The Transcript to Hey Arnold!, "April Fools' Day"

The Transcript to Hey Arnold!, "April Fools' Day"
Transcribed by "Mystical Ambitious"
Reformatted by Varakorn Ungvichian
Cast, as credited
Arnold - Alex Linz
Helga, Sheena - Francesca Smith
Gerald - Jamil Smith
Phoebe - Anndi McAfee
Harold - Justin Shenkarow
Rhonda - Olivia Hack
Sid - Taylor Gifaldi (not to be confused with his brother, Sam)
Stinky - Christopher P. Walberg
Curly - Adam Wylie
Eugene - Blake Ewing
Brainy - Craig Bartlett
Grandpa, Wyatt (ice cream salesman) - Dan Castellaneta
Grandma - Tress MacNeille
Mr. Simmons - Dan Butler
Principal Wartz - David Wohl
School nurse (Sheena's aunt) - Mary Gross

Scene 1: The Boarding House Kitchen

(GRANDPA runs in the kitchen where ARNOLD is eating. A hatchet is in his eye with fake blood coming down.)
GRANDPA
Oh, mercy, Arnold! There’s been a terrible accident, and oh, April Fools’!
(ARNOLD wipes away the cereal from his sweater as Grandpa pulls off the prank.)
ARNOLD
You got me, Grandpa.
(GRANDMA comes in happily)
GRANDMA
Oh, Happy Groundhog’s day, everybody. Yippee! I saw my shadow -- and you know what that means!
GRANDPA
We know, Pookie...
BOTH
Twelve more days of Christmas.
GRANDMA
Oh, isn’t it exciting! Well, I’ll be upstairs. I’ve got presents to wrap.
JINGLE BELLS/ JINGLE BELLS/ JINGLE ALL THE WAY...
GRANDPA
Ah, Spring. The fresh air, the flowers. Hey Arnold, smell my bout-onniere. April Fool’s!
(GRANDPA squirts ARNOLD with a plastic flower)
ARNOLD
Good one, Grandpa. Funny.
GRANDPA
Sorry, Arnold. Couldn’t resist. No more jokes now. Eat your eggs.
(GRANDPA puts a plate of eggs down in front of ARNOLD. ARNOLD tries to cut them, but can't)
GRANDPA
Rubber eggs. April Fools’!
ARNOLD
Grandpa...
GRANDPA
Aww, come on, Short Man. It’s April Fools’ Day. Don’t you want to play a prank on someone?
ARNOLD
No thanks, Grandpa. I’m not really into the April Fool’s jokes.
GRANDPA
Oh, that’s crazy talk, Arnold. Everyone loves April Fools’. Let’s see here. Oh, here it is! The granddaddy of all April Fools’ pranks. (GRANDPA shows ARNOLD a small purple box with red ribbon around it.)
Try this one on your little classmates today, Arnold. I once tried it on my friend Jimmy Kafka. Told him it was a late birthday present but when you open it, a blinding light goes off! It’s a riot!
ARNOLD
No thanks, Grandpa. I just don’t think anybody at school is really into April Fools’ Day.

Scene 2: PS 118 hallways

(PEAPOD KID chews a piece of gum while HAROLD watches. PEAPOD KID gags and the gum turns out to be a trick piece of gum.)
HAROLD
April Fools’!
(RHONDA is seen acting like she's about to kiss CURLY. Instead she smacks him)
RHONDA
April Fools’!
(EUGENE trips and falls)
EUGENE
Woah!
SHEENA
April Fools’!
EUGENE
Heh, heh. Good one, Sheena.
ARNOLD
Wow! I guess everyone’s really into April Fools’ Day!
GERALD
No kidding, Arnold. We’ve got to get in on this action!
ARNOLD
I dunno, Gerald. I’m just really not into it. I’m too...
GERALD
I know: trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind. In fact, you’re the perfect target for an April Fools’ joke.
(ARNOLD smiles at his friend, opens his locker and is hit by a punching glove on a spring)
HELGA
April Fools’, Football head!
ARNOLD
Good one, Helga.
HELGA
Get used to it, Bucko, cause you’re gonna get it all day long!
(ARNOLD glares at HELGA)

