I, Rose, take thee, Cal...
Sometimes I wondered how I got myself into such a trap. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, with no place to run, and nowhere to hide. Cal. My body shivers when I mention his name, and yet I married him today.
It all started on the Carpathia. I was a mess after having lost Jack and was continuously pacing the decks of the ship. People thought I was insane, but I knew no better. Everyone grieves differently, and I'm not one to to blatantly throw myself into a fit of tears. I have to keep busy.
Cal found me. That's all there is to it. He grabbed me by my arm, twisting it at an odd angle. I was prepared for some turn to violence, but instead he kissed me. Stunned, I couldn't even speak. Cal had always been nasty toward me, and here he was showing some compassion. Frankly, I was mortified.
He forced me into the first class stateroom he was residing, along with my mother. The first class passengers had been able to stay in any vacant rooms the Carpathia had not booked for its passage, so they could whine in luxury. I was disgusted, and it showed on my face as I approached Mother.
"Dear,"she rushed to my side, embracing me as I grimaced. Why was I here again? Right back where I started....and without Jack. "However did you survive?"
"Jack saved me, and he's dead,"I said cooly, tearing myself away from my mother's arms, "I hope you're happy. Can I leave, now?"
"Well, no, dear, youre coming home with us,"Mother replied, "There's a wedding to take place."
I almost fainted. "Are you serious?"I asked, stepping away from these awful creatures, "How can you say that? You know I don't love Cal, and you know I don't want to go home with you. I want to live a GOOD life, not one where I'm pampered for all eternity."
"Rose, dear, you WILL stay with us,"Mother angrily shot back.
Cal reached deep into my pocket, searching for something. "Stealing my jewel, Rose? Did Jack tell you to take this?"
I hadn't had the slightest idea the Heart of the Ocean was so close at hand, and amazed at how it hadn't fallen from my pocket in the water. "Cal, you know very well he-"
"Stop this, Rose,"he came closer to me, reminding me of a hunter before he arrived at his kill. I was his deer, and he was going to be a perfect shot. "Think of it. He could have forced you into another life-boat, saving your life. But no, he wanted you to drown in the middle of nowhere, never to be seen again."
"If you come back home without a word of Jack, no one will have to know, and your reputation will still be where it once was,"Mother interrupted, "Stay, Rose. Jack is gone anyway, you won't find him by living as a vagabond in the middle of an alley."
I couldn't resist. It was all too much, and I wasn't thinking clearly. I didn't know what to do, and passed out there in the room.
For the remainder of the voyage, I was a recluse. I hid in our cabin until we reached New York. When it came time to leave, I followed silently behind the crowd, my enterage, who were usually following my heels, had gathered up ahead. What was I doing. As I speak now, I could have killed myself for not running away right then and there. I have made many foolish mistakes, but this was ultimately the worst.
The wedding went ahead as scheduled. No one could figure out why the bride never smiled, and remained subdued. Rarely speaking, I sat at our table afterward mixing my peas with my mashed potatoes, thinking of what a disgrace I am. Jack would surely be frowning upon me now, and that is not what I wish. How horrible this day was.
Three years later...
And horrible yet. I am still in this one-sided marriage, myself on the receiving end of Cal's affection. The only good part about us is our daughter, Saidie. I love her dearly, and so does Cal. All in all, he is a wonderful father....I just hate him with all my heart. I can't show my feelings in front of Saidie. Knowing your mother despises your father will be hurtful to everyone, including our status.
If Jack could hear the way I speak about our status, he would be shamed. He probably stopped caring for me in Heaven quite a while ago, at least after I agreed to marry my husband and be thrown back in with the bulls.
And still, for some reason, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Saidie means everything to me. My maid told me it must be quite a burden for a little toddler to be the only thing that makes her mother happy. I simply shrugged it off. Then I scolded myself for returning to my habits of ignoring those who were less fortunate than myself.
Fifteen years later...
At last, I am free of my loveless marriage. The depression hit Cal hard, and he committed suicide a few days ago. At his fneral, I was a little sad, and Saidie has yet to figure out why I have yet to shed a tear or show any signs of remorse. Our son, Samuel, was devastated. As a fifteen year old boy, he has lost his father, his teacher. In many ways, I am relieved that Cal won't be an influence on how he treats his future wife.
The youngest child, Belle, is only ten. She clung to me and wailed all through the service for her father. She had been daddy's little girl, and I know she'll miss him the most. And it hurts me to see my children suffer.
In my heart, there is still Jack. Now I am free to live the life I had always wanted. I plan to move my children and myself to Wisconsin, and reveal the life Jack had lived before he met me. Perhaps then there will be closure, and the past will be forgiven.
The End. |