RADIO RESEARCH COMMUNICATIONS UNIT VIETNAM MEMORIES AND THINGS

"THE LIFERS PRAYER"

  "OUR HONCHO, WHO ART IN WASHINGTON, HOLLOW BE THY FAME.
NY PROMOTION COME, THY WILL BE DONE IN THE ARMY AS IT IS IN TEXAS.
GIVE US THES DAY OUR DAILY BENNIES, AND MAKE US NOT
CIVILIANS BUT DELIVER US FROM REALITY, FOR THINE IS THE ARMY,
THE AIR FORCE AND THE NAVY, FOREVER AND EVER, TEN HUT!"

 


                   
	THE TWENTY-THIRD AR"

"THE ARMY IS MY CRUTCH, I SHALL NOT THINK, IT ALLOWETH ME TO
LIE DOWN ON MY RESPONSIBILITY. IT LEADETH ME BLINDLY, IT DESTROYETH
MY INITIATIVE, IT LEADETH ME IN THE PATH OF THE PARASITE FOR MY
COUNTRY'S SAKE, YEA, THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF LAZINESS,
I SHALL FEAR NO LACK OF ACHIEVEMENT."


 



THE TEN COMMANDMENTS"
 

1.  THOU SHALT NOT THINK
2.  THOU SHALT NOT PLACE THY HANDS IN THY POCKETS
3.  THOU SHALT KNOW THE CHAIN OF COMMAND AND ALL OTHER MISSING LINKS
4.  THOU SHALT NOT LAUGH AT SECOND LIEUTENATS
5.  THOU SHALT NOT USE WORDS BEYOUND THE COMPREHENSION OF NCO'S
6.  THOU SHALT NOT DO THINGS IN A REASONALBE MANNER
7.  THOU SHALT FEAR THOSE OF HIGHER RANK AND >SCORN THOSE OF LOWER RANK
8.  THOU SHALT NOT LAUGH AT RE-UP POSTERS
9.  THOU SHALT NOT SPEAK WITHOUT USING PROFANITY
10. THOU SHALT BELIEVE IN THE NONEXISTING ARMY BENNIES

 



KING OF THE ZIPS ((SUNG TO THE TUNE OF THE "KING OF THE ROAD"))

SHOWER SHOES FOR SALE OR RENT
BY LE-O'S FOR FIFTY CENTS
UNDERWEAR OR CIGATETTES
HE'S EVEN TRIED MONOPLY SETS
ANY THING THAT AINT TIED DOWN
YOU IKNOW HE'LL PACK IT RIGHT DOWN TOWN

HE'S A MAN OF MEANS
((TO THESE SIAGON QUEENS))
KING OF THE ZIPS

HE SELLS EM T-SHIRTS HE HAS FOUND
YOUR ARMY BLANKETTS GREEN OR BROWN
FATIGUE SUITS, ARMY BOOTS
HE'LL EVEN SELL EM WATERED DOWN BOOZE

HE'S A MAN IF MANST
((TO THESE SIAGON QUEENS))
KING OF THE ZIPS

HE STEELS UNDER WEAR FROM CHICKEN MAN
SHOWER SHOES WERE EVER HE CAN
APPLES, ORANGES FROM THE OLD MESS HALL
AND IF YOUR LOCKER AINT LOCKED
YOU'LL HAVE NOTHING AT ALL

HE'S A MAN OF MEANS
((TO THESE SIAGON QUEENS))
KING OF THE ZIPS

HE KNOWS EVERY BROAD
IN EVERY SHOP
GETS ALL THEIR PIASTERS
ALL THAT THEY GOT
HE'S GOT EVERY THING THE PX DON'S GOT
AND ITS PROBABLY YOURS LIKE IT OR NOT

HE'S A MAN OF MEANS
((TO THESE SIAGON QUEENS))
KING OF THE ZIPS


 



DEAR FRIENDS

     WE HAVE THE DISTINGUISED HONOR OF BEING AMONG MEMBERS
OF A COMMITTE TO RAISE FIVE MILLION DOLLARS TO BE USED 
FOR PLACING A STATUE OF L.B.J. IN THE HALL OF FAME.