Scene 3: Mr. Simmons' classroom

(STUDENTS chatter and HELGA walks into the classroom. She drops a small sound box in ARNOLD's chair. Suddenly, PRINCIPAL WARTZ runs in the classroom, hysterically)
WARTZ
Students, quiet! Please, settle down! I have some very serious news. Your beloved teacher, Mr. Simmons, is no longer with us because he was run over by an enormous steamroller! Ah! Egad! It’s his ghost!
(MR. SIMMONS stands up from behind his desk, eerily. His face is pale and he's holding a flashlight)
SIMMONS
Ooooohhhh. April Fools’, everybody! It’s not my ghost - it’s just me!
RHONDA
That was so lame!
SIMMONS
Thank you, Principal Wartz, for that very special introduction.
WARTZ
Let’s make it an annual tradition, Mr. Simmons. Carry on.
SIMMONS
Oh, class! We’re having our first annual April Fools’ dance tonight at the YMAA gym. Principal Wartz and I both will be there as chaperones, and I’ll be crowing one lucky student the King of Fools. Eugene, would you mind distributing the flyers?
EUGENE
I’d be honored! I really hope you all will come and vote for me. I think I’d make a wonderful King of Fools. (CURLY trips EUGENE)
Ow! I’m okay.
(HELGA casually drops her pencil near ARNOLD's desk.)
HELGA
Hey, Arnoldo, pick up my pencil!
(ARNOLD gets up and leans down to get HELGA's pencil. HELGA pushes a button and a farting noise comes from the sound box. Everyone laughs and points at ARNOLD)
HAROLD
Ar-nold farted!
HELGA
April Fools’, Football Head!
STINKY
Willikers, Sid. This school’s just chock-full of pranks.
SID
I know! This room is tough! We gotta think of a prank that beats them all, or be ashamed.
STINKY
Yeah - a huge, whopping, super-prank!
SID
Hey, what if we pulled one at the big dance that Mr. Simmons was going on about.
STINKY
That’s a great idea, Sid! Tonight, where everybody can see!
SID
Now all we gotta do is think up a prank!
(STINKY opens his desk and shows SID a turtle)
STINKY
Maybe we can do something involving my pet turtle Snappy. He’s a passel of laughs. (SNAPPY snaps at SID. SID yelps and pulls back) Careful, Sid. He really bites.

Scene 4: Cafeteria

ARNOLD
I hope Helga’s finished playing April Fools’ jokes on me.
(ARNOLD sits down on a plate of chocolate pudding. EVERYONE in the cafeteria laughs)
HELGA
April Fools’, Football Head. Look at him! What a loser!
HAROLD
Time to change your diapers, Ar-nold!
GERALD
Hmm, mm, mm. Arnold, she’s gonna be at it all day. She said so herself. Face it man: it is time to retaliate!
ARNOLD
You’re right! I’ll be back.
(ARNOLD leaves)

Scene 5: PS 118 hallway

(ARNOLD calls GRANDPA on a payphone)
ARNOLD
Hello, Grandpa?
GRANDPA
Hello. ACME plumbing.
ARNOLD
Huh? Oh, sorry, I must have...
GRANDPA
April Fools’!
ARNOLD
Grandpa...
GRANDPA
Sorry, Short Man. I couldn’t resist. You’re just the perfect straight man.
ARNOLD
Well, not anymore. I’m calling, because I’ve decided to take you up on your offer after all.
GRANDPA
A special offer? We’re not buying any today. Thank you, goodbye.
ARNOLD
Grandpa!
GRANDPA
April Fools’, Arnold! I can’t stop.
ARNOLD
Listen, I’m serious. Remember that little gift box you showed me this morning?
GRANDPA
‘Course I do! It’s the granddaddy of all April Fools’ pranks! Oh, don’t tell me! You want to use it on someone?
ARNOLD
That’s right!
GRANDPA
Oh, I can’t believe it! Oh, this is wonderful! Hold that thought, Arnold. Don’t weaken! I’ll be right down!
ARNOLD
And, Grandpa?! Bring me an extra pair of pants.
(GRANDPA pulls off his own pants and holds them up)
GRANDPA
Done!

