From "The Crittendon Plan"
Schultz saluting Hogan:"Jawohl, mein Colonel"
Klink:"Oh, Schultz, you idiot. You don't salute him. He's your prisoner, and see that it stays that way."
Crittendon after crawling out underneath a truck to place the explosives:"What time is it set to go off?"
Hogan:"Two minutes."
Crittendon in a stunned voice:"Coo. Glad I didn't know that."
Klink:"Why did you keep calling from a beer hall?"
Schultz:"Because.....there was a phone there?"
From "Sergeant Schultz Meets Mata Hari"
LeBeau:"If I cook, then why should I be on KP?"
Newkirk:"You're closest to the kitchen."
Hogan about Schultz:"I was right. The blimp is in love."
Kinchloe:"Who with? Another blimp?"
Carter after Hogan ordered him to tail Schultz:"Why me?"
Hogan:"You look more like a German than the rest of us."
Carter indignantly:"Well that's a fine thing for an officer to say about an enlisted man. That really is."
Schultz:"I'm loyal to the Fuehrer, I'm loyal to anyone."
Hogan:"He came to me for advice."
Klink:"Schultz, why didn't you come to your commanding officer? You know my door is always open to my men."
Schultz:"I needed good advice......Herr Kommandant, I mean you are so busy with the war."
Klink:"You will not fall in love with anybody until this war is over. That's an order, understood."
Schultz:"Of course."
Hogan:"Don't worry, Schultz. You won't have long to wait. We'll have you Germans whipped in no time."
Schultz:"I certainly hope you're right."
Klink:"SCHULTZ!!!!!!!"
From "Casanova Klink"
Schultz:"Enemy? Me, an enemy? I'm just as loyal a German soldier as any prisoner in this room."
Burkhalter:"Klink, my policy has always been complete cooperation with the Gestapo. Providing I see that their requests are reasonable."
Klink:"I agree with you, sir. I agree."
Burkhalter:"Fortunately I have found all their requests quite reasonable. No matter how unreasonable they were."
Klink:"I don't have to take any chances. I'm an officer."
Klink after Hogan caused Gertrude to spurn him:"Hogan, it's at a moment like this when I'm sorry that you and I are not on the same side."
Hogan:"Thank you, colonel. Believe me, great many more moments I'm glad that you are."
From "How to Escape From a Prison Camp Without Really Trying"
Hogan admonishing Newkirk in a tunnel full of explosive:"The next one who lights a cigarette down here gets a court martial."
LeBeau:"Before or after the explosion?"
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