From "Hogan Goes Hollywood"
Burkhalter to Klink dressed as a sergeant:"Why are you out of uniform, or has Berlin finally caught up with you?"
Buckles(a captured American movie star):"If I'm going to die, at least let it be in a close up."
From "The Well"
Carter:"We're not spies, colonel. We're just POW's."
Hogan:"Blowing up bridges and factories in our spare time."
Newkirk:"That's what keeps out of trouble."
LeBeau:"I don't care to escape. I like it here."
Klink: Schultz, I wish you'd escape. I wouldn't lift a finger to stop you."
Schultz talking about LeBeau who supposedly had escaped:"Don't hurt him. He makes marvelous streudel."
Hogan trying to convince Klink to reduce LeBeau's sentence:"You're so strong and compassionate and efficient and likable and warm and human and just and fair. You can afford to make a gesture."
Klink:"Why, thank you for the compliments Hogan. One week, and believe me it's not easy for me to reduce a sentence."
Hogan:"Believe me. It's not easy for me to think up those compliments for you."
From "The Klink Commandos"
Carter:"Is there anything special you'd like me to do as a German General?"
Hogan:"Recruit us all into the Wehrmacht."
Newkirk:"We're joining the German Army?"
Hogan:"Just for a short time."
Carter disguised as a General:"If you don't release them to me, you shall be shot now."
Klink:"I think I should prefer to be shot later."
Klink:"SCHULTZ, the prisoners has joined the Wehrmacht!"
From "Unfair Exchange"
Burkhalter:"There are worse things than being married to the sister of General Burkhalter."
Klink muttering after Burkhalter left:"Name one."
Hogan talking about Gertrude Linkmayer:"Beauty's in the eye of the beholder."
Klink:"What's there to behold? She looks like her brother."
Gertrude:"Generals are harmless. Except, of course, to the men who do the fighting."
Hochstetter sarcastically to Schultz:"Your intelligence reflects your commanding officer."
Schultz:"What...does that mean?"
Klink:"Stupid! That's a compliment."
Burkhalter:"Klink and my sister were practically engaged."
Hochstetter:"Oh. That would be reasonable motivation for suicide."
Klink on Gertrude Linkmayer's safety:"How can a disaster happen to a disaster."
From "Get Fit or Go Fight"
Klink:"Did you hear that, Schultz? The boys think I'm a hero."
Schultz:"The joke is on them."
Hogan:"Sometimes it's best to laugh at the face of disaster."
Klink:"I see what you mean. And some time, when you are facing it, I will laugh my head off."
Kinchloe:"Corporal LeBeau is giving us a weightlifting exhibition, Colonel."
Carter:"You might be interested in this. I understand you lift weights."
Klink:"No, I just lie under them."
From "Gowns by Yvette"
Kinch talking to London on the radio:"On your next drop we'll need some automatic weapons, explosive and radio.....What?.....Put it on Colonel Hogan's bill."
Hogan:"It's getting to be an expensive war."
Hogan:"It's not gonna be easy. The guests are gonna be watched like a hawk."
Kinch:"You're worried about getting past the Gestapo, Colonel?"
Hogan:"No, the father of the bride. He's the one paying for the wedding."
Burkhalter incredulously:"A Burkhalter marry a Klink?"
Newkirk:"What makes you think you can design a bridal gown?"
LeBeau:"I'm French. It's in our blood."
Newkirk:"Don't you have a little thing for me?"
Underground Contact:"You are Papa Bear?"
Newkirk:"No, but I'll pass it along to him. I'll put it in his porridge."
From "Six Lessons from Madame LaGrange"
Burkhalter to Hochstetter who is dancing with LeBeau:"May I cut in?"
Hochstetter:"Yes, the next dance will be yours, General. GENERAL!!!"
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