The Wide Angle Volume 2, Issue 2 February/March 1997

My Personal Journey

By Kimberly Moore

Looking back over my life, it is amazing to me how far I have come. From shy fat little girl, to, as I am affectionately known to my family, friends and co-workers, the Radical Fat Lady. My journey has taken many twists and turns along the way. I have discovered a power in me that I never knew existed and developed skills I never dreamed of having.

Several years ago, I decided to jump off the diet merry-go-round. I had had it with the yo-yo effects, or simply no effects, that dieting had on my body. I had just finished a yearlong course of diet pills that had left me 100 pounds thinner but also sicker. I suffered from mal-nutrition, cardiac arrhythmia and elevated liver enzymes. I felt awful. I know exactly why I lost weight; my resting pulse rate was 110 or above. I had put my body under extreme stress.

After discontinuing the drug but maintaining a low calorie diet, I gained weight in leaps and bounds. It became a joke in my family. I became the incredible expanding woman. Literally, I would take off a pair of jeans one day, and could not even zip them up the next. It was very disheartening. I gained back about 40 pounds of the one hundred I lost. I still have to watch what I eat and try to exercise as much as I can.

This was my last diet. What I lost in pounds, I more than gained in personal strength. I discovered a part of me that was no longer going to give in to the pressure that society puts on us. Through magazines like BBW and Radiance, I discovered I could live and dress like a normal person. I also discovered that there were others out there who felt like I did. It was amazing to me the first time I attended an event that promoted size acceptance. Here were hundreds of people who no longer made excuses for their size. They did not put off their lives until they lost weight. They were right out there in the open; beautiful, glorious fat people. There was no hiding in the shadows for these people. It was in this glow that the proud fat lady blossomed.

I learned that I had a message to share and now a method in which to do it. I have made some mistakes and I have had many victories. The most important thing I have learned is to love myself unconditionally. I have also become more confident in my every day life. I am still somewhat amused that people find what I have to say important. Not only that, but I have made a difference in other people's lives.

Sometimes the battle for size acceptance or self-acceptance is uphill struggle. As an activist in an often unpopular movement I am often up against those who claim to have our better interests at heart. They are convinced that we need to fit into society's norms. They beat me over the head with the latest diet scheme, only wanting to help me. Even a well-seasoned veteran like myself feels the strain. There are times when I feel like giving it up and concentrating on more personal gains. Then something happens, an issue comes to light, a battle needs to be fought and I am right back into it. It only takes a small victory to buoy my spirits.

For me, I will never diet again. I will also do my best to make sure that those who chose to do so are given the latest and most conclusive information available. I will be supportive of their decisions as long as they support mine. We are all in this together. The size-rights movement has room in it for everybody.

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