by SpiderBraids
So now they're on some plane. Hey, we're not watching The Amazing Race, are we? [BOMP.] While Sam is trying to adjust The Ditz to a new time zone ("So New Zealand is, like, in the future?"), Ray and Otto are going over the details of the race: "Mountain biking, cave rafting, dirtboarding, windsurfing..." "Man, this race is custom-made for me!" Followed by more rather predictable dialog, along the lines of "it's not all fun and games" and "You can never be sure that everybody's going to play fair."
Time to plant the seed of the telefilm's main running joke, as we segue into Tito watching an ad for this "vegemite" thing he mentioned earlier (apparently, it's a bread spread of Australian origin), and asking for some from a flight attendant. And there's that old guy who seems to be everywhere in Ocean Shores taking the last bit of the spread. What's with this old guy anyway?
OK, now we've landed in New Zealand, which BTW? Is "atah hua" (that's Maori for magnificent, BTW). Team runs into the race coordinator. Personally, I would have wanted Phil Keoghan to do this duty instead of some Maori guy named Tatupu, but I digress, since more importantly, here's the race chairman, who turns out to be... that Chester guy. Surprised?
And would it surprise you if I said Chester has a son competing in this race for the JWG title? Okay, so it isn't exactly the biggest surprise in the world, as Ray and Chester engage in the most boring trash-talk I've ever heard: "Like father, like son. Because my son is just like his father." See what I mean?
Meanwhile, Chester's son Theodore is skating on a half-pipe. "What's up with that dude? He's not that good." "Yeah, but he thinks he is. Dudes like that are so bogus." Three words, Otto: Pot, kettle, black. Oh yes, one more: Briefing.
More trouble for The Ditz, this time adjusting to regional seasonal differences: "Dude, how are we going to snowboard? It's summertime! [... It's winter] already? You mean we wasted our whole summer on the plane?" Meanwhile, even if Phil isn't in this show, this briefing was clearly written by whoever it is that writes his The Amazing Race [BOMP!] briefings: "The race will take us all throughout New Zealand. From the falls of Whangarei to the caves of Waitomo, to the Cook Strait, and finally down to the Southern Alps for a snowboard race around the Flat Stick Fork."
Yeah, I'm piling on the Amazing Race [BOMP!] references, so what? This race takes place in New Zealand, Phil Keoghan comes from New Zealand, and the show's been to New Zealand. Twice. Oh yeah, and I seriously like the show. Meanwhile, make note of the last event. And not just because they're swapping the skis for snowboards. I can smell the climax from 10,000 miles away, anyone else smell it?
After we go over what we already know, let's listen to how the team fancies their chances: "We can take this thing." "No, we will take this thing." "That crown is as good as mine." Zzz... wake me up when we get any remotely interesting dialog, and woogies don't count. Their woogies are hardly a step upwards from bowling moms Linda and Karen's (TAR 5 [BOMP!]) constant shrieking.
Never mind, here's Cheery Violet serving Lifeguard Tice "2 grilled free-range chicken breasts on a bed of romaine lettuce garnished with cilantro and organic red globe grapes." Or, in much fewer words: a health plate. Helga didn't like Sheena's health plate [HA!, "Phoebe Skips"], and nor does Tice. You wouldn't like it if you'd ordered a burger with fries, or as Violet calls it: "a ticket to the chubby-wubby farm." This is funny, right?
Back to Kiwi-land, and after an initial meeting between Otto and Theodore, we got ourselves some "American trash-talking. I love it." That's Theodore talking, not me. I mean, it's an improvement, but tell me if you really love lines like: "I'll be the one wearing the crown!" "Only if I let you borrow it!" Meanwhile, The Ditz can't seem to keep himself out of trouble, as he refers to himself as "the best mug Otto's ever had"... only that in this case "mug" means "shoobie", and as fans of the show know, that's not the best connotation you want to have.
The first race is mountain biking (Squid explains that there's a sharp hairpin near the end of the course)... with a surprise. That surprise being the addition of zorbing to precede it. New Zealanders use this for, well, cheap thrills... oh, sorry. Wrong channel. But it's correct anyhow, and I might as well be watching another channel anyway since it's time for Nick to plug some junk.