POLITICALLY CORRECT TERMS FOR CAT OWNERS (author unkown)

My cat does not barf hairballs, he is a floor/rug redecorator.
My cat does not break things, she helps gravity do its job.
My cat does not fear dogs, they are merely sprint practice tools.
My cat does not gobble, she eats with alacrity.
My cat does not scratch, he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator.
My cat does not yowl, he is singing off-key.
My cat is not a "shedding machine", she is a hair relocation stylist.
My cat is not a "treat-seeking missile", she enjoys the proximity of food.
My cat is not a bed hog, he is a mattress appreciator.
My cat is not a chatterbox, she is advising me on what to do next.
My cat is not a dope addict, she is catnip appreciative.
My cat is not a lap fungus, he is bed selective.
My cat is not a pest, she is attention deprived.
My cat is not a ruthless hunter, she is a wildlife control expert.
My cat is not evil, she is badness enhanced.
My cat is not fat, he is mass enhanced.
My cat is not hydrophobic, she has an inability to appreciate moisture.
My cat is not lazy, he is motivationally challenged.