Scene 6: Outside PS 118

(GRANDPA quickly drives by in the Packard, and past ARNOLD)
GRANDPA
So, now we’re ready to try it, Mr. “I’m not really into April Fools’ Day”!
ARNOLD
Could I just have the box? Please, Grandpa.
GRANDPA
What’s that on your pants? Turn around.
(ARNOLD turns around)
ARNOLD
It’s chocolate pudding.
GRANDPA
Oh, that’s a good one! Old “pudding pants”! Who did it? Let me guess! Your little friend with the one eyebrow?
(ARNOLD turns back around)
ARNOLD
Helga, right. Can I have the box?
(GRANDPA gives ARNOLD the box)
GRANDPA
Wait until she gets a load of this! She’ll be the one needing an extra pair of pants. And speaking of which, here’s yours.
(GRANDPA holds up his pants)
ARNOLD
Uh, Grandpa, those are your pants.
GRANDPA
April Fools’! Good luck, Short Man.

Scene 7: The Cafeteria

(EUGENE looks in a box, then starts groaning when a mousetrap clamps around his nose)
HELGA
Man, talk about gullible. You’re almost as easy to bamboozle as that loser, Arnold! And speaking of which, where is the biggest sap of them all?
ARNOLD
Right here, Helga, and I’ve got a present for you.
HELGA
Get real, Football Head. Like there’s any way I’m falling for that old gag.
ARNOLD
It’s not a gag. It’s a belated birthday present.
HELGA
Yeah right! And I’m Mary, Queen of Scots.
ARNOLD
I’m serious, Helga. I mean, your birthday was last week, right?
HELGA
(Thinking) Oh my gosh! I can’t believe he remembered! (Out loud) Yeah...so?
ARNOLD
So, happy belated birthday! (ARNOLD holds up the box)
HELGA
(Thinking) Oh, Arnold. My beloved. you’re so kind and good...I solemnly swear, I’ll never play another prank on you again. (Out loud) Well, uh....gee, Arnold. Thanks.
(HELGA opens the box and a flash comes out)
ARNOLD
April Fools’!
(EVERYONE laughs)
HELGA
Help! Help! I’m blind!
GERALD
You have to be if you didn’t see that one coming!
HELGA
No, you morons! I’m really blind!

Scene 8: Outside the Nurse’s Office

STINKY
It’s like Mr. Simmons always says: “horseplay always leads to tears”.

Scene 9: Inside the Nurse’s Office

HELGA
So give it to me straight, lady. Am I going to make it or not?
NURSE
You’ll be just fine, Helga. Fortunately, your blindness is only temporary. You should be back among the sighted any second now.
HELGA
Hey, what do you know. I’m cured. Huh! Well thanks for the miracle. I’ll catch you later.
NURSE
Not so fast, Helga! Before I can let you go, you have to promise me you’ll be more careful.
HELGA
Me? But this whole thing was Arnold’s fault! Him and his lousy April Fools’ prank. I can’t even believe I trusted him.
NURSE
Either way, I want you to ease up on the tomfoolery. The last thing we need is for you to end up with a permanent eye injury. It would be devastating for you...and your little football headed friend.
HELGA
Wait a minute. That’s a great idea! I mean, that’s great...advice. From now on “careful” is gonna be my middle name. You can count on it. (HELGA goes towards the door to leave, then stops) Oh, man. This is gonna be so boss! I’ll pull the biggest April Fools’ prank of all by pretending to still be blind! And Arnold, sentimental sucker he is, will feel so guilty and responsible, he’ll have no choice but to be my slave, my servant, my Seeing Eye dog! I’ll totally torture him. Now all I got to do is sell it. (Notices a cane next to the door) Perfect!

Scene 10: Outside the Nurse’s Office.

