Now, with all of this joy, gaiety, and frivolity, one would think that the happiness would be spread evenly between the mother and the father, with both sharing equally in the benefits and attention given. But, sadly, this is not so, because, as just as weddings ceremonies are mainly show for the brides and there enterage (sp?), the same thing goes with childbirth. In fact, conception is the last part of childbirth where most males say they have had fun. From then on, the spotlight is SOLELY on the women.

For example:

Baby clothes

Many men learn at this point that they have lost whatever say they might have had in the upcoming months. With 'tradition' saying that "Pink is for girls; blue is for boys", has anyone ever wondered why there are far more blue outfits, sleepers, t-shirts, blankets, etc. to be found in department stores? This is because most women would prefer to have girls and, therefore, tend to concentrate on buying 'girlish' items. Some women may buy white or yellow items to remain neutral and a few women even actively buy blue items (especially at the urgings of their husbands who can't wait to teach their sons the virtues and joys of baseball and football), but, by-and-large, the first colors women notice are pink. (On the flip side, who can really blame them? Many women, after putting up with us men and our 'attitudes', 'disgusting habits', and Monday Night Football, probably don't want to see another shining example of maleness about the house imitating their fathers and, therefore, secretly desire to have girls. A conspiracy, maybe...? Hmmm....)

Baby showers

A message to the soon-to-be married men: Enjoy your bachelor parties while you can, because you won't be able to have another one, even while the wife enjoys her baby shower. Just as pregnant women have their girlfriends standing at the ready to throw the expectant mother a party, what do the men have? Poker night? They can have that on a weekly basis (and many do). The Super Bowl? Come on! That's once a year and NO man is going to miss that, anyway! Coming home drunk that night after tying one on at the local bar? Not unless you have an understanding wife and ESPECIALLY if the not-so-understanding wife knows the barmaid has a shapely 38-25-36 hourglass figure. So what else is there? If anyone knows, please e-mail me and let me know!

And the REAL Biggie:

Sympathy

This is something pregnant women get - in SPADES! From friends, loved ones, family members, co-workers, neighbors, etc., it never changes. All women get sympathetic treatment when they become pregnant. (Some women even get sympathy before they are about to marry, but that's another story.) "Oh, to be pregnant in the heat of the summer....", "My, oh my, you may have trouble with those stretch marks....", "You've dropped so low. That's going to be a BIG baby!", etc. Remarks like these are common to a pregnant woman. She will get these and more quite often. Then there are the common complaints from the expectant mother herself. These include not being able to find nice maternity clothes, not being able to eat her favorite foods anymore, being constantly nauseous, not being comfortable sitting, standing, or lying down, swelling body parts, mood swings, etc.

All of these sentiments are honest and true, but aren't we forgetting the other party here who suffers almost as much? Huh?!? I'm talking about the men, not the worthless slobs who run out on a pregnant woman, but the REAL men who stick with their girlfriends, their fiancees (sp?), and their wives. What about us? Sure, pregnancy may not be a walk in the park for most women (and for a number of women, it can actually be life-threatening), but what about the men??? And enough about these phantom 'sympathy' pains! That's all in the mind! It's a crock! I've even heard women say that if their men really did love them, they would feel some of this pain. BALONEY!!! HOGWASH!!! and PHOOEY!!! Men don't need to feel these pains, nor should they! I have children myself and I've never felt any phantom morning sickness! I won't try to explain away those who do feel these 'pains', but as far as I'm concerned, it's nothing more than an old wive's tale!

Men don't need sympathy pains to suffer during pregnancy. Many men have to find out how to rearrange a budget to accomodate the new baby. Some even have to find a secondary job or a higher-paying job (or with some, just a job itself). Then there's the higher cost of education - and I'm not talking about college! I'm talking about elementary school!! Keeping your bundle of joy in the latest styles can be expensive, not to mention the extras your child needs: tablets, pencils, crayons, glue, construction paper, scissors, hand soap, Kleenex, paper towels, snacks (not just for your child, but for the whole class), toilet tissue, a field trip every other week, computer fees, etc. - and this is only from grades K-2!! And guess who has to make sure this is all taken care of? We Responsible Fathers!

ASYLUM Note: When I went to elementary school, the kids only had to supply the first two items mentioned on my list, and the school took care of the rest! I spoke with an employee at my daughter's elementary school as to why some of the lights in the building were out, I was told that it was because each individual school now had to handle it's own budget and pay it's own bills! If that's the case, then why do we pay school superintendents hundreds of thousands of dollars per year with our taxes? Why do we even have a board of education? At this rate, we'll be sending in extra money daily to school with our kids to help chip in for the teachers' retirement funds in another 10 years!!

Now, before I get a huge negative response to this (and I probably will), I'm not trying to say that women don't have a right to be excited about childbirth, because it is the most exciting time in a woman's life. I'm not saying that women don't have a right to complain about the tribulations that come with pregnancy, either. What I am saying is don't forget about the men (the responsible ones, that is). Sometimes they suffer, too, although they aren't felt compelled to show it often. Men also feel like they sould have their place in the sun right along with the women. After all, the last Immaculate Conception took place about 2000 years ago. A lot of men feel as if they should get a piece of the attention as well. Just handing out cigars isn't good enough for some (especially for those who can't stand the smell of those things). Just don't forget the men, because they helped, too.

(A P.S. for the men: If you're significant other reads this and takes it to heart, you will not be able to get out of going to her childbirth/Lamaze classes with her, so just be prepared to clear out a block of time in your schedule away from the TV, the poker game and the beer buddies. You WILL go, not just because you love her, but because this is what you wanted!!)

Author Unknown

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All written text except "A Mom's Prayer" © 2000 by Scourge2. Background music is a MIDI of "Some Guys Have All The Luck", as performed by Rod Stewart © 1985.