Battle Zone In My Head

Each day we try
To live our lives
We strive for goals
To block out our past

Some days they come easy
Some days its a struggle
To fight with the voices
Is always a struggle

The recovery road
Presents its peaks and valleys
Discovering feelings
Is one major challenge

Some days I question
Why this path I chose
To feel such pain
Like being hit by stones

My aim in life
Is for peace at night
Serene quiet mornings
With brilliant sunlight

Some inner peace
Is what I crave
So how much pain
Must I survive
Before serenity
Becomes my friend!

Shelly

I Believe in Angels

Walking down
a street
scared of who I meet
is this how it is
all alone, on your own

I believe in Angels
some good in everyone
I believe in Angels
flying in the night
ruling the light

moving and walking
all I do
don't seem to be here
at the begining
no end

Klynn

Body Memories

Listening to my body
I feel your touch
An invasion of my soul
With a moments brush

I do not know where
Or when or why
But the terror I feel
Makes me want to fly

I so want to run
Away from thee
To someones safe arms
To help free me

But how do I know
If you are safe
How do I know
That you will just embrace

A child full of terror
That is what I can feel
I have being invaded
How can this be real?

shelly

...Dancing With Daddy...

Dancing with Daddy
every girls dream
Dancing with Daddy
so innocent it seems
Dancing with Daddy
as he twirls me about
Dancing with Daddy
as he looks longingly
at me
Dancing with Daddy
as he pulls me closer
to him
Dancing with Daddy
as he tightens his
grip
Dancing with Daddy
as he twirls me more
desperately
Dancing with Daddy
as the fear takes
hold
Dancing with Daddy
as he touches my
breast
Dancing with Daddy
as he rips away my
pride
Dancing with Daddy
as his evil eyes gaze
into mine
Dancing with Daddy
I know not a word will
be said
Dancing with Daddy
as a single tear
falls
Dancing with Daddy
the betrayal is to great
to bare
Dancing with Daddy
the pain is to hard to
explain
Dancing with Daddy
seemed so innocent
Dancing with Daddy
forever in my memory

(c) 1996 S.Rock

Daniel's Poem

I am here Today. But I don't know what to say.
My life is ending quickly, and I dont know why.
It just seems like the time keeps flying by.
I stop and rest here and there.
I sleep my days away without a care.
I dream about what is in my heart.
I dream about everything from the start.
All the bad things I've done in this life.
All of these things will haunt me until I die.

Daniel Van Pelt
age 17

Dream

I wish ppl would understand,
I wish ppl would lend a hand,
I wish ppl know all of it,
I wish ppl could make reason of it !

I hope for some happiness,
I hope for brightness,
I hope for laughter,
I hope for no more dark hour.

I want so much to stop the pain,
I want so much to live again,
I want so much of smiles and laughs,
I want so much for hurt to pass.

I am going to beak this hole of indiference
I am going to break this wall of silence
I am going to stand up against fear
I am going to erase all small tears....

Stephanny

Healing Rainbow

The candle flickers in the room
The flame dancing widely to dispel the gloom
That lurks within the darkened walls
As that fatal cloud begins to fall

The colours emerge from the dancing light
Creating a rainbow, a beautiful sight
The yellows and reds create a bright ray
The start of the rainbow for the new day

As the eyes pry open to spy a new day
From beneath the warm quilt, I see the display
A beautiful rainbow rising up to the sky
As the last drops of rain fall on the land so dry

The sadness and gloom are quickly dispelled
As the rainbow shines right into the bed
My body is filled with the warm gentle hues
Filled with peace and wisdom I can start anew

Shelly

Heavy Storm

My mind is surrounded by a thick grey fog,
That's blown in from the south
And clouded my vision
So the bright dazzling star
Is blackened so no light shines from within

The clouds blow in and swirl around
My demented head
The thunder cracks loudly
Like the voices screaming within
The lightening strikes
Like the self hatred striking at my heart
The rain pelts down
Attempting to wash away
All the hate, pain and torture within me
One layer is stripped away
To reveal another layer twice as thick
The rain cannot infiltrate
Such hatred, blackness and decay
Instead it rusts the surface
Adding yet another rotting layer to the mask

The storm passes
Yet the layers remain
The hate, voices, torture and decay
Are swirling around inside my head
Like a cyclone ready to strike
Any time before night.