SID
Boy, howdy. She’s been in there a long time. Bet you must feel pretty guilty right about now, huh, Arnold.
ARNOLD
Way to state the obvious, Sid.
(HELGA walks out of the NURSE's office, the cane in hand)
PHOEBE
Helga, are you okay?
HELGA
Oh, I’m fine, you, know except for the fact I’m still blind.
ARNOLD
Helga, I’m so sorry.
HELGA
Arnold? Arnold, is that you? (HELGA hits ARNOLD in the head with the cane) It’s so dark.
ARNOLD
Yes, it’s me. So, what did the nurse say? I mean, are you going to be all right? How long is this thing going to last?
HELGA
You mean my complete and utter lack of eyesight? Oh, you know. Maybe an hour...maybe forever.
ARNOLD
Is there anything I can do?
HELGA
Well actually, there is. You could walk me home. I figure I should break the sad news to my poor parents as soon as possible.
ARNOLD
Sure, no problem.
HELGA
Great. I’ll go get my things.
(ARNOLD and HELGA leave together. HELGA hits ARNOLD in the leg with the cane)
GERALD
Hmm, mm, mm. That is the saddest thing I have ever seen.
RHONDA
Tell me about it. Now she’s even more pathetic than ever.
GERALD
I was talking about Arnold. The poor guy could be indebted to Helga G. Pataki for the rest of his life.

Scene 11: The sidewalk

ARNOLD
Helga, I’m really, really sorry.
(HELGA hits a GUY with her cane)
GUY Ow! Dagnabbit!
ARNOLD
I never meant for this to happen!
HELGA
Aw, don’t sweat it. It’ll all blow over soon, and if not, well, you’ve got the rest of your life to make it up to me. (HELGA tries to continue across a street, but ARNOLD stops her) So what’s the hold up? Why’d we stop?
ARNOLD
Intersection. Red light.
(HELGA looks at ARNOLD and fakes a dizziness spell)
HELGA
Oh!
ARNOLD
Helga, what is it? What’s wrong?
HELGA
Uh, nothing. It’s just I’m overwhelmed by all these sounds. They’re making me dizzy. Do you think you could carry me the rest of the street, Arnold?
ARNOLD
Carry you?
HELGA
On your back. You know, like one of those ponies at the petting zoo. I mean, it’s the least you could do for blinding me, right?
(ARNOLD is seen carrying HELGA on his back. HELGA squirms and pulls at ARNOLD's hair)
ARNOLD
Ah! Ow, watch - watch out. Ow, that’s my hair, Helga.
(A cab rushes down the street. HELGA turns to look at it and cries out)
HELGA
Arnold! Look out for that cab! (ARNOLD and HELGA tumble safely to the other side of the street) Arnold, are we alive?
ARNOLD
We’re fine.
HELGA
Phew! Good thing I sa...I mean, smelled that cab coming.
ARNOLD
You smelled the cab?
HELGA
Yeah, you know how it is when you lose one of your senses. The others just kind of kick into overdrive. Speaking of which, you might want try a stronger deodorant, Football Head.
ARNOLD
Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.
HELGA
I don’t know about you but all this excitement’s really made me thirsty.
ARNOLD
Well, there’s a drinking fountain over there.
HELGA
No dice. I need something hearty. Is there anyplace around here where I can get a milkshake, Arnold?
ARNOLD
Well, there’s Slawsons, but it’s on the other side of the street.
HELGA
Well then, giddup.

Scene 12: Slawson’s Ice Cream Parlor

WYATT
Okay, what’ll it be?
HELGA
I’ll have an extra large triple chocolate shake, two cherries, no funny stuff.
WYATT
That’s an awful big order for such a little girl. You sure your eyes aren’t bigger than your stomach?
HELGA
Positive, on account of my friend here has blinded me.
ARNOLD
Why don’t you make it two?
WYATT
You’re the boss.
HELGA
And don’t skimp on the whipped cream okay, Wyatt. Why it...why it’s gotten so very, very warm in here all of a sudden. Well, I’m gonna go sit outside. Be a good sport and pick up the check, would you, Arnold?
ARNOLD
Sure...

