Charlotte, NC-In an unforeseen side effect of Hurricane Floyd, North Carolinians have to struggle with more than the torrential rain floods that have engulfed entire neighborhoods.
President Clinton, who'd declared North Carolina a federal disaster area, was flown over the Tar Heel State's famed tobacco plantations and noted a foul stench that reached Marine One 1,000 feet above.
The floods, say FEMA officials, had crushed the tobacco leaves in their thunderous arrival, producing not muddy water as previously believed, but a sea of tobacco juice.
"From the air," said the President, "the whole state of North Carolina looks and smells like a giant spitoon at a redneck bar."
Officials from FEMA have said that, after draining the tobacco juice, they will douse the Tar Heel state with approximately one billion gallons of minty-fresh Scope.