Now, since we have a lack of things to talk about, we will teach you how to make the Donald Fuck beverage of choice...

You will need the following items:

• A fermentation vessel (a 5-gallon Poland Spring bottle will do nicely. We steal them from our high school.)
• 5 gallons of apple juice (we use the Star Market P.C. brand because it is the cheapest.)
• a package of brewing yeast (bread yeast will work also, but it won't taste as good.)
• a water seal (get this at your local brewing supply store. If you can't get a hold of one, then cover the top of your fermentation vessel with plastic wrap and rubber bands.)
• sugar (for extra alcohol!!!!!)
• a siphoning tube (so the final product doesn't taste "yeasty")

1. First, you must take all of the Apple juice and pour it in your fermentation vessel. Try not to use up all of the five gallons, since you will need space at the top when it starts to bubble later on. If possible, save the bottles that the apple juice came in so you can have something to store the shit in once you are finished with it.

2. Next you must put in the package of yeast and any of the extra sugar that you are going to add. (Note: extra sugar means more alcohol since the sugar is what gets converted into the alcohol during the fermentation process. However, I don't know what would happen if you put too much in. I usually add a cup or so.)

3. After this, you have to seal the vessel with the water seal. (I would not recommend doing this with the plastic wrap and rubber bands setup I mentioned earlier since the whole point of the water seal is that it lets air out, but not in. The plastic wrap would not let the air out, and this could be bad.)

4. Now, leave it in a place where it won't be disturbed for awhile. Once it starts brewing it can be bad for it to be moved around a whole lot. (Just so that you know, it will let out a faint alcoholic-like smell that may or may not inform your parents about its presence. I got away with it regardless of this, however don't blame me if your Mom comes in and asks you why your room smells funny.)

5. Let it brew for about a week or so, and then siphon it out into the bottles that you initially got the Apple Juice out of, being careful not to disturb the yeasty sediment at the bottom. (Note: You can leave it brewing for much longer. In fact, many people will let it brew for up to six months! However, it will taste fine, and still be VERY ALCOHOLIC after a week for those of you who are impatient like myself.)

6. That's it!!! Enjoy!!!

note: I am not responsible for any cases of blindness caused by botched attempts at making this crap. I am also not encouraging underage drinking in any way, and the remark about parents was aimed at 21 year olds that still live at home (losers).

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