Scene 13: Helga’s House

ARNOLD
Well, here we are: your house.
HELGA
Thanks, Arnold. I really appreciate all that you’ve done for me, you know, except for the part where you made me go blind. (HELGA intentionally drops her books) Whoops, dropped my books.
ARNOLD
Let me get them for you.
HELGA
Don’t bother. It’s not like they’re any use to me now that I’m blind. Hey I know! Why don’t you take them? After all, I’m going to need someone to do my homework for me until I learn Braille.
ARNOLD
Sure.
HELGA
Great. Well, see you later. Oh, wait! I wont, because I’m blind, because of you. Mom! I’m home, and I’m blind! (HELGA slams the door on ARNOLD and peers at him through the mail slot) Arnold, what a sap, what a sucker. What an April fool. I mean, talk about blind. The guy can’t even see the wool being pulled over his own eyes. Oh well, I guess I’ll just sit back and enjoy a dish of sweet revenge.

14: Arnold’s House

GRANDMA
Oh, Happy Groundhog’s Day, Arnold. You’re just in time to open presents.
ARNOLD
Maybe later, Grandma.
GRANDPA
So, how’d the prank go, Arnold? Was it a big hit?
ARNOLD
No, Grandpa, it was terrible! Helga went blind!
GRANDPA
So? What’s so terrible about that? Sounds like a total success? Heck, I nearly wet my pants when the same thing happened to Jimmy Kafka.
ARNOLD
What?! Grandpa, why didn’t you tell me?
GRANDPA
What? That I wet my pants? Well that’s no big news.
ARNOLD
No, that the prank could cause blindness?
GRANDPA
Arnold, I did. I said it had a “blinding flash”.
ARNOLD
I can’t believe this is happening.
GRANDPA
Oh, don’t worry, Short Man. If Helga has Jimmy’s luck, she should have her sight back...eventually. Meanwhile, you should do something nice to make it up to her. (GRANDPA notices the April Fools' Dance flyer) Hey, I know! Why don’t you take her to this April Fools’ dance?
ARNOLD
Grandpa, what good will that do?
GRANDPA
It’ll be fun! It’ll take her mind off the horrible situation. You know, the fact that you blinded her.
ARNOLD
Well, I guess it couldn’t hurt.
GRANDPA
Unless she falls down and breaks her hip.

Scene 15: Helga and Arnold on the Phone

(HELGA is sitting on the recliner, watching wrestling. The phone rings and she picks it up)
HELGA
Hello?
ARNOLD
Helga? It’s Arnold.
HELGA
Arnold! I mean, how are things in the sighted world, Football Head?
ARNOLD
Fine. The reason I called was, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the April Fools’ dance with me.
HELGA
You mean like a “blind date” or something?
ARNOLD
Uh, I guess you could call it that.
HELGA
All right, Arnold. If it’ll ease your guilty conscience. But it better be first class all the way -- nothing on the cheap, you got me?
ARNOLD
It won’t be, I promise.
HELGA
Good. I’m glad we’re seeing eye to eye, you know figuratively speaking, since I’m blind.
ARNOLD
Right. I’ll pick you up at seven. Bye.
(HELGA hangs up the phone)
HELGA
Ha! Forget about Eugene being crowned King of Fools. At this rate, Arnold’s the shoe in for victory. And when I’m done with him, he’ll wish he never tried to beat me at my own game.

Scene 16: Outside the YMAA

GRANDMA
Toyland -- Everybody out! Next stop: North Pole.