    THIS COMMITTEE WAS IN A QUANDRY ABOUT SELECTING
THE PROPER LOCATION FOR THE STATUE, IT WAS NOT THOUGHT
WISE TO PLACE IT BESIDE GEORGE WASHINGTON, WHO NEVER TOLD
A LIE; NOR BESIDE THAT OF F.D.R. WHO NEVER TOLD THE 
TRUTH, SINCE L.B.J. COULD NEVER TELL THE DIFFERENCE.

    AFTER CAREFUL CONSIDERATION, WE THOUGHT THE STATUE
SHOULD BE PLACED NEXT TO CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS, THE GREATEST
NEW DEALER OF THEM ALL. HE STARTED OUT NOT KNOWING WHERE HE
WAS GOING, AND UPON ARIVING DID NOT KNOW WHERE HE WAS, AND
HE DID IT ALL ON BORROWED MONEY.

    5,000 YEARS AGO, MOSES SAID TO THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL,
"PICK UP YOUR SHOVELS, MOUNT YOUR ASSES AND CAMELS, AND
I WILL LEAD YO TO THE PROMISED LAND". NEARLY 5,000 YEARS 
LATER F.D.R. SAID "LAY DOWN YOUR SHOVELS, SIT ON YOUR ASSES
THIS IS THE PROMISED LAND." NOW L.B.J. IS STEALING YOUR SHOVELS
KICKING YOUR ASSES, TAKING THE PROMISED LAND, AND RAISING THE
PRICE OF CAMELS.

SO IF YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE PRIVILEGED CITIZENS WHO HAS 
MONEY LEFT AFTER TAXES, WE EXPECT A GENEROUS CONTRIBUTION

				THE COMMITTEE




 

			WHAT IS A SOLDIER

BETWEEN THE SECURITY OF CHILDHOOD AND THE INSECURITY OF SECOND 
CHILDHOOD, WE FIND A FASINATING GROUP OF HUMAITY CALLED SOLDIERS

THEY COME IN ASSORTED SIZES, WEIGHTS, AND STATES OF SOBRIETY.
THEY CAN BE FOUND ANYWHERE ON SHIPS, IN BARS, ON LEAVE, IN LOVE AND
ALWAYS IN DEBT.

GIRLS LOVE THEM, TOWNS TOERATE THEM AND THE GOVERNMENT SUPPORTS
THEM.

A SOLDIER IS LAZINESS WITH  DECK OF CARDS, BRAVERY WITH TATTOOED
ARM AND THE PROTECTOR OF THE WORLD WITH A COPY OF PLAYBOY.

HE HAS THE ENERGY OF A TURTLE, THE SLYNESS OF A FOX, THE BRANS OF AN 
IDIOT, THE STORIES OF WAR, THE SINCERITY OF A LIAR, THE INSPIRATIONS OF
A CASANOVA AND WHEN HE WANTS SOMETHING IT US USUALLY CONNECTED WITH A 
PASS.

SOME OF HIS LIKES ARE WOMEN, GIRLS, FEMALES, DAMES, AND THE
OPPOSITE SEX.
HE DISLIKES ANSWERING LETTERS, WEARING HIS UNIFORM, SUPERIOR OFFICERS,
THE CHOW, AND GETTING UP IN THE MORNING.

NO ONE ELSE CAN CARRY ALL THIS IN ONE POCKET: A LIGHTR, A PACK OF
CRUSHED CIGARETTES, I.D. CARD, A COMB, A CHURCH KEY, A BOTTLE OF GIN
AND WHAT IS LEFT OF LAST MONTH'S PANY.
HE LIKES TO SPEND HIS PAY ON GIRLS, BOOZE, SOME ON POKER ANT THE
REST FOOLISHLY.

A SOLDER IS A MAGIC CREATURE. YOU CAN LOCK HIM OUT OF YOUR HOME 
BUT NOT OUT OF YOUR HEART; YOU CAN SCRATCH HIM OFF YOUR MAILING
LIST, BUT NOT OUT OF YOU MIND, YOU MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP TRYING
TO DISPOSE OF HIM, FOR YOU KNOW HE IS YOUR LONG-FROM-HOME
SWEETHEART WHO CAN HARDLY WAIT UNTIL HE IS ONCE MORE CALLED MR.

