Great Balls of Fire

I'll tell you now a story which, will make you wince in pain,

The exploits in the Strike Force, of 1300 Bain.

Well Doug was just in training, learning to surveil,

The suspect was experienced, in how to shake a tail.

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Doug had his equipment, bullets badge and gun,

Radio with earpiece, and a bottle of Cap-Stun.

Each item stored and hidden, nothing left to chance,

The Cap-Stun was accessible, in the pocket of his pants.

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Doug was staying with him, until he lost "the eye",

He searched around the corner, to try and spot the guy.

When over in the laneway, behind a neighbours yard,

He saw his target moving, crouching, running hard.

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So Doug changed his position, his target now in sight,

But first there was an obstacle, a fence off to the right.

He leaped the fence no problem, and landed in the lane,

And now we get to hear the part, of excruciating pain.

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It seems that when he landed, there was something in the way,

In his blue jean pocket, that held the Cap-Stun spray,

Doug began to dance and yell, and jump and spin and turn,

Looking for some quick relief, as his balls began to burn.

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Paper towels were stuffed inside, water poured as well,

Poor Doug was just in agony, his pants as hot as hell.

Finally the fires out, his front all yellow stained,

Back in the barn his jeans removed, the liquid had been drained.

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So the moral of the story, if you carry pepper spray,

Don't put it in your pocket, lest it ruin your whole day.

And bring you a new meaning, to that famous fifties song,

Great Balls of Fire, won't you scream and dance along.

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PC 664 T.J. Gowdyk 92-10-02 (97)