The Wide Angle April/May 1996 Volume 1 No 6

Be True to Yourself!!!

by Dave Pendola

I grew up in a small New England town that was nearly entirely comprised of southern Italian immigrants. In my Italian community thin is definitely not in. Women who were curvy, full-figured, heavy, and fat were worshipped as being the ideal of beauty.

I went to college at Boston University, where I quickly noticed a paradigm shift of epic proportions: thin was in. Every girl I met was on a diet. Most were taking some kind of pills to boost energy while they starved themselves.

Well, it didn't take long for me to realize I was definitely breaking rules with my personal paradigm of beauty. I dated girls who were very heavy and curvy, and this seemed to really piss everyone off. All of my guy friends would tease me incessantly, and say "Why do you only want to date fat girls?" A few male friends of mine teased me with particular obsessiveness and venom so frequently that the budding psychologist in me began to believe that maybe, just maybe, the people who cracked the most jokes about my preference for larger women were in fact secretly envious of my open choice to date heavier girls. Possible they used sarcasm to cover up the fact that underneath all of the rude jokes they preferred a heavier person as well, but they wouldn't dare reveal this fact to anyone for fear of the very same persecution they were so efficient at delivering to me. Otherwise, why were they so obsessed with my open decision to date a fat girl?

I cut off contact with a few supposed "friends" who just couldn't let go of the issue and accept me for who I was. A joke here and there I was able to brush off in good nature. After all, I had nothing to prove to anyone. I wasn't trying to sell my personal paradigm of beauty to anyone else. I just knew I was attracted to fat girls and that I wasn't attracted to thin girls.

Thin girls who I was friends with were the most outraged at me. They thought I was blasphemous. They treated me like I must have brain damage to want to be with a curvy, heavy woman. How dare I prefer a fat girl to them? I was tall, muscular, and thin; therefore, I was supposed to prefer to date only tall, thin women.

Friends of mine in my psychology program were convinced that the only reason I must want to date heavier girls is that there was something lacking in my self-esteem or self-concept that make me seek out only fat girls to somehow fit my negative self-schema. I would laugh and ignore them. I knew the truth was just the opposite. I was so secure in my self-concept I really didn't care what anyone else thought of me. I knew that curvy women drove me wild and I wasn't going to apologize to change my preferences to be politically correct.

If there is any advice I can offer anyone it is first, to love yourself the way you are. If you are fat, love yourself fat. Eat to be healthy and strong, not to lose weight. If you are thin, love yourself thin. Eat to be healthy and strong, not to gain weight.

Second, be true to yourself and your preferences. I believe deep down inside we all have an archetype or blueprint about what we are looking for in our soulmate. If you want someone who is fat, don't worry about what your family, friends, or the fashion industry says about beauty. After all, you are the only person who can make you happy!