 



VIET NAM -- "66 -- 67"


JUST ACROSS THE BIG WIDE OCEAN
VIET NAM THEY CALL THE SPOT
WHERE WE ARE DOOMED TO SPEND OUR TIME
IN THE LAND THAT GOD FORGOT

OUT IN THE MUD AND RAIN
WHERE A MAN GETS BLUE
RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE
TEN THOUSAND MILES FROM YOU

WE SWEAT AND FREEZE AND SHIVER
TIS MORE THAN A MAN CAN STAND
WE ARE NOT SURPOSED TO BE CONVICTS
JUST DEFENDERS OF OUR LAND

WE ARE SOLDIERS OF THE ASA
EARNING OUR MEARGER PAY
PROTECTING THE GUYS WITH MILLIONS
FOR A LOUSY TWO FIFTY A DAY

LIVING WITH OUR MENORIES 
AND PARTED FROM OUR GALS
HOPEING THAT WHILE WE ARE PARTED
THEY DON'T MARRY OUR FOUR F PALS

NOBODY KNOWS WE ARE LIVING
NOBODY GIVES A DAM
AT HAVE WE ARE FORGOTTEN
WE BELONG TO UNCLE SAM

THE TIME WE SPEND IN THE ARMY
IS PART OF OUR LIVES WE HAVE MISSED
SO BOYS DONT LET THEM DRAFT YOU
AND FOR GODS SAKE DONT ENLIST

BUT AS WE PAST BY THOSE PEARLY GATES 
WE WILL HEAR SAINT PETER YELL
FALL IN YOU GUYS FROM THE 509TH
YOU HAVE SERVED YOUR TIME IN HELL


 


                ODE TO A SAIGON WARRIOR
       (SUNG TO THE TUNE OF SWEET BETSY FROM PIKE)



SAIGON, SAIGON A WONDERFUL PLACE
BUT THE ORGANIZATION'S A GOD DAM DISGRACE
THERE'S CAPTIANS AND MAJORS AND LIGHT COLONELS TOO
WITH THEIR HANDS UP HEIR ASS HOLDS AND NOTHING TO DO

THEY SIT AT THEIR DESKS AND THEY SCREAM AND THEY SHOUT
THEY TALK OF THE WAR THEY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT
AGAINST THE V.C. THEY ARE NOT DOING WELL
BUT IF PAPER WERE CORDITE WE'D BE BLOWN TO HELL

A SAIGON COMMANDO, AN UNUSUAL SIGHT
HE WEARS HIS FATIGUES THO HE'S NOT IN A FIGHT
A KNIFE AND PISTOL, HIS DAILY MOTIF
BUT YOU'LL FIND HIM FOR LUNCH AT THE CIRCLE SPROTIF

THE SAIGON WARRIORS ALL DRAW COMBAT PAY
AND IN SAIGON FOR THE YEAR THEY WILL STAY
THEY WON'T LEAVE THE COMPOUND, JUST SIT AT THE BAR
THEY DRAW THE SAME PAY BUT THEY DON'T FIGHT THE WAR

WHEN WE GO TO SAIGON TO VISIT THE CREW
THEY'RE ALL UPSET 'CAUSE OUR  BRASS ISN'T NEW
WE ASK FOR MORE WEAPONS AND THEY THINK WE'RE IN FUN
THEY KNOW THE ADVISORS DON'T CARRY A GUN

MOST SAIGON WARRIORS ALL WEAR BRONZE STARS
THEY GOT THEM FOR WRITING REPORTS ON THE WAR
THEY'VE NEVER BEN SHOT AT, NOR SEEN A V.C.
BUT THEY KNOW THEY DESERVE IT, THEY WORK FOR MAC V

WHEN THIS WAR IS OVER AND WE ALL GO HOME 
WE'LL MEET SAIGON WARRIORS WHEREVER WE ROME
WE'LL KNOW THEM BY SIGHT, THEY'RE NOT IN OUR CLASS
FOR THEY DON'T HAVE THE SHITS, JUST A BIG CHAIRBORNE ASS!!


