The Wide Angle June/July 1996 Volume 1 No 7

Thoughts at the extingushing of the candles

by Marty Lipton

(Ed. Note: This was read by Marty at our Candlelight Vigil for Pat Mullen, it is our hope that it may enlighten an inspire us to continue to build a "Fat Community" both in tradition, ritual, and in support for one another.)

We had one large , tall candle in the center, representing Pat rising above the indignities she suffered. There were five smaller candles surrounding it to represent the five hours she spent alone. We each held a candle of our own to represent our hopes and prayers that she would find her way safely home.)

(Author's note: We often refer to the fat community. Often, that community is delineated by little more than social events and our common experiences with fat phobia and weight loss programs. However, established communities develop rituals to mark important events. As we become a more established and recognized community, we need to create rituals for ourselves. This candle vigil represents an attempt to do so. Our goal was to provide an opportunity for members of our community to begin the healing process after a traumatic event and to memorialize the memory of a comrade.)

Over the past week, I've thought a great deal about the circumstances following Pat's death. I've considered the reverence that we, as human being, show for our dead and expect to be shown upon our own deaths. I've thought about the impact this event is having and may have on the fat rights movement and have mourned that it took an event like this one to clarify the need for such a movement.

I've explored my own fears about being treated in the way Pat was treated and have faced the reality and knowledge that this kind of fate is a possibility for each of us, because it is simply the furthest extension of the abuse we face every day. I have not yet fully put to rest the horror that arises from becoming fully aware of that truth.

I hope I never shall, for that very horror is the gateway to channeling this unthinkable travesty into a positive change for my life and the lives of others.

My hope is that we may all reaffirm our humanity in the face of inhumanity; that we may resist the urge to run and hide from public view and, instead, take even more visible places in society; that we establish our right to basic human respect without changing or promising to change; that we defend not just the rights of fat people but the rights of all people who look differently or believe differently or love differently; and that we not be willing victims of the abuse that masquerades as concern for our health or a sophisticated sense of humor.

That's a lot to hope for.

And that is what hope is for.

My greatest wish is that we take hope from this place and carry it with us into each of our lives. Each one of these candle flames is a flame of hope. I would ask each of you to look at the flame you carry. In your mind, hold the image of that gentle glow and allow it to travel to the very center of your being.

Now, please close your eyes and feel the warmth of the candle's glow spread through your whole body...from the center...to your toes...and your fingers...and back to your eyes.

And now, as you open your eyes, please be aware that the the warmth you feel is your humanity and the humanity of all of us here and the humanity of Pat Mullen who, although she is no longer here with us, is still within us.

Now, I would ask each of you to use your hand or a candle snuffer and gently extinguish your candle's flame. And be aware as you are doing so that the light does not disappear or become dark. Each snuffed flame is released into the world. Its light never dies. It is the same light as the stars and the moon. Just as the light within you and me, it is warm and bright forever. May Pat Mullen's memory be warm and bright forever as well.

With the extinguishing of each of the five smaller candles may we release the pain and anger in ourselves; may we come to accept that it was we who suffered during those five hours and may we gain the strength to search for healing from our humiliation.

Finally, as we extinguish the final candle, may we have clear vision for the lessons learned; may we have wisdom to act on those lessons appropriately.

And, finally, may we release Pat Mullen to memory and peace.

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