Shelly


Hope

It had to hurt my body,
It had to leave scars on me,
It had to put , threw my heart a whole,
It had to affect my soul.

I had fear of the dark
When i lie in bed at night
I had fear of death,
That comes while i am in bed
I had a fear to grow old
and loose my smile of gold ...

I was depressed and crying,
I had no one to confide in,
I could'nt keep it all inside,
and that is when good came into my life

I was frozen in the memories,
I was stuck with no one with me,
I wanted to break my wall and get guidance,
But i was standing in indiference.

Now a four letter word
Has brought me to grow older
It has made me to stand against the unknown
It has made me to stop to feel so alone.

That small word also made me believe,
That everything could eventually be at ease
That little word : is HOPE
Hope to be hable to grow
Hope to believe in better days
Hope to believe in healing and living always.

Memories of the past,
Hashes of the bad,
Pleasures and the laugh,
and hope of a better and good life.

Stephanny



Innocence Lost

The gentle waves of the incoming tide
Slowly wash over the sandy beach
Covering it with a calmness
As the cold salty water receeds into the dark ocean
It takes with it the pebbles and shells that covered the soft sand
I watch in envy wishing I could be the sand and have those waters
wash over me and remove all of my past and leave me bare and innocent once more.

~Brenda~



Motherly Love, Not My Mom

Mommie is gone or that is the fear
In this story you see a child's' tear For some the reality is
Mommie would not stay
But why would a Mommie ever go away?
In the kitchen or down the hall
Most return at the child's' call.
Read closely for this is a mother by choice not birth
Adopted by a child once all alone on this earth
Abandoned by her mother so long ago
Now wondering when this Mommie will go.

Mommie has left the room
She is in the kitchen but I cannot see her there
Fear engulfs as questions overwhelm
Is she coming back? I need her here it's not fair
Am I safe here alone?
Can't see her eyes watching over me
There is not a way for me to be safe without her here,
Is that silly?
She is not talking to me
Can't hear your voice Mommie, not a sound at all.
Too quiet, so aloneSilence surrounds, Oh I wish your name I could call
Tears fall screams emerge
As I wonder and fear whether you will return
Louder screams fill the air
Hearing my cries you wonder when this child will learn,
Down the hall and into the room you rush
Wiping my tears and holding me close, My heart turns to mush
Safe in your arms listening to your heartbeat
Hearing your calming words of safety
I look into your sparkling eyes. Touching your face,
Clinging to you, My heart saying, "I love you Mommie"

When a child tries to confide
Don't push their fears or tears aside
Do as the adopted mother would do
Show them they are safe with you
Pull them close into your heart
Where they long to be from the start
Wipe their tears and kiss their head
When bad dreams come, check under the bed.
The tears will dry and the fear subside
As long as they know you are by their side.

Sandi Taylor7-7-98 8:14pm

For more poetry by this writer please
visit:http://home.earthlink.net/~rebafan



Paintbrush

I keep my paint brush with me.
Wherever I may go,
In case I need to cover up
So the real me doesn’t show.
I’m so afraid to show you me,
Afraid of what you’ll do - that
You might laugh or say mean things.
I’m afraid I might lose you.
I’d like to remove all my paint coats
To show you the real, true me,
But I want you to try and understand,
I need you to accept what you see.
So if you’ll be patient and close your eyes,
I’ll strip off all my coats real slow.
Please understand how much it hurts
To let the real me show.
Now my coats are all stripped off.
I feel naked, bare and cold,
And if you still love me with all that you see,
You are my friend, pure as gold.
I need to save my paint brush, though,
And hold it in my hand,
I want to keep it handy
In case someone doesn’t understand.
So please protect me, my dear friend
And thanks for loving me true,
But please let me keep my paint brush with me
Until I love me, too.

By Bettie B. Youngs



Promise In the Dark
Dana, you said you'd
never leave me
but you lied
why?