 




FROM:  HEADDQUARTERS
RADIO RESEARCH COMM UNIT, VIETNAM
APO SAN FRANCISCO 96307>

BE IT KNOWN AMONGST ALL MEN, WOMEN, CHILDERN, AND 
ANIMALS OF A CIVILIZED NATURE THAT ON OR ABOUT
 __________________  IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD ________, 
THERE WILL BE RELESED BACK INTO CIVILIZATION A SUN
 BAKED, WATER LOGGED AND SLIGHTLY UNSTABLE
 INDIVIDUAL KNOW AMONG HIS FRIENDS AND
 LOVER ONES AS _____________________ THIS POOR
 UNFORTUNATE SOUL WHO JUST OVER THREE
 YEARS AGO WAS A NORMAL AND UPSTANDING MEMBER OF 
SOCIETY IS ABOUT TO DEPART FROM THE PLEASANT
 LITTLE STRAW HOUSES AND OPEN SEWER DITCHES OF 
VIETNAM.
  

THE KNOWLEDGE THAT HE MUST LEAVE HAS CAUSED HIM
 TO BECOME MOST IRRATIONAL AND AT TIMES
 (NIGHTLY) HE HAS BEEN KNOWN TO INDULGE IN THE 
CONSUMMPTION OF ALCOHOLIC STIMULANTS TO A POINT
 OF SLIGHT INNEBRIATION.  ALL THIS TENDS TO
 INDICATE THAT HE HAS ADJUSTED HIS PATTERN OF LIFE TO 
THIS PARADISE OF SOUTHEAST ASIA.
 

 THEREFORE TAKE SPECIAL NOTICE OF THE FOLLOWING
 WORDS OF ADVICE AND HEED THESE WARNINGS, IT IS 
ESSENTIAL TO THE WELFARE AND CONTINUANCE OF
 
CIVILIZATION.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED !!!!!!!!!!!


1. GET YOUR WOMEN, CHILDREN AND ALL DOMESTIC
 ANIMALS WHO ARE BEYOND DEFEDING THEMSELVES

  OFF THE STREETS,  HIDE ALL ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES 
AND/OR LIQUORS.  AFTER A REASONABLE   PERIOD OF
 TIME (AT LEAST SIX MONTHS) HE CAN SLOWLY, I REPEAT, SLOWLY BE EXPOSED TO THE  ABOVE.


2. THIS PERSON HAS SURVIED THE WORST AND MEANEST
 THE WORLD HAS TO PUT FORWARD.  RAIN,
  HEAT, WIND, RAIN, HEAT, FILFTH, RAIN, HEAT, MONSOONS, 
HURRICANS AND TYPHOONS, BE  KIND TO HIM.


3. BE HIS FRIEND, SON, FATHER, HUSBAND, BROTHER, OR
 SWEET HEART, UNFORTUNATELY HE IS  YOURS, HE
 MAY ACT AND LOOK PECULIAR AND DO STRANGE AND
 UNUSUAL THINGS WHICH AT TIMES  WILL BE HARD
 TO UNDERSTAND AND MAY EVEN SHOCK YOU BUT
 THAT IS TO BE EXPECTED AFTER  LIVING IN VIETNAM
 FOR TWELEVE MONTHS.   (THE GATEWAY TO
 SOUTHEAST ASIA, THE PARIS OF  THE ORIENT, AND
 THE RUINATIONS OF MANY A BETTER MAN.)


4. PAY NO ATTENTION WHEN HE STIRS SOY SAUCE IN HIS
 SOUP OR POTATOES OR MIXES SOME RAW  SNAILS WITH HISbr> RICE IN THE HOPES OF MAKING BOTH TASTE BETTER,
  HUMOR HIM WHEN HE  PREFERS CHOPSTICKS
 TO SILVERWARE, SLOPS HIS FOOD ALL
 OVER THE TABLE OR GOES   BAREFOOTED EVERYWHERE, 
AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND IF HE ACTS AS THOUGH THE
 WASTE BASIKET   HASN'T YET BEEN INVENTED.


