Cyberspace --- "E", already the most often-used letter in the English language and in several others, has announced that it will take an indefinite leave of absence. Adding to the character's workload over the last five years is the unrelenting demands of the Internet and its plethora of E-based businesses.
"The letter 'E' is taking a sabbatical for an unspecified length of time," said E's press agent, Merriam Website in a press release. "It is also seeking an injunction to stop usage of itself not only in real life but on the Internet."
The letter's responsibilities increased exponentially over the last ten years, especially in the past five, with the proliferation of email and dotcom businesses, most notably eBay, eToys, and a multiplicity of other websites. Fortunately for E, the direction taken by most dotcom businesses has drastically reduced its workload but not enough to stave off linguistic exhaustion.
"From now on" continued Website, "my client will not be making any more appearances pending its recuperation. This includes at least two guest spots on Sesame Street and the temporary suspension of television shows on E!, especially Howard Stern's."
The letter's indefinite leave of absence is not expected to be keenly felt in countries such as Bulgaria, Poland, and Finland, say philological analysts. However, Presidents, Prime Ministers, and other heads of state using the exhausted letter will be forced to either keep their titles without "E" or switch to an honorific without it. "That suits me just fine," said President-Elect-Apparent George W. Bush. "I've always liked the ring of 'King Bush'."
"Until further announcements, novelists will be forced to write novels without the letter 'E', which has been done at least twice before," added Website. "In fact, I'd be in violation of this injunction were it already in force. I'd better shut up now."
Packard Bell and other keyboard manufacturers have begun complying by substituting the E character on their products with the ë, which is a distant and erstwhile employed country cousin to E.