You made promises in the dark
as your foot steps left
promises in the dark

I don't want you anymore
got someone new to take care of me
quit running my life
I'm me again, Donna
we're stronger

You made promises in the dark
as your foot steps left
promises in the dark
now your back

K. L. Redding



The Shadow of a Rose

My bitter heart crumbled upon the frigid earth.
An eternity of painful labor grind into dirt.
But from the filth of my broken life blooms a single rose.
And out of each delicate petal the eerie beauty of my soul glows.

The smell of fresh Spring soil penetrates the air.
All around my budding bloom sweet scents of joy linger here.
Although the thorns jutting out of my fragile stalk curse threats upon the world.
Beneath the callous surface I’m just a frail lonely girl.

Out of the filth of a haunted past beauty breaks hard ground.
Where the dense feelings of hatred lives, love is also found.
Eyes that only see darkness are immune to object bright.
But unless you can see the chilling shadows you’ll never see the light

Shaina Wright



Somebody Crying, Somebody Lying
We walk alone
in out thoughts
when to fight
could we want the
same thing

somebody crying, somebody lying
I send you away
but you stay
friends after the samething
but on different sides
will do anything

friends and enemys
all in the same
once together, now apart
will we understand

K. L. Redding



Soul in Two

My soul inside
can't seem to hide
from me
no matter how I try,
it's just me

Like another person
is waiting
to come outside

So deep is this
that I feel no peace
and the pain is so real

To me I just look
through the door
to others
I'm insane

K.L. Redding
1/10/86



Story of an Angel
I was thinking about my younger years,
Filled with joy and happy tears,
But then come into my life events filled with pain,
That would never let me be the same again.

I was such an innocent girl,
I was as pretty and delicate as a pearl,
I was such a sweet and caring angel,
And i was as bright as a green emerald.

From that moment in time,
It was like i lost my mind.
I waited for something that would never come,
I hoped for something to make me hold on.

I was such a giving soul,
I used to love being around people,
I was such a care giver,
I was always filled with laughter.

But now sleeping is my worse enemy,
And lighting is my energy,
Everytime i hang my head to cry,
I listen to a child's lullabye.

But that was the past
And at some points, i did have a blast.
I just wonder what i could of done,
So that now i would'nt feel all gone.
Surving is the one taking over living,
Smiling is my mask to my darkest feeling,
Talking is an escape for silence
And what i so much need ; is guidance.

This is a story about an angel's wish to be free,
to talk, smile, laugh and be happy.
And as soon as she sees that she is worth it,
Maybe then, will this all be over with...




Thalia's Poem

Here's to you fine sir, a man of society and prestige...
The man who took away my innocence
People looked up to you;
but I remained in fear as you looked down on me...
your prey

You used me as your little pawn in society,
pretending to give things to a needy child.
The only thing I ever needed was to be loved...
and your love was not love.

You did this for your own needs..
selfish and for your sick desires.
People did not know you like I did...
you manipulated everyone..including myself.

They did not see the evilness in your eyes;
which I saw time after time.
I stand here at your grave...
I am the one now, who looks down at you
You are dead and gone..
look...

I survived.

You no longer have any power over me
I am free of your abuse.
You were a poor excuse for a human being.
I actually have some pity for the life you led.
You never knew the word decency,
and you nevre knew what the word love really meant.

So...good bye little boy of society...
I am worth more respect than you ever were!

Thalia...May 19, 1999



This next poem is a collective poem, each verse is writen by a different alter.

The Waves

The waves came crashing
over and over
the waves came crashing
over the sand
...
How can they hurt her
why do they hurt her
oh my how they hurt her
So wrong to have hurt her
...
The waves came crashing
over and over
the waves came crashing
drownding out the sound
...
Oh the pain
the endless names
the memories abound
there is no ground
...

the Flowervi system



White Gentle Dove
The time is late and no one is here
my heart is empty and I cannot hear
the gentle knocking from those I love
flowing white as snow like a gentle dove

The horses whisper and the bird doth cry
To join with the dove
To help it as it flies
For the journey is tough
The barriers are hard
For love to touch
My sealed off heart

The decision is mine
To be alone and cry
Or to break the seal
And like the dove I fly

To the mountains and valleys
I find my peace
By a soft gentle stream
Or by a long deserted beach

The waters they wash
The terrors of the past
The waves they crash
the seal to my heart
it allows me to feel
the white from the dove
as a hand stretches out
I can now feel your love.

shelly