5. DO NOT BE EMBARRASSED OR RUN AWAY IF HE DECIDES
 TO URINATE IN THE STREET WHILE  DOWNTOWN,
 OR SPENDS A HOUR ARGUING PRICES WITH MERCHANTS HOPING TO SAVE A PENNY OR 
  TWO, OR THREE..  HE WILL GET OVER THIS IN ABOUT TEN YEARS
 OR SO.

6. IT'S MOST LIKELY THAT HIS FIRST WORDS WILL BE
 SPOKEN IN A LOW SNEAKY WHISPER AFTER HE HAS
 CHECKED TO MAKE SURE HE CAN'T BE OVERHEARD,  HIS
 QUESTIONS WILL UNDOUBTLY BE   "WHERE CAN I CHANGE 
AMERICAN MONEY AND WHAT WILL BE THE RATE?"
  THIS MUST BE EXPLAINED.   HE IS TRYNG TO CHANGE 
AMERICAN DOLLARS INTO THE LOCAL CURRENCY IN THE
 MANNER IN WHICH  IS ACCUSTOMED ILLIGALLY AND PROFITABLEY.  HE WILL TRY TO SELL YOU EVERYTHING FROM GUM 
 TO A BOX OF TIDE FROM THE AMERICAN COMMISSARY.  
HE WILL FEAR THE POLICE AS HE IS JUST  LIKE THE REST OF US A MEMBER
 AND FIRM BELIEVER IN THE BLACK MARKET,  PLAN ON THIS AS  PART OF HIS
 REHABILITATION.

7. IF HE MUMBLES SUCH THINGS AS CHUO YOI, CHOW CO
, VIET CAY DINKEY DOW, TIPEO AND OTHER  OFF THE WALL 
REMARKS WHILE SLEEPING IGNORE THEM, UTS TI BE
 EXOECTED.

8. KEEP A CLOSE WATCH ON HIM WHILE HE IS BATHING, 
 HE IS NOT USED TO HOT WATER OR COMPLICATED THINGS
 LIKE A SHOWER STALL AND HAS COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN 
THE USE OF A BATHTUB.  IN  TIME AND WITH PROPER SUPERVISION AND INSTRUCTION 
HE WILL LEARN TO HANDLE THESE THINGS BY HIMSELF WITHOUT
 CAUSING HARM.

9. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES MENTION POWDERED MILK
 OR EGGS, DEHYDRATED POTATOES, FRIED RICE
 SOUP, SHINHOA, C-RATIONS AND ABOVE ALL NEVER LET 
HIM HEAR THE WORD "RE-ENLIST".

10. DON'T BE ALARMED IF HE STARES AT NYLONS, CHAIRS
, BEDS, MATTRESSES, AIR-CONDITIONERS   ELEVATORS, TALL BUILDINGS,
 SINKS, BATH TUBS, SMOOTH ROADS, OR GLASS WINDOWS.
 HE WILL  GET USED TO THESE THINGS AGAIN IN TIME.

11. CHANCES ARE HE WILL PREFER TO SLEEP ON A
 STRAW MAT AND BURN JOSS STICKS OR
 IF HE WAS   LUCKY HE WILL WANT A COT AND MOSQUITO NETTING
 WITH AN AIR MATTRESS,  FEW WERE FORTUNATE 
ENOUGH TO HAVE A BED,  HE WILL PROBABLY TAKE A SIESTA FROM NOON TO TWO DAILY.
  HUMOR  HIM.

12. DRIVING CARS IS DEFINITELY OUT OF THE QUESTION,
 EVEN WHILE CROSSING THE STREET HE SHOULD BE 
WATCHED HE HAS BECOME IMPARTIAL OFTEN INDIFFERENT AND
 COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS TO SUCH TRAFFIC HAZARDS AS
 CARS, HORSES, CYCLOS, BICYCLES, SCOOTERS, THE HORSE WAGON
 WATER BUFFALO, AND OTHER THINGS NORMALLY FOUND ON
 THE STREETS.