Scene 17: Inside the YMAA

HELGA
Watch your back, watch your back! Blind girl coming through!
HAROLD
Look at Helga!
SID
Boy howdy! Look at her!
STINKY
Yeah. She looks even blinder than before!
RHONDA
I realize she’s blind and everything, but her outfit!? I mean, there’s really no excuse.
SIMMONS
Attention, everyone! Welcome to the most special dance of the year: our first ever April Fools’ dance! And remember, later tonight, we’ll be crowning the King of Fools so don’t forget to cast your vote.
(EUGENE is standing near the refreshment table talking to RHONDA)
EUGENE
I really hope I can count on your vote. I think I’m a natural born King of Fools, don’t you?
RHONDA
Truthfully? I couldn’t care less.
EUGENE
April Fools’?
RHONDA
No, Eugene. No April Fools’.
EUGENE
Oh.
ARNOLD
Hey, Helga. I brought you some punch.
HELGA
About time. Now hand it over!
(HELGA intentionally knocks the cup from ARNOLD's hand and spills it over him and her hand)
ARNOLD
Ah!
HELGA
Nice going. You spilled punch on my hands. Oh well, guess I’ll just wipe them off with this towel.
(HELGA grabs ARNOLD's hair)
ARNOLD
Ow, that’s my hair, Helga.
(HELGA releases ARNOLD)
SIMMONS
Okay, people. Time to come on the floor and dance to a special April Fools’ Day song played backwards.
ARNOLD
Are the sighted people out there dancing and having fun?
ARNOLD Yes. HELGA
That...that must be nice.
ARNOLD
Helga, would you like to dance?
HELGA
Sure, what the heck.
GERALD
Mm, mm, mm. Arnold dragging a blind Helga around the YMAA gym floor to backwards disco music. Now I’ve seen everything.
PHOEBE
It is a rather extraordinary situation.

Scene 18: In the Girl’s Room

STINKY
Easy there, fella. No snapping.
SID
At least not yet.

Scene 19: On the Dance Floor

ARNOLD
(Thinking) Oh, man, I really hate this.
HELGA
(Thinking) Oh, man, do I love this or what? I’m actually dancing cheek to cheek with Arnold! He’s holding me tight. His hair smells yummy. Oh, who am I kidding? (HELGA hugs ARNOLD tightly) I love this guy! Maybe I should stop torturing him. Nah, this is way too much fun.
(HELGA spins ARNOLD into EUGENE who falls over the table)
ARNOLD
Ah!
EUGENE
Woah! I’m not okay.
PHOEBE
Oh my. Eugene! Should I call a doctor?
EUGENE
April Fools’! I’m okay!
HELGA
Well I’m not okay! Where’s the dumb football head that blinded me for life?
ARNOLD
I’m right here, Helga.
HELGA
Take me to the can, Jeeves. I’m about to explode!
GERALD
Now there’s a lovely image.

Scene 20: Outside the Girl’s Room

ARNOLD
Uh, here we are, Helga. The girls’ room. Can you take it from here?
HELGA
Fine! I’ll grope my way into the stall. Thanks for nothing.

Scene 21: Inside the Girls’ Room

HELGA
Phew! Alone at last.
(A stall opens and PHOEBE walks out)
Phoebe! Geez, don’t scare me like that!
PHOEBE
Helga? You can see me? Is your eyesight returning?
HELGA
Phoebe, I’m not blind! I can see everything!
PHOEBE
Oh, my!
HELGA
And I can especially see Arnold falling for the greatest April Fools’ joke in history. I totally have him fooled, the fool. He’s the one who’s blind.
PHOEBE
Gosh, Helga. I’m amazed. I mean I’m actually...impressed. It’s a brilliant April Fools’ prank.
(GERALD listens via vent)
HELGA
Pretty good huh? I mean, I’m chumping everybody. It’s easy as pie. And you wanna know why? Because the people that we hang out with are lamebrains and saps and the biggest lamebrain is Arnold. I can’t wait to see the look on his idiotic face when I break the news to him. There’s just one more dance to go and then it’s time to announce the King of Fools. But until then, mums the word, got it?
PHOEBE
Mumming.

