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I have been floating aimlessly for the past few months. Well, if I was real honest, I would have to admit that it has been years that I have been drifting like a piece of wood ;) After perfecting the art of going with the flow, I always assumed that it is the only way to go. I have always been dead proud of myself about it too. The laid back, cool Sheri. Not much care in the world. Unlike my sister, the organised and all-round action woman, Rash. She with her real ambitions and solid visions of the future. She who kept fielding me with queries of my future. And she to whom I always smugly replied, "Well Rash, not everyone has plans like u do. Some, like me, are happy to go with the flow." Well.. that is until now.. You could say it is an early life crisis ;), but here I am 24 going on 25 in exactly a month's time. And yet, I have done nothing to even rave about. Sure, I have got a good honours degree. I am charming, pretty, talented or so I've been constantly told ;) But what matters most to me is this... I have done nothing that I am personally proud of. Nothing which gives me personal satisfaction. No one achievement that I really, really, really want. This lack of satisfaction has been getting to me for a few months now. Resulting in demotivation in my part. But after some major insights .. don't ask ;) it suddenly occured to me. The reason why I've not been achieving much is that by letting things happen naturally, I forgot to take control of my own life. I forgot to do what I always thought I am a wizz at. I simply have forgotten to dream. Thus, I have no goals to work upon. Nothing to aspire to become. It has made me become the aimless, demotivated and frustrated being that is me. I was never always like that though. I remembered going through my teenage diaries a few months ago when i just got back from London. I was surprised to discover this list of ambitions that I had set upon myself: (1) Get out of this country. Study overseas. (2) Be classy, well dressed and immaculate. (3) Be popular in school. (4) Go to KL with the girls without parents, using my own money. I also remembered back then, at 14, these ambitions seemed far reaching. So grand and unachievable. "Is it possible that I, the nerdish, unsophisticated, protected daddy's girl, can achieve all these??" Maybe it's sheer determination. Maybe it's blissful ignorance. But I DID manage to fulfil those four goals. True, it took me what... about ten years to make it all come true. So, I guess you can say that I have come a long, long way. But it also proves to me one thing. That my dreams, no matter how big or seemingly impossible, can be achieved. With this knowledge, it took me a whole night to ponder on my future. So, I dreamt big. Something I have neglected doing for years now. Right now, I am happpy to admit that at 24, I have set myself a new list of ambitions. And it goes to something like this. (1)I will pursue a career in Fashion Buying (2)Run my Image Consultancy Business by 35. (3)Be a Millionaire by 40. (4)Be Married by 30. With 2 kids by 34. (5)Learn French by 27 and Spanish by 30. (6)Travel to another country at least once a year. (7)Be Beautiful, inside and out. Long list, no? :) I am cringing, too, I have to admit. I am pretty uncertain and all i can think of at this point in time is "Is it possible that I, the inexperienced, commitment phobic, naive, wide-eyed, Sheri, am able to achieve all these?" I wish i could confidently say yes. But that would be a lie :) I am scared, big time. Cos these dreams seemed like a loonnnnnggg shot to me. But then again, that was what my 14 year old self said about my dreams ten years ago, didn't she? ;) So I guess, all I need now is a hint of determination and a touch of blissful ignorance... 
Wish me luck :)! Sheri 4th March 2001 
Tell me What U Think What are your Goals?? Delite me :)  Open Elle's Box! 
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