13. BRIEF ALL HIS FRIENDS NO TO ASK SUCH QUESTIONS < br>AS "HOW IS THE MAIL SITUATION OVER THERE?"  "DID IT
 RAIN MUCH OR WAS IT NICE?"  NEVER OFFER HIM A
 DRINK OR ASK HIM TO BUY ONE, ABOVE ALL WARN
 EVERY FEMALE HE KNOWS TO REFRAIN FROM CALLING 
HIM HONEY.  THE MENTION OF THE ABOVE WILL
 CAUSE VIOLENT REACTIONS AND POSSIBLE INSANITY 
AND HE  IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE TERRIBLE THINGS
 HE WILL DO OR SAY.

14. REMEMBER NO MATTER WHAT HIS SUN BAKED
 WATER LOGGED FACE MAY LOOK LIKE NO MATTER
 WHAT HIS REACTION TO NORMAL THINGS MAY BE
 BENEATH THAT HARD WEARY EXTERNAL SURFACE IS A 
  HEART SWEET AND FULL OF LOVE.  (ALTHOUGH IT MAY BE
 A LITTLE WET).  JUST GIVE HIM A FEW  YEARS TO GET 
USED TO CIVILIZATION AGAIN.

15. LASTLY AND MOST IMPROTTANT DO NOT PERMIT HIM 
TO SPEAK OR LEAVE HIM UNATTENDED IN THE 
 PRESENCE OF WOMEN, HIS PREFERENCE WILL BE 
BLONDES OR RED HEADS WITH A FAIR COMPLEXION,
   HE IS NO LONGER ACCUSTOMED TO CIVILIZED
 WOMEN AND HIS SPEECH AND CTIONS WILL NOT BE IN THE
 BEST OF TASTE.

16. SHOULD ANY SITUATION ARISE THAT YOU CAN NOT
 HANDLE NOTIFY THE NEAREST OFFICE OF THE
 VIETNAMESE DOMESTIC SECURITY POLICE, AS USUAL, IT
 WON'T DO ANY GOOD BUT THEY LIKE TO USE THE
 TELEPHONE AND WILL BE HAPPY TO TALK WITH YOU.


17. SEND NO MORE MAIL TO APO 96307, SAN FRANCISCO
 CALIFORNIA AND WARN THE WORLD.  HE IS ON HIS WAY
 HOME .....................

                                                   RESPECTIVELY YOURS,


                                                   I. R. LUSH


P.S. PAST RESEARCH AND EXPERIENCE HAVE SHOWN THAT
 THE PERIOD OF READJUSTMENT TO THE FINE LIFE
 HE ONCE KNEW TAKES A MINIMUM OF FIVE YEARS,
  IF IN THIS TIME HE DOES NOT SHOW ANY INDICATIONS
 OF RECOVERY OR IF UPON ARRIVAL HE SEEMS TO BE A 
HOPELESS CASE CONTACT THE DEPARTMENT OF
 DEFENSE WASHINGTON 25, D.C. AND VOLUNTEER HIS
 SERVICES TO THE RADIORESEARCH COMM UNIT, VIETNAM.
  IT MAY APPEAR TO BE CRUEL BUT HE WILL BE RETURNING TO 
THE LIFE HE DESIRES, BAMBOO HUTS, DIRTY STREETS
, UNEXPLAINABLE ORDERS, RICE PADDIES AND COMPLETE
 LACK OF CIVILIZATION.  HE HAS BEEN TOUCHED BY THE HEAT, 
 HIS BRAIN WASHED AWAY BYTHE RAIN, HIS SENSE OF SMELL
 AND FEELING OF HUMANITY DESTROYED,  HE IS A 
HOLLOW SHELL OF WHAT WAS ONCE A HUMAN BEING
 AND HAS COMPLETELY ADJUSTED TO THE FAR EASTERN
 WAY OF LIFE.LET HIM RETURN AND JOIN THE RANKS OF HIS MANY
 COMRADES WHO HAVE GONE BEFORE HIM.  GOD PROTECT
 AND WATCH OVER HIM.  BECAUSE HE IS NOW UNABLE TO DO
 SO HIMSELF...........