Scene 22: In the Girls’ Bathroom

SID
Uh oh. I heard a flush but no “ow”.
STINKY
Looks like the joke’s on us, Sid, on account of Snappy’s been flushed down the toilet. Oh this really bites.
(STINKY starts crying)

Scene 23: On the Dance Floor

GERALD
Guess what, man. Helga’s faking. She’s totally pretending she’s blind.
ARNOLD
Pretending? Helga?
GERALD
I just heard her tell Phoebe the whole thing. She said you’re a lamebrain and a sap and a chump.
ARNOLD
So she thinks I’m a lamebrain and a sap, huh?
GERALD
And a chump. Maybe it’s time you give Helga G. Pataki a taste of her own medicine.
ARNOLD
Gerald, I think you’re thinking what I’m thinking. (GERALD whispers to ARNOLD) That’s even better than what I was thinking.
SIMMONS
All right, people. It’s time to tango.
(MR. SIMMONS and PRINCIPAL WARTZ start to tango)
ARNOLD
Oh, there you are, Helga. Just in time for the tango.
HELGA
Bring it on, Football Head. Let’s cut a rug. (ARNOLD leads HELGA out onto the dance floor where he whips her around) Huh, hu!

Scene 24: Supply Room

(GERALD looks around and sees a button that opens the pool)

Scene 25: On the Dance Floor

(ARNOLD and HELGA are still dancing. ARNOLD pulls HELGA close and stares at her)
ARNOLD
It must be strange not to be able to see anything, anything at all.
HELGA
It is. It’s very... (ARNOLD dips HELGA roughly) Arnold, you’re being kinda rough!
ARNOLD
Don’t worry my poor blind friend. You’re in good hands.

Scene 26: Underground

(SNAPPY comes out of the sewer and walks down a dark hallway)

Scene 27: On the Dance Floor

(GERALD pushes the button and the dance floor starts to open, revealing the pool underneath)
STINKY
Um, fellas. Is it just me, or is the floor moving?
(ARNOLD remains dancing with HELGA)
ARNOLD
Helga, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.
HELGA
There is? Funny, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you too.
(HELGA whips ARNOLD out and he hits SHEENA)
SHEENA
Ow!
ARNOLD
Yeah. I’ve just been waiting, waiting for the right moment.
HELGA
So have I.
SIMMONS
People, attention. We’ve counted all the votes and the first ever King of Fools is...
(HELGA dances away from ARNOLD, pulls off her sunglasses and points at him)
HELGA
You, Arnold!
(ARNOLD grabs HELGA's arm, pulls her close, dips her, then spins her out over the pool)
ARNOLD
Actually, it’s you, Helga!
(HELGA falls into the pool) HELGA
Ahh!
ARNOLD
April fools’!
(MR. SIMMONS looks around, befuddled)
SIMMONS
Actually, Eugene is the King of Fools.
EUGENE
Me? Oh my gosh? It’s an honor just to be nominated. You’re all winners guys!
(EUGENE walks up and PRINCIPAL WARTZ AND MR. SIMMONS crown him and place a robe on him)
SIMMONS
HERE HE COMES! HE'S THE KING OF FOOLS HE's EUGENE, FROM OUR VERY OWN SCHOOL
(EUGENE doesn't watch where he's going and falls into the pool)
EUGENE
Woah!
HAROLD
Hey! Where’d Eugene and Helga go? Huh?
(ARNOLD stands at the edge of the pool as HELGA surfaces and stares at him)
ARNOLD
Joke’s on you this time, Helga! I know you’re not blind!
HELGA
All right, fine. You win. The least you could do is help me out of here.
(ARNOLD leans down and offers HELGA a hand. HELGA pulls ARNOLD into the pool)
ARNOLD
Ah!
HELGA
Gotcha again, Football head.
(EVERYONE in the gym start pushing each other into the pool. PRINCIPAL WARTZ pushes MR. SIMMONS in)
WARTZ
What the heck? April fools’ Simmons. (CURLY pushes PRINCIPAL WARTZ in) Woah!
(HELGA laughs with RHONDA and then suddenly screams)
HELGA
Ow! Ow!
(She crawls out of the pool, Snappy bitting her)
STINKY
Snappy?
(STINKY pulls SNAPPY off HELGA)
SID
Snappy, you’re alive!
STINKY
He made it though the toilet after all. Hey, wait a minute. If Snappy got flushed down the toilet and ended up here, then what the heck are we swimming in?
(SID screams and throws his arms around STINKY's neck)
SID
Ah! Let’s get out of here!
EUGENE
(Underwater) Gosh! This is the best April Fools’ Day ever!