If Operating Systems Were Beers...

DOS Beer :

Requires you to use your own can opener, and
requires you to read the directions carefully before
opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but
now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is
divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be
accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued,
although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it
after it's no longer available.

Windows 3.1 Beer:

Comes in a 16-oz. Requires that you already own a
DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several
DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only
drink a few of them, very slowly,
especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at
the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can
of Windows Beer will explode when you
open it..

Windows 95 Beer:

The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like
Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you
look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them.
The ingredients list, when you look at the small print,
has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer,
even though the manufacturer claims that
this is an entirely new brew.

Windows NT Beer:

Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload.
This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators.
The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company
promises to change the can to look just like Windows 95
Beer's - after Windows 95 beer starts
shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer,
and suggested only for use in bars.

Mac Beer:

At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can.
Considered by many to be a "light" beer.
All the cans look identical. When you take one from
the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on
the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are
told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side
reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.

OS/2 Beer:

Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink
several DOS Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink
Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too, but somewhat slower.
Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open them,
even if you shake them up. You never really
see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer
(International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9 million
six-packs have been sold.

Unix Beer:

Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz.
Drinkers of UnixBeer display fierce brand loyalty,
even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical.
Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have
to have your own can opener around for those occasions,
in which case you either need a complete set of instructions,
or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years.

AmigaDOS Beer:

The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been
picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be
an import. This beer never really sold very well because
the original manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer,
AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal and
loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz.
cans too. When this can was originally introduced,
it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design hasn't changed much
over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that
it is only meant for watching TV anyway.

Acorn Risc OS Beer :

Comes in a 50cl can which manages to fit 100cl inside it. Lets you drink
several 50cl or 100cl cans simultaneously, with no apparent redution in
speed. There is also a virtual 250ml can, though this has a habit of
periodically exploding. Tastes different to all the other beer,
although the taste is described as a cross between Mac beer and Unix
beer. Ingredients are printed on the side of the can, so anybody can make ther own,
and indeed the manufacturer encourages you to do so, although they won't actually
help you. Rarely advertised, and whenever a new flavour is launched, the
manufacturer seems to forget to tell anybody. Drinkers giggle at other brand drinkers,
claiming that Acorn beer does the job faster, better and on less cans -
however as the cans are measured differently if proves a little harder to convince
others of this fact.
Cans require less refrigerator space. Quite easy for non-beer drinkers to acquire
the taste of and though not being very affordable on the outset, it can
bring savings, simplicity and of course it is easy to drink. However,
acquiring the finer taste can take a few years .
Comes with a can-opener as standard, although a ring pull is available as an
optional extra at time of purchase or as a later addition. New flavours in
a larger and more colourful can was released in 1994. These flavours can be drunk
at the same time as DOS beer or Windows3.1 beer.
The adventurous can even drink their new Acorn beer at the same
time as Windows95 beer or UNIX beer, but the manufacturers won't admit
this is actually possible.