside him.
"Mind if I join you?" Kathryn said. Her hands contained her food tray and a couple of Padd’s.
"Of course not." Chakotay said, looking up at her and smiling. He pulled his own tray closer to himself so Kathryn had plenty of room.
"You looked a million miles away, Chakotay. You’ve never been one to daydream." Kathryn said, picking up her fork and cutting into her stack of pancakes.
"Just happy to see stars again, that’s all." He took a drink of coffee. "It got awful monotonous staring at the same inky black. . .day in, day out." He looked over her shoulder, so he didn’t notice her look. "Tom even suggested running something on the screen, just to cut the boredom."
"Leave it to Tom." Kathryn said, somewhat absently.
"Then again, he’s been dragging just about everyone into his ‘Captain Proton’ program."
"I’ve heard the stories." Kathryn replied. She pulled out a Padd.
"What are you looking at?" Chakotay asked.
"Just catching up. Actually, leaving you in command wasn’t so bad. I hardly have anything to catch up on."
"Well, it wasn’t *that* difficult, considering that there wasn’t anything to do. I think the only ones who really enjoyed the solitude were Tuvok, Vorik and Seven."
"It would be those three." Kathryn said, rolling her eyes.
Chakotay continued. "Even the doctor seemed more cranky then usual." Kathryn began laughing over this one.
"Really? I wonder what a cranky hologram looks like?"
"I don’t want to know." Chakotay said. A silence descended upon them, each caught up in their own thoughts.
"Captain?" Chakotay asked.
"Yes, Chakotay?" She said. She almost knew what he was going to say.
"Last night, on the holodeck. . .what exactly happened between us?" Chakotay asked quietly.
Kathryn set her chin on her fist. "To be honest, I don’t know." She looked past his shoulder. "We have a bargain to pay up. We could discuss it tonight."
Chakotay nodded and got up. "Well, I’m heading for the bridge. See you there?"
Kathryn smiled and picked up her coffee cup. "See you on the bridge." Chakotay left the mess hall and Kathryn sat and thought.
**
Kathryn approached the holodeck, curious as to what Chakotay had picked for his holodeck program. She shifted the basket she carried, containing their dinner, in her hand. She approached the holodeck, her mind drifting over every possible idea he could come up with.
She opened the doors to one scene she hadn’t expected. . .especially from Chakotay.
"Golden Gate Park." She said, slightly breathless.
"Yes. I thought of something that we’d both be familiar with." He said, stepping from behind her.
She walked around, taking in the view and the sunshine; even the light breeze coming up from the bay. "You know how much time I spent here when I attended the academy?" She asked.
"No. But if you enjoyed the solitude as much as I did, then you spent a great deal of time there."
"Ah, so the truth is revealed." She said. She walked a bit, then pointed to a tree. " I used to climb up that tree and study up there. You know, out of sight, out of mind?"
"Yep. I had a little enclosure over there," Chakotay said pointing to an area not far from her tree. "it was pretty quiet. I used it a lot."
They walked a while, then found a spot that was private, yet held a breathtaking view. They ate and chatted about everything and anything, skirting around what had happened the night before. The leaned back, their heads touching, as the sun set and the stars came into view. They stared at them, pointing to various ones and debating about how others got their names. Soon, their conversation quieted and within a few minutes, the computer informed them that their time on the holodeck was up.
As they gathered the remnants of their dinner, Chakotay brought up the subject that had just been lingering under the surface. "Kathryn, we never talked about what happened last night."
"I know," she said. "Why don’t you come to my quarters with me and we can discuss it."
They said nothing else as they walked to her quarters. Once inside, she ordered the lights to come up full. Kathryn set the basket on her desk and was surprised that when she turned around, Chakotay was standing at her window, the one she’d stood at when he’d come to her a few days before.
His posture was relaxed, his arms behind his back.
"Penny for your thoughts," Kathryn said, coming up quietly behind him and looking out toward the stars as well.
"I was thinking of our conversation," he began.
"Which one?" Kathryn asked.
"The one when I came in here to tell you that we’d been reading the radiation," Chakotay said, quietly, not looking at Kathryn.
"Oh, that one," Kathryn said, a crooked smile gracing her lips. He didn’t continue for a few minutes and Kathryn was beginning to become worried.
"Chakotay?"
"You were wrong, you know," he said flatly.
"What do you mean, *I* was wrong?" Kathryn asked.
"*You* made the decision to stay? *You* made the choice for everyone?" Chakotay turned and looked at her. "*You* didn’t do it alone, Kathryn."
"Yes, I did," she countered.
"I was of sound mind, Kathryn. I could have said something, overpowered your crew. But I didn’t," Chakotay said, turning fully toward her. "I knew what had to be done and I agreed with the decision *you* made."
"It was *my* choice, Chakotay. I’m the captain," she said.
"Yes, you are the captain. But so was I. I wasn’t your first officer yet. I made the decision as well," Chakotay said.
"You said nothing, one way or the other."
Chakotay smiled, rolled his eyes and focused again on Kathryn. "Don’t you, after all this time, know me in the slightest?" He took her upper arms gently in his grasp. "After the doctor had treated B’Elanna and me, we went back to *Liberty*. I sent my crew over here to Voyager for protection. I set my ship on a course that would destroy it. I never said a word on the bridge when you announced that you were going to destroy the Array to keep the Ocampa alive."
"You couldn’t," Kathryn said, her eyes filling with tears. "You became part of this ship the minute you beamed over."
"No, I could have stopped you, but all those years of training came back to me. All those encounters with different species. I didn’t join the Maquis to destroy life, Kathryn. I joined it to preserve those that couldn’t defend themselves against the Cardassians."
"That was different," Kathryn said, searching his face.
"No. Same thing. The needs of the many outweighing the needs of the few or the one. One of the greatest quotes of Starfleet history." Chakotay smiled down at Kathryn, slowly moving his arms up to her shoulders, then up to her neck, finally coming to rest on cheeks. "*We* made that decision, Kathryn. *We* made the choice for our respective crews."
"But it was short-sighted, selfish…"
"Then we were *both* short-sighted and selfish," Chakotay said, leaning down and brushing his lips across hers. He pulled away and looked again into her eyes. "That, is what would have happened on the holodeck last night."
Kathryn reached up and took his hand. "I guess I could be wrong. Now that you’ve said something, I realize that I wasn’t in this alone, haven’t been since the beginning." Kathryn led him to the couch where they sat, hands clasped between them.
"So, we are both lost souls of the night," Kathryn said.
"No, not lost souls anymore. We have each other to turn to when we need to vent our frustrations," he said, smiling. "Besides, night, as I’ve learned over the years, gives way to day. A new day with no mistakes."
Kathryn smiled and squeezed his hand. He reciprocated.
Lost souls had found their way.
*Finish*