value not the summer boardwalk forest of unattainable young thighs but the hot night memory of slipping in sweat sliding off you laughing the one in the hammock out the 2nd floor window naked her head shaved laughing up the 30 thousand dollar sport utility vehicles nothing in comparison the cruises the single malts the thousand dollar suits the gold rolex nothing that one touch of her lips that was all there was recorded here forever the small hand tugging my beard back down your voice in morning darkness no celluloid princess no walking barbie no inflated temple love goddess no vestal version the one with the slender fingers that wrapped me in breath-faint touch the streetlamp light sliced apart by half-open blinds spread on the bread of you the best things are free whether you can get them or not McNeilley I have to go out today it's been 3 days since I opened my front door and I have to pay the rent and I'm out of coffee but if this wasn't my last pack of cigarettes I might put it off again it's not raining but the sun is pretending it's spring it's what some would call a beautiful day out there with my luck I'll run into conversations about that I don't mind the world so much it's people I don't like their false smiles, phony gladhandling bullshit that 90s way everyone looks down on everyone else still if I don't move the truck they'll think I abandoned it and come knock on the damn door again, so either way I have to go out today the pack is getting thinner the coffee thicker but I sit by the computer wondering if you will write back from wherever you are now problems you won't talk about between the lines of the rare message from you I know we don't talk much these days, we always kept our problems to ourselves but still one of the better things to me about the world is that it has you in it as we write to each other mostly when things seem ok it's been a while now since there has been much communication we have our own internal clocks for this when things are not ok which is lately not that seldom it comes through between the lines all the same I never understood this but it's as obvious as that bright damned sunlight I have to go out today taking you with me in my head, more so than usual if for no specific reason, without thinking much, without worrying about you as this would only piss you off smile into their vapid faces, cringe at the price of another carton, fine day, yes, fine day did you see those cherry blossoms, not much wind but colder than it looks McNeilley the good ones are all already taken the jobs the women the lives I should know this having had some of the best of all of these havin fu cked them all off running after more or better of course taken is one thing kept is another the good ones move on it's like trying to keep a rainbow the sun goes down McNeilley my fault not in pursuing you though that I would not is no reflection. not that there was more to be said, though there is always more. unless too much has been said (too soon for that. but that I realize though I could go on describing your hair for weeks, and that I will if only for myself, as I could go on with your lips and that the voice on the phone I thought was you was not and that I do not know the color of your eyes though it was dark (as it was always dark). and it is no excuse there was not time though there is not. McNeilley to see without light when I wake up too early as I do so often lately and lie looking at the ceiling I think of you for no reason as when I fall asleep not at some set time but when I am too tired to stay awake you always come to mind and I have come to accept this though at times I still wonder what I could have done or said but I can think of nothing still too often after too much to drink or simply over a cup of coffee there you are again a thought with no content just a presence some remembered feeling of rightnesss that had to have been my mistake that should vanish as you have but will not here at bedtime and there in the glowing morning dark with nothing in between McNeilley First Church of Jesus of the Dead Safeway We're so glad you've decided to attend our services. We like to keep them short, so we can get right to the Cinnabons. We chose this old Safeway as a form of recycling. They're always abandoning them for something newer and more plastic. This old brick building is a nice home for Jesus, warm and dry and spacious. And the rent is cheap. We don't have sermons, we just read a bit from our bible, which has nothing in it but the words of Jesus. So we won't have a lot of discussions about who to hate, going to hell, smiting the enemies, stuff like that. We'll just talk a little about what he said, see if we can figure out what he meant, and try to live up to it. Jesus never said he was perfect, and neither are we. He had a lot of good ideas. That's all this place is about. That and the opportunity for communion. And some singing, we do believe in singing. Feel free to bring instruments, feel free to dance. For communion today we will have Cinnabons and lattes. This is one way we spend your contributions. The rest go into the food bank and the homeless shelter. You may wish to contribute or take from the free boxes in the back room. The clothing is not fancy, but it's clean. There are cots in the back if you need a place to sleep, but we do ask you to help clean up. But I think we should all pitch in. If Jesus were here, God knows he would. McNeilley