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My mom was a barmaid off and on a lot. I would hang out with her while she worked. I would socialize with her customers, it made me feel kind of popular and accepted.
I met my first husband at one of those bars and finally I became old enough to drink and everyone started buying me drinks. My first husband then took me to his home place, California, where he knew everyone. He wanted to live like a single person, and our marriage suffered because we were always living with other people. I don't think he was ready for marriage.
Meanwhile we divorced and my life just swung completely out of control. I was a major bar hopper. I did not behave my self properly. I was living with my mom and she drank alone, but drank moderately. She would always try to get me to stay home with her on weekends and drink with her. But I complained to her that she always wanted to limit my drinking too much, that I'd rather be out where I can have as much as I wanted , or at least 'till my money ran out.
Drinking covered a lot of my pain. I used to go to the local race track and just load up on draft beer and then lay out on a bench and snooze, or end up walking to the rest room and vomiting. People would ask me if I was ok. I was pathetic! I lived in a small town and I would later run into people that met me at parties and I wouldn't even remember them. It was utterly embarrassing to hear about things I did, and then not remember. I ended up getting a DUI.
I took so many chances behind a wheel. It's scary to think about it now. But the only life I came close to taking was my own. Because I could not drive my car for awhile I had my mom and step dad drop me off at a bar on the other side of town. I had money to take a cab if needed. I always enjoyed playing pool. I would go to local tavern pool tournaments and play for sport and always lost because of my drinking. I played good when I was sober.
Anyway, after a bit I noticed one of the youngest guys in the bar. He had blonde hair and a nice physique. I made conversation with him and asked him if he wanted to play pool. This man's name is Dean. He played pool with me and bought a pitcher of beer and we sat at a booth. We got to know each other. It was strange but he told me that he was supposed to marry someone that same day we met. It was supposed to be his wedding day, but it didn't work out, so he was somewhat down about that. I told him I was divorced and very ashamed of it. He told me not to be.
Dean and I dated a long time and went out drinking a lot, mostly me. He seemed to be more moderate with his drinking. I partied and flirted, he didn't like it. Dean stuck with me anyway, he was always very faithful with me. I tried to break off with Dean in the beginning. I kept thinking this guy has no pride. How could he want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with him. He wouldn't take no for an answer. Very persistent. I ended up moving in with Dean after a bad car wreck we were in because I felt he needed me. The wreck was because of drinking. It was late and no one else was hurt by it but Dean. He suffered some injuries.
Later my drinking was causing problems, he didn't like drinking much anymore because of what it made him feel like. But I wanted to drink all the time. I tried to quit for a few days and it was my best friends birthday and I went to one of her favorite bars to meet her, leaving Dean behind of course. Anyway, when I left the bar later, I got pulled over again. Now I had a second DUI to my name. I ended up going to the county jail for 2 months. Before I went I decided to marry Dean. He had asked me a few times. I did it as an early birthday present for him.
While in jail, I reflected about everything I had done, and was very ashamed at how I let so many people down. My family, and Dean. I read some testimonies from out of an old AA big book while in there and picked up on some bits and pieces of God. I held my own while in there.
The day finally came, and Dean came to pick me up and take me back to our place. It was mandatory that I attend some AA meetings for a while after I got out. I also had to go to substance abuse counseling classes. As the classes neared to an end, and AA was becoming less mandatory for me. I felt lost and I remember sitting at our dinning room table thinking out loud and saying " I cant believe that I have to go the rest of my life labeled an Alcoholic. That I have to go to these meetings the rest of my life, there has to be a better way." Dean was sitting on the other side of the room and heard me (at the time I did not know he got saved sometime before I went to jail). Dean got up and walked over to me and handed me a book (No preaching at all), just handed me a book that was called "Power For Living" I proceeded to read it, and it explained the four spiritual laws and so forth, then it came to the part where I could pray the sinners prayer in there.
By then I was ready and I added a personal request to the Lord in that prayer. I asked the Lord if he would help keep me sober. Three years later I learned about receiving the Holy Spirit through Oral Roberts book called "Daily Guide to Miracles." It was then that everything about God, and Christianity clicked for me. I remember looking back and thinking to myself that 3 yrs. ago I asked the Lord to help keep me sober, and He really did do it for me. I have been sober now for 22 yrs. now and never needed to attend meetings. (note to reader: This was a personal Rhema to me, the Lord may not lead others in the same manner.) AA is a wonderful program for people, but they should not put their faith in the ACT of going is what keeps them sober. The only higher power is God, and it is He who is the rock that keeps us sober.
Later Dean told me that he prayed to God, before I got my second DUI and went to jail if He would help me to STOP drinking. Dean felt bad about how my non-drinking came about. But God worked everything to the good. Dean and I have been married 22 yrs now with the Lords help all the way.
