Ozzy Osbourne/Janis Joplin Cloning Complete.

Separated at death? Janis Joplin and Ozzy Osbourne, er, Ozzy Osbourne and Janis Joplin.

Lockerbee, Scotland-The team that cloned Dolly the sheep has recently announced the cloning of Janis Joplin through an anonymous subject now revealed to be Ozzy Osbourne. "The cloning," says Dr. James Macdougal, the project's Director, "actually began in 1970, just before Joplin's death and Ozzy's first public appearance. Of course, the technology wasn't as advanced then as it is now and, 26 years later, we were finally able to upgrade the test subjects from rock 'n' roll singers to sheep. Enter Dolly."

"Ozzy was quite shocked," said Tim "Tiny" Guinness, the heavy metal god's roadie. "When you think about it, though, the similarities are kinda obvious."

Osbourne, despondent at first over the news, has quickly learned to live with the shocking revelation. At the Ozzfest this last June, Osbourne made the announcement to his fans while onstage before singing a soulful, if garbled, rendition of Joplin's "Piece of my Heart."

Of course, the cloning still doesn't explain how Osbourne could be male while Joplin was female. "That's, er, a matter for Joplin's future biographers to discuss. Can we spell Billy Tipton?," said MacDougal.

"Other than that, the physiognomy and build, all the way down to the hair, is identical. Unfortunately, we weren't able to completely repress the 'bad' genes that cause alcoholism or rock 'n' roll. But look at the positive aspects- We've been able to clone Joplin to how she looked at her death at 27, which was like a 50 year old drag queen.

Researchers have also been looking for other similarities between the two rock singers, including playing The Blizzard of Ozz, Diary of a Madman, and other Black Sabbath albums backwards. "No, we haven't heard any hidden Joplin lyrics but Ozzy is more comprehensible when played backwards. It didn't help that he was originally cloned and raised in Birmingham."

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