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The journey so far for Gary Oldman

He described his latest film, Lost in Space, as not his "cup of tea", his last film, Air Force One, as lacking in realism and his own production, Nil By Mouth, as "flawed".

Actor Gary Oldman is rapidly becoming Hollywood's favourite baddie, but behind the scenes, as he told BBC's Hardtalk, there is a real desire to do something good.

Mr Oldman's journey to find satisfaction has taken him through alcohol addiction, feelings of loss and abandonment and professional discontent.

And now it seems the fire to act is dying out.

"Acting at its lowest level is not intellectual, it's a sensation, it's a feeling," Mr Oldman said. "I've lost the fire for it, I think."

It is no secret that his latest role as a villain, Dr Zachary Smith in Lost in Space, was to fund his own film, Nil By Mouth.

But it is not his love of acting that has gone, but some of the motivation and energy to do it.

"Whatever it is that possesses me to get out there and act, write or direct, if I don't do that then my heart will stop beating because that is who I am.

"However, I haven't acted for a year since Lost in Space, and I'm not chomping at the bit to get back to it," Mr Oldman said.

Evil doings

In the past, Mr Oldman has played some memorable, if unsavoury, characters: the lead role in Bram Stoker's Dracula and a Russian hijacker in Air Force One.

But it was his performance as the fearsome heroin addict and rock star, Sid Vicious, in Sid and Nancy, that gave him his first big break.

Mr Oldman said: "I saw it and thought here was my big break into movies but I just didn't like my performance in it, I just thought I wasn't very good.

"I thought this is it, I've had my chance and I've blown it."

But that was not the case. The film was a success on both sides of the Atlantic and shot Gary Oldman into fame.

He now acknowedges that the role changed his life, but he said he never aimed to engineer an acting career as a villain or a disturbed man.

And of his past roles, Dracula is the only one that Mr Oldman mentions as demanding something from him. It was in this film that he learned how to weep in scenes.

"I've likened acting to a snowshaker. It's a strange job. You go in and you have to shake up all these emotions, you have to shake yourself up," he said.

Changing life cycles

The most recent emotional jolt for Mr Oldman was making Nil By Mouth, which mirrors many of his personal experiences and centres around his father, who was a heavy drinker.

Much of the film was also shot in the locations in south London where Mr Oldman grew up. Although he denies that making the film was in any way cathartic, he does say that he needed to revisit the "emotional well" of the film.

He has now understood that most of his past anger was at his father, and the low self-esteem brought about by his father's departure.

He said: "You blame you. You think it's your fault: if he loved me then why did he leave me?"

He even traces his alcoholism back to his father's own addiction.

"It's like a blueprint, a genetic one. Even though he left when I was very young and I didn't see him or know him, in my adult life, it's like I'm walking in his shoes and making all the same mistakes," Mr Oldman said.

But today, having recovered from alcoholism, he said he has turned his life around. That he is remarried with a young son, he added, is a "miracle".

But there is always something better, as far as his work is concerned. When asked what it is he is looking for in life, Mr Oldman is amused: "I guess to be satisfied, but maybe we can't have that so that is what keeps driving me.

"I want to be happy. I want to look at a piece of work and say, that's it, that was what was in my head, that is why I did this."

Like Nil By Mouth? "For me, it's flawed," Mr Oldman said. But self-criticism, he said, is what gets the best out of him.

(Courtesy